Social Media: Managing Emotions & Setting Boundaries

Social Media

Episode Description

How much time do you spend each day looking at your phone? An hour or two? Multiple hours? In this episode of Mind Your Mind, host Tim Unsinn meets with therapist Christy Wilkie to discuss how social media use can impact our mental health, relationships, and behavior. Learn tips for monitoring your child’s internet use, as well as how to manage your own time spent on social media.

What to Expect

  • Social media’s effects on mental health
  • How much is too much?
  • How to manage your social media usage


Resources: Learn More

Things to Think About

  • Depending on how it’s used, social media can have positive or negative effects on mental health.
  • What you see on social media is often only a “highlight reel,” not a realistic portrayal of people’s lives.
  • What are some activities or hobbies you can do instead of spending time on social media?

About the Hosts

Christy

Christy Wilkie provides therapy for children and adolescents, ages 5-25, who have complex behavioral health issues. She combines her extensive clinical expertise with a belief in kids, and has a unique ability to find and develop their strengths. She works hard to be an ideal therapist for her clients, doing what is best to fit their needs.

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Transcript
Social Media: Managing Emotions & Setting Boundaries

Featuring Christy Wilkie, LCSW, Dakota Family Services

Tim Unsinn:

Welcome to Mind Your Mind, a podcast presented by Dakota Family Services, an outpatient behavioral health clinic located in Minot, Bismarck, and Fargo, North Dakota. In this podcast, I will talk with our experts about understanding and nurturing our mental health and wellness. I'm your host, Tim Unsinn. Join me each episode as we explore the intricacies of our minds, decrease the stigma of mental illness, learn practical tips for managing our mental health and wellbeing, and recognize when it's time to ask for help. Join me now to mind your mind. Welcome to this episode of Mind Your Mind. Our guest is Christy Wilkie. Christy is a therapist in Fargo and provides outpatient therapy for children and adolescents, ages five to 25. Christy, it is great to have you on Mind Your Mind. Our topic is managing emotions in regard to social media and setting boundaries. However, before we get to the topic, why do you do what you do?

Christy Wilkie:

I always love this question because I have probably 17,000 different answers for it because I, there's a lot of reasons why I love to do what I do. I think one of the coolest things is providing people clarity for something that they've always experienced but didn't know that could be better. And they come in and they sit down and you kind of explain what anxiety is. You explain what depression is, and they can put a word to it. And it's like, there's just so much validation that comes with that to be like, oh, so my life can be different. Let's figure out how to do that. It's just a very, it's a really cool experience to walk with somebody through that.

Tim Unsinn:

Our topic is managing emotions in regard to social media and setting boundaries. So how does social media impact mental health, emotions and wellbeing?

Christy Wilkie:

This is always a twofold question because we often talk about social media always like it's bad and it's not always bad. Social media can be really positive. A lot of people have found really positive communities to be a part of. A lot of people that have social anxiety are able to find some sort of socializing on the internet. It's a great way for families to stay in contact. And so in a lot of those ways, it creates a lot of positive connections with people. However, on the other side of it, it really does impact a lot of people negatively, especially teenagers, but also into adulthood where people get into the comparison trap and they're looking at what this person looks like online versus what they think they look like. And, you know, there's filters and it's like, it's not a realistic view always of what's happening.

Christy Wilkie:

I always call it a highlight reel. You see everybody's highlight reel. And no matter how many times we can tell people that, they still get caught up in why is everybody else, why is life seems so much easier for everybody else? Or why are, how can they afford that? How can they do that? Why do they have that? Why don't I have that? And there is a lot of bullying that happens on social media, and I see that every day in my office very clearly. So, and we know that bullying is highly detrimental to mental health. So all of those things, I mean, it's a very, it's a very complex and layered issue, but there are positives and negatives, but we really need to figure out how to navigate the negatives.

Tim Unsinn:

Let's focus on the positive for a moment. How do we use social media in an appropriate way, positive way?

