By Megan Spencer, PsyD, Licensed Psychologist, Dakota Family Services
During grade school and the pre-teen years, children experience many physical, cognitive, and social changes. They have growth spurts, get interested in different hobbies or after-school activities, and begin to care a lot more about friendships and social connections. While it’s exciting to watch your children develop new skills and become more independent, it’s understandable that these changes might be overwhelming for both you and your child. Knowing what to expect can help you navigate the changes.
Physical Development
While children grow and develop at their own pace, between the ages of 6 to 12 they usually grow approximately 2 to 2.5 inches taller per year and gain 4-7 pounds of weight per year. The first signs of puberty also begin to emerge during this time—females as early as age 8 and males as early as age 9.
As children undergo physical changes and place a growing emphasis on social connections and friendships, they start to form opinions about their bodies and overall growth. Girls, particularly those who develop earlier, might express concerns about their body size, fearing they appear "too big" compared to peers. Meanwhile, boys often become self-conscious about their height, worrying that they might be "too short."
In this age group, children also enhance their fine and gross motor skills, learning to write with greater precision, draw more accurately, catch balls more efficiently, control their major muscle groups better, and demonstrate improved balance.
Cognitive Development
During this phase of cognitive growth, children transition from magical and pre-logical thought patterns to a stage characterized by concrete logical thinking. This type of cognition centers on the tangible aspects of their world. As children start to think in literal terms, their curiosity shifts towards understanding facts, explicit definitions, and the characteristics of physical objects.
Children also begin to better understand cause and effect, size, and distance, as well as use logic to solve problems that relate to their own experiences. While they might not be ready to tackle hypothetical situations or really complex issues, they have the ability to use inductive reasoning. This means they can use facts they believe are true and to make a broader generalization. For example, if a child notices that three of their friends are rude, they might conclude that all friends are rude.
Additionally, children at this stage are good at categorizing things. They can organize objects into different groups or even smaller groups within those. They're also able to stay focused on a task for at least 15 minutes.
It can be fun to watch children at this stage as they begin to acquire more knowledge and new skills. For the child who learns easily, this can boost their self-esteem and confidence. However, children who face learning challenges may struggle with self-esteem and confidence issues. This struggle may lead them to develop defensive behaviors or avoid situations to prevent feeling embarrassed or humiliated.
Speech and language skills take a significant leap forward during this time. Pre-teens learn to express themselves through words by learning to speak with correct grammar and pronunciation and improving their reading and spelling skills. They can describe their favorite movie, TV show, or activity in detail. They develop a clearer understanding of time and can typically follow a series of at least three instructions or steps.
Psychosocial Development
Social relationships and friendships are crucial at this age. Children start to care more about their appearance and growth and begin to engage in extracurricular activities and hobbies. It's a key time for building and keeping up self-esteem and confidence, as social pressures can be intense. In just one day at school, they might go through a whirlwind of feelings—from success to failure, popularity to loneliness. The opinion of their peers starts to matter more, pushing them towards a desire to fit in and be liked. They might change the way they dress or speak to align with their peer group, while balancing their desire to remain unique with a sense of individuality.
Preteens look for role models from celebrities to family members, but these role models frequently change as children “try on” different identities which is vital for self-discovery and determining individual life goals.
Preteens begin to think about and question family values and beliefs. They spend more time outside the home and with various different environments and people. Because of these interactions and experiences, children notice differences between the beliefs and values of their family and those of other families.
This is also a period where family values and beliefs come under scrutiny. As children spend more time outside their family circle—at school, with friends, at friends’ homes, and at various social and/or sporting events, they notice and compare the beliefs of their family to those of other families. They use these observations to develop their own beliefs and values, yet family remains important. Children attempt to find their place in the family and earn the respect of their parents and other important adults in their life—pride and respect in the family are vital for self-worth. Sibling rivalry often increases as children begin to compare themselves to their brothers and sisters—a comparison that can foster healthy development or lead to unhealthy competition.
This is also a time where children begin to assert their independence and test limits set by adults, such as curfew times. Minor conflict and arguments during this stage serve as practice for navigating adolescence and independence.
Preteens start to face multiple fears, including the fear of the future, the possibility of failure or humiliation, and the loss of family, friends, or cherished possessions. This time is also when children begin to experience drives and desires related to managing and addressing individual wants and passions. Learning to compromise or settle for alternatives becomes a critical skill. Understanding others' feelings develops with encouragement from parents or caregivers, as it's not an innate ability. Children can also struggle with processing and managing frustrations, such as losing a board game or struggling to master a particular skill.
Laying the Foundation
As a parent, you play a pivotal role in providing the support, encouragement, and boundaries your child needs to explore and grow safely. Emphasizing the importance of nurturing environments, positive role models, and opportunities for exploration, will help children emerge from this stage well-rounded, resilient, and ready to face the further complexities of adolescence. The journey of development from ages 6 to 12 is a remarkable blend of learning, growth, and exploration, laying the foundation for the individuals these children will become.