Borderline Personality Disorder

BPD

Episode Description

Like other personality disorders, borderline personality disorder is a commonly misunderstood and stigmatized mental illness. In this episode of Mind Your Mind, host Tim Unsinn talks with Lucas Mitzel, a therapist at Dakota Family Services, about what BPD is, how it affects someone’s behavior, and where to seek treatment if your child has been diagnosed with BPD.

What to Expect

  • Symptoms of BPD
  • The importance of therapy
  • Advice for parents


Resources: Learn More

Things to Think About

  • When your child is struggling or lashing out, it’s important to maintain your own emotions and be a rock that can support them.
  • Dialectical Behavior Therapy, or DBT, is a highly effective therapy for treating borderline personality disorder. Dakota Family Services offers the only comprehensive DBT group in the state of North Dakota, but there are other DBT groups around the country as well.

About the Hosts

Lucas

Lucas Mitzel provides therapy for children, adolescents, and adults, ages 5 - 30. He believes building relationships with clients is the most important piece of successful therapy. He loves what he does, because it allows him to walk next to people he would never have met had he chosen a different profession, as they work to make amazing life changes. He has the honor of meeting people at their worst, all while watching them grow into the people they’ve always wanted to be.

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Transcript
Borderline Personality Disorder

Featuring Lucas Mitzel, LCSW, Dakota Family Services

Tim Unsinn:

Welcome to Mind Your Mind, a podcast presented by Dakota Family Services, an outpatient behavioral health clinic located in Minot, Bismarck, and Fargo, North Dakota. In this podcast, I will talk with our experts about understanding and nurturing our mental health and wellness. I'm your host, Tim Unsinn. Join me each episode as we explore the intricacies of our minds, decrease the stigma of mental illness, learn practical tips for managing our mental health and wellbeing, and recognize when it's time to ask for help. Join me now to mind your mind. Welcome to this episode of Mind Your Mind. Our guest is Lucas Mitzel. Lucas is a therapist on the Fargo campus and provides outpatient therapy for children, adolescents, and young adults. Lucas, it's great to have you on Mind Your Mind. Our topic is borderline personality disorder. However, before we get to the topic, there's always the question at the beginning, and that is, why do you do what you do?

Lucas Mitzel:

I enjoy doing what I do because I just, I love working with people and helping them become who they want to be.

Tim Unsinn:

Borderline personality disorder, that is a big, big name. What is it?

Lucas Mitzel:

Yeah, borderline personality disorder is really interesting. It's got a really bad rap and stigma attached to it, and I think that's mainly because there's a lot of confusion and misunderstanding surrounding it. Borderline personality disorder is a mental health disorder that impacts how you view the world, interact with the world around you and how you handle your emotions. When we talk about personality disorders, we tend to talk about them a lot of times in clusters. So there's cluster A, cluster B, cluster C, and it's kind of a way to categorize them. And so cluster A tends to be people who struggle with suspicion or lack of interest in people. Cluster B often are seen as dramatic, overly emotional or have unpredictable behaviors. Cluster C is often viewed as overly anxious, so borderline personality disorder falls into cluster B and symptoms become more of a personality disorder when it becomes kind of just who you are as a person.

Lucas Mitzel:

So when we look at borderline personality disorder, there's nine symptoms. So the very first one is fear of abandonment. Somebody who really struggles with the idea that somebody might abandon them or they might perceive that they're being abandoned. It's gonna cause intense emotional distress in them. There is gonna be patterns of unstable and intense relationships. So relationships might falter between really, really bad or toxic to feeling like they're the best person in the world for them. And that could switch honestly between hours. And so they go through these really intense periods of just all or nothing when it comes to the people that they're with, whether that be parents, boyfriends or girlfriends, teachers, anybody they might come in contact with. There's also a bunch of impulsivity that is oftentimes self damaging and that does not count self-harm, we'll get to that one in a second.