Christy Wilkie:

Yeah. So it's not always what you're doing on the internet or social media. It's more or less where are you doing it and who are you doing it with. Are you only adding people that you know? Are you only talking to people that you know? Are you in groups with people that is positive focused and it's not negative? Are you surrounding yourself with people who are bullying people? Are you surrounding yourself with people who are, you know, adding something positive to your life? We talk a lot about time limits, putting time limits on social media, because sometimes you start scrolling and all of a sudden it's like seven o'clock at night and you're like, oh, I do have a family <laugh>. Oh, we have to eat supper.

Tim Unsinn:

I was supposed to run today.

Christy Wilkie:

Yeah, I was supposed to run today. I didn't do that. All of those things are good to help you manage it. If you're, a parent parenting a child, making sure that you are checking your kids' phone and putting some of those parental blockers on them. There are apps that have screen time where you can only be on an app for so long, and then you gotta get off of it. And even those for adults are, are really good just to have reminders to be like, I can't let this take up my whole life. I do have responsibilities. Another thing that we talk about doing is turning off notifications or even the buzzers to your phone. And that includes your Apple watch or your whatever kind of watch you're using because you get the haptics that buzz and it's like, it's almost a conditioned response where you get a buzz and you look at your watch, you get a buzz, you look at your watch, and it's like, if we turn some of those off and just kind of, it allows you to experience life without interruption, which is super important.

Christy Wilkie:

I was just talking this morning with somebody who said they look at their phone and they have, if they have a notification on there, they have to check it. Otherwise it causes them such like a great deal of anxiety <laugh>. So like turning off the notifications is also just an easy way to try to promote appropriate social media usage.

Tim Unsinn:

So how do you know when you need to take a break?

Christy Wilkie:

When you find yourself isolating or not wanting to be with your, like real life people or doing you're shirking out on responsibilities in real life or it's causes you anxiety being away from your phone. Or a lot of people have fear of missing out, the FOMO as the kids call it. And when you find yourself fear of missing out on what's going on on your phone rather than what's going on in your real life, that's an issue. Anxiety and depression are very real things that can come from being on social media entirely too much. Again, the compulsion to check your notifications all of the time, that's an indication if you find yourself scrolling through TikTok and Facebook or Instagram and you're losing sleep <laugh>, because we always talk about sleep, diet and exercise as kind of being the three things that we need in order to function at our best. So when you start messing with your sleep, that's probably an indicator that we should maybe, you know.

Tim Unsinn:

I'm thinking if you took your kid to kindergarten and it seems like a week later they're graduating from high school, you may be on social media too much.

Christy Wilkie:

Right. Or, you know, even if you find yourself on your phone during your kids' events, that happens a lot. And it's like, your kid's only gonna do this piano recital one time, <laugh>, you know? And so if you find that you can't even get off your phone to be mindful of the things that are going on around you, that's kind of a problem.

Tim Unsinn:

That's a great reminder because time just goes so fast.

Christy Wilkie:

It does.

Tim Unsinn:

It does. And you don't wanna miss the moments. So what are some warning signs that, you know, we're maybe overusing social media or having a negative response to being on social media?

Christy Wilkie:

I think one of the big things that we notice frequently is that there's conflict that happens in relationships. So a parent tries to take away a phone as a punishment, or a partner is like, Hey, you're on your phone too much. And they're like, no, I'm not. And they would rather get into a conflict with their partner rather than just be like, okay, I gotta get off my phone a little bit. I would say in the case of kids, when parents take away a phone and the kid is like, oh my gosh, you're terrible. I'm mad at you because of that. It's, that's probably a good indicator that there's maybe some internet addiction happening. And so when your desire to be on the internet is more important than your relationships with important people in your life, or doing your schoolwork or getting going to your job, going to work, all of those things when you're, when the internet has become more of a priority than everything else in your life, that's maybe when you gotta take a look at stepping back and thinking, where do I need to go differently with this?

