The Power of Perspective: Shifting How We See Behavioral Issues In Children

How Lying Down Outside and Looking Up Helped Me Understand Perspective

The Power of Perspective: Shifting How We See Behavioral Issues In Children

By Tammy Noteboom, VP of Communications at Dakota Boys and Girls Ranch/Dakota Family Services

One day last summer, I was reading a book and came across a line that spoke to me. In her book, "The Tenth Island," Diana Marcum wrote,

"It had been a tumultuous week, and it occurred to me that in all levels of crisis, it is a good idea to lie down outside and look up."

I wasn't having a crisis—in fact, I was sitting in silence reading a memoir about a world traveler. In my world, that is the perfect way to spend an afternoon. But, I thought lying down outside and looking up was a good idea, so I headed outside, found a cushy green spot in the middle of our backyard, and laid down.

I closed my eyes and took a few deep breaths. Then, I looked up and saw a parachute against the backdrop of the clear blue sky. A parachute floating softly to the ground from high above! Then I saw another, and another, and yet another!

"Wow! They are all over," I thought. "Are they having a skydiving convention?"

One appeared to be landing in the golf course, and then another looked like it was going to land in my yard. And then, "Woah! That one is going to land on top of me," I thought.

Until a bird flew by.

Instantly, the bird gave me the proper perspective. The people in parachutes floating softly out of the sky became fluffs of cotton from a nearby cottonwood tree.

When I quit laughing and feeling silly, I started to realize that that experience could teach me a powerful lesson about PERSPECTIVE.

Seeing Behavioral Issues in Children Through a Different Lens

Perspective is important in so many things, including how we see our own children and the children in our world. From a distance, they can look like bratty, unruly teenagers—old enough to know better than to act that way, and in need of some stricter parenting. But then you hear bits and pieces of their stories and listen to them talk about their fears and worries, and it's just like that bird flying past. You gain a different perspective. You see their "inappropriate" behavior as a survival tool. They push you away with their behaviors and ugly words, because then you don't have the power to abandon them or hurt them.

Children come to Dakota Family Services with trauma-filled life stories. Even children with wonderful parents who have done everything in their power to nurture them and give them a good life, have lived through trauma. Some have been bullied, some have uncontrollable anxiety or suicidal thoughts, and some have parts of their brains that trick them into believing they are unlovable and unworthy. Others have been abused, abandoned, neglected, moved from place to place countless times, or otherwise traumatized.

When you see children and adolescents from the perspective of what happened to them, you see completely different children. You see glimpses of vulnerability, glimpses of beauty, glimpses of incredible strength and courage.

The minute children walk through our doors, we start looking for those glimpses of brilliance. We discover their strengths, one tiny strength at a time.

It's difficult work, because they don't make it easy. But each and every day we come back to the assurance that every one of our children is a child of God. Every child (and adult) who comes to Dakota Family Services deserved the presence of another person who will believe in them and help them improve their mental health and well-being. And our therapists, psychologists, nurse practitioners, and psychiatrist do just that.

That's the power of perspective. And it all started with a bird.

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Tammy Noteboom

Tammy is the Vice President of Communications at Dakota Boys and Girls Ranch, where she oversees the marketing, communications, and media relations of the Ranch’s three corporations (Dakota Family Services, Dakota Boys and Girls Ranch, and Dakota Boys and Girls Ranch Foundation). She earned her bachelor’s degree in University Studies, with an emphasis on journalism, from North Dakota State University, and has been working in Nonprofit Communications since 1986. Tammy and her husband, Tim, have one adult son, and live in Moorhead, MN. She enjoys reading, writing, learning, painting, knitting, hiking, biking, attending concerts, and spending time with family and friends.

Dakota Family Services is a highly trusted and respected outpatient clinic providing psychology, psychiatry, and therapy in North Dakota. Our community of compassionate mental health professionals help children, adolescents, and adults improve their overall mental health and well-being through a personalized approach, trusted expertise, and unconditional presence. We offer in-office counseling in Fargo and Minot and online therapy for those who prefer to meet from the comfort of their own home. To schedule an appointment, or to learn more, call 800-201-6495.