Lucas Mitzel:

But driving really fast or intense spending or having lots of sexual partners, these are all sorts of things that come up with borderline personality in regards to the impulsivity. So then we have struggles with suicidal behavior, gestures or threats. So somebody who has a borderline personality disorder has really, really big emotions and it's really hard for them to handle those things. And oftentimes because of that, the thoughts of suicide or self-harm or threats can come up as a way to deal with those stressors or a way to pull people in or handle relationships if they feel like somebody is maybe pulling away from them, they might use suicide as a means to get them to come close or to find comfort. And we'll get to why people do that in a second. But another big struggle somebody with a borderline personality disorder might have is identity disturbances.

Lucas Mitzel:

So having a really hard time knowing who they are as a person. So they might be switching between sexual identities, gender identities. They might even just struggle with like who they want to be as an employee or going to college and not knowing what major they want to be or switching from different hobbies and different groups in high school. So one month they might be really into like anime and the next month they might be considering themselves a jock or maybe they get really involved in religion, and they're just hopping between groups 'cause they're not really sure who they are. They might be considered chameleons or social chameleons because they can blend in with whoever they're with because they want to be who people want them to be, if that makes sense, rather than who they want to be. Moving on, I've mentioned this a few times, but they have large emotional reactions to things.

Lucas Mitzel:

So oftentimes people who have a borderline personality disorder are described as emotional burn victims. So just like with a burn victim, the slightest touch can cause a large amount of pain. So any sort of sleight or thing that might go wrong or be perceived as wronging them could cause intense emotional pain that maybe you and I wouldn't experience with that, but it's really hard for them to handle that. And then the last two would be intense or inappropriate anger, or just difficulty controlling their anger. And then stress-related paranoid ideation or severe dissociative symptoms. So when they're under a lot of stress or having a really hard time, they might become a little bit more paranoid or even dissociate at times. So those are the nine diagnostic criteria that we look at. You only need five, so that means not everybody's going to have every single one of those, and they're all on a spectrum. So just because you might have somebody with a borderline personality disorder doesn't mean that they're going to have the same amount of identity disturbances as somebody else. For example, the way I view it or I've conceptualized borderline personality disorders symptoms is that they're ways that they've learned how to cope with the world in order to get needs met. The coping mechanisms are maladaptive, which is why it's called a disorder, but it's often a response to trauma in their childhood or intense invalidation and/or abandonment that happened in their past.

Tim Unsinn:

You're listening to Mind Your Mind. Our guest is Lucas Mitzel, and Lucas is a therapist and we're talking about borderline personality disorder. So that was a lot of information. Now that I have myself or a child of mine have been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, now what?

Lucas Mitzel:

So the, I mean, number one thing that I always tell people is we need to get into therapy services as soon as possible. That's the number one treatment for a borderline personality disorder. I'm not a med provider, just throwing that out there right away. But there isn't really a medication to specifically treat borderline personality disorder. So we need to look into therapy. And the best known therapy treatment for borderline personality disorder is called DBT, which is the acronym for Dialectical Behavioral Therapy. And it's considered the go-to treatment for individuals who suffer with this disorder. And it was literally made for this disorder. So there's four modules or main components of DBT and I don't know if we've done a podcast on DBT already. We should <laugh>.

Tim Unsinn:

There you go. That's, that's one to put into the back of your mind, and that'll be on our topics list.

Lucas Mitzel:

<Laugh>. Yeah. But so the four, the four main modules are mindfulness, which is paying attention to this current moment intentionally. And the second one would be distress tolerance. So that's handling hard situations without making things worse. The third one is emotion regulation, which is our long-term stability and managing our emotions so that we don't need to use as much distress tolerance because we're handling it ahead of time. And then lastly is interpersonal effectiveness, which is a really fancy way of saying making relationships and keeping them. And if you look at each one of those four modules, each one of them has, they fit all of the diagnostic criteria in them. So the intense interpersonal relationships fits with the interpersonal effectiveness aspect. The intense emotion regulation or difficulty with that goes with the distress tolerance and emotion regulation. The anger outbursts is distress tolerance and so on and so forth.