Christy Wilkie:

'Cause It is, it can very slowly infiltrate your life where it kind of takes over and it becomes the most important thing. And I think if you ask anybody what their priorities are, they'll say family, friends, you know, pets, church, whatever. But when you look at how they're spending their time, it's internet, family, <laugh> friends. And so when your priority list isn't matching up with where you're spending your time, that's probably when we have a problem.

Tim Unsinn:

Yeah if it's all time consuming. All consuming.

Christy Wilkie:

Yeah.

Tim Unsinn:

That could be a problem. And one final question before your final thoughts. So if we recognize that someone around us has an addiction, what's our response to them? Or how do we, you know, I go back to a Big Bang episode where Penny sat on the couch playing video games. She's got Cheetos in her hair. So when do we, when do we know when to step in on those Cheeto moments?

Christy Wilkie:

Yeah. You know, it's no different than addiction to anything else, right? You come at it with a place of care and concern and you don't, because I think a lot of times, especially with internet, you're just like, just get off your phone. Just get off your phone. Just get off your phone. And it's like you're just pushing that person away without acknowledging that it is probably very, very difficult for them to be away from their phone. It causes a great deal of anxiety not having a phone. And so coming at it from a place of care and concern to be like, Hey, you know, I've noticed that you just aren't around as much as often and we really miss having you around. You know, you're on your phone a lot. Is there a way that we, that I can help you manage your time on the internet or what would be helpful for you so we can have you be more present? But being very caring about it and coming at it from a place of compassion rather than consequence is key when it comes to any sort of addiction issue.

Tim Unsinn:

Caring and kindness.

Christy Wilkie:

That's right.

Tim Unsinn:

Perfect. I know why we talk with you all the time because you're just so insightful. <Laugh>. Thank you. <Laugh>, any final thoughts on managing emotions in regard to social media and setting boundaries?

Christy Wilkie:

Well, I will say that there was a study that found, they did a study from 12 to 15 year old kids, and kids that spent more than three hours a day on their phone or any sort of social media are way more likely to have mental health issues. And so when you look at three hours for kids, it's really not a lot. I mean, when you look at how much time they're spending on screens, and so to just be cognizant of that time limit, 'cause three hours is a long time for a kid to be on their phone. And if that's gonna be a gateway to having to deal with anxiety and depression or who knows what else is happening on the phone during that time, that can be traumatic. Honestly. It's important to keep in mind

Tim Unsinn:

As parents, offer alternatives to the screen time.Getting outside. Yes.

Christy Wilkie:

Yes.

Tim Unsinn:

Being active.

Christy Wilkie:

Yeah.

Tim Unsinn:

Find a family hobby activity that everybody can engage in.

Christy Wilkie:

100%, plan activities. Plan an activity where you can't have your phone, like go swimming. You can't <laugh> you know, like you can't have your phone in there, but like planning, like going out of your way to plan something where it's like, okay, I'm not gonna have my phone when I'm golfing. You know, I'm not gonna have my phone when I'm playing a softball game with my family. You know, those kinds of things.

Tim Unsinn:

Present in the moment you're in.

Christy Wilkie:

Always.

Tim Unsinn:

Christy, always great to have you on Mind Your Mind. Before we wrap up, what do you do personally to mind your mind?

Christy Wilkie:

I think an important thing for everybody to do is to plan something to look forward to. Whether it's a meal, whether it's a get together with a friend, whether it's a trip, or in my case a Vikings game, <laugh>. Just having something that you have to look forward to, no matter how big or small is a really good thing for everybody to do.

Tim Unsinn:

Thank you. Yeah. Thank you for sharing your time and talent with us.

Christy Wilkie:

My pleasure.

Tim Unsinn:

Thank you for joining us for Mind Your Mind, a podcast presented by Dakota Family Services. You can't have health without behavioral health. Remember to mind your mind. For more information, links to additional resources, contact information, and much more, go to Dakotafamilyservices.org.

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