Lucas Mitzel:

So it was very much tailored for this disorder. And for people who aren't in our area, if you can find a DBT program that would be really great, that involves an individual therapist who is also your phone coach. So the client will have a phone number that they can reach out and that helps with the generalization of the skills that they learn in group therapy, which is the other part of it. And then to have a true DBT program, the therapy team also needs to have their own little group of like therapy consulting and making sure that they're doing everything to fidelity as it's called or following the model if you do live in the area. Our clinic has a DBT program that's been up and running for a little under a year now. It's been super successful and we just are graduating our second batch of people, which is really, really awesome.

Tim Unsinn:

And the area in which Lucas is talking about is the Fargo Moorhead area and Dakota Family Services. You can Google that. Look it up, check it out. It's probably a part of this podcast at some point at the beginning or the end too as well. So now that we know that every person is unique, but do you have any general tips for someone either parenting a child with a diagnosis or suffering from this themselves?

Lucas Mitzel:

Yeah, I mean, like Tim just said, it's important to make sure that you're talking with your therapist about really specific interventions for you and your child because everybody is unique. And so there's not just like a blanket tip list or intervention list, but there are some general things that are pretty universal when working with somebody who has this disorder as a parent or even just for yourself. So for parents, when your child is struggling, it's really, really important that you are managing your own emotions. Sometimes things can get explosive and loud and your child might be saying things that they don't actually mean that are really hurtful. And if you are getting escalated yourself, the whole situation is gonna get outta control real quick. The best thing that you can do is be a rock for them and just try and remain calm.

Lucas Mitzel:

The analogy I like to use for parents is your child is like a kite in the wind. And if they're blowing and the wind's going really hard and they're having a hard time, it's not good if we just tie another kite to that kite and be escalated with them. 'Cause Now we're gonna crash into each other and fall down on the ground. We need a rock or somebody to reel them back in and hold steady. So that's number one. Modeling the skills that you want them to use. So the big part of DBT that I love is that parents are involved in the group as well. So you're learning all of those skills that they need in order to help regulate. And so use them in front of them, use them too. Start talking about those skills with them and just model when you're having big emotions, how to use those things so that they're seeing it happen.

Lucas Mitzel:

And you guys can keep each other accountable too. And that's been really awesome for a lot of our families. Self-Harm and suicidal ideation is common for this diagnosis, but it's really important that when that stuff is happening that you remain really calm. So judgment and anger is only gonna make things escalate. Now obviously if your child is having any suicidal ideation or self-harm, it's important that you reach out and you get some help. Go get them assessed at a hospital or follow the safety plan that's been set up by your individual therapist. But when it's happening, no matter what, we just need to make sure that our emotions, again, are under control. 'Cause It's only gonna make things worse. Again, going back to the kite in the wind analogy, if we are up there with them.

Tim Unsinn:

So one final question before we wrap up. I'm thinking here as a parent, so you know your child's been diagnosed. Is there therapy for the parent to sit in on so they can learn how to help their child? How does that work?

Lucas Mitzel:

Yeah, I often recommend that families go and get their own individual therapy as well. This is a really difficult diagnosis to parent, so processing through your own emotions and your own experience is gonna be important as well. But I also really encourage my families that I work with, I have frequent conversations with the children's parents and giving them tips and obviously with consent from the child because they have confidentiality as well. I'm not talking about what's going on in therapy, but just what might work well for their individual case and what's happening there. Maybe how to say things to their child. It's all very specific. So making sure that you're having conversations with your child's therapist, but then also getting your own because there's a lot of things to process through at times.

Tim Unsinn:

A lot of great information. Lucas, thank you as always. You're listening to Mind Your Mind. Our guest, Lucas Mitzel, he's a therapist on the Fargo campus of Dakota Family Services. And before we wrap up, there's always that final question because we all have a lot on our plates, we do a lot of things. How do you Lucas, mind your mind?

Lucas Mitzel:

Yeah, I think one of the most important things that I tell people is obviously I'm a little biased in this, but have a therapist and go talk to somebody. Having somebody to share ideas with or just what's going on, an objective third party that's not really involved in the situation has always been super helpful.

Tim Unsinn:

Perfect, thank you so much. Thank you for joining us for Mind Your Mind, a podcast presented by Dakota Family Services. You can't have health without behavioral health. Remember to mind your mind. For more information, links to additional resources, contact information, and much more, go to Dakotafamilyservices.org.

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