Christy Wilkie provides therapy for children, adolescents, and young adults who have complex behavioral health issues. She combines her extensive clinical expertise with her belief in kids, and has a unique ability to find and develop their strengths. She works hard to be an ideal therapist for the clients she is working with and doing what is best to fit their needs. Christy typically provides cognitive behavioral therapy augmented with motivational interviewing and psychoeducation, but she is trained in other modalities as well.
Host Tim Unsinn:
Welcome to Mind Your Mind, a podcast presented by Dakota Family Services at outpatient behavioral health Clinic, located in Minot, Bismarck, and Fargo, North Dakota. In this podcast, I will talk with our experts about understanding and nurturing our mental health and wellness. I'm your host, Tim Unsinn. Join me each episode as we explore the intricacies of our minds, decrease the stigma of mental illness, learn practical tips for managing our mental health and wellbeing, and recognize when it's time to ask for help. Join me now to mind your mind. Welcome to this episode of Mind Your Mind. Our guest is Christy Wilke. Christy is a therapist in Fargo and provides outpatient therapy for children and adolescents, ages 5 to 25. Christy, great to have you on Mind Your Mind. Our topic is how to fit in while staying true to yourself. Can't wait to get to the topic. However, before we do that, the question I ask is, why do you do what you do?
I do what I do because I've always been drawn to help people. I grew up in a house that, my dad was a therapist and my mom was in social services. My brothers are in social services. And so it's always been a passion of mine, for someone to always have a safe space to think through and talk through what they're going through and realize that it can be better.
Host Tim Unsinn:
I love that. Very good. Yeah. When you're surrounded by people that are helping, it's hard not to be a helper, right?
Host Tim Unsinn:
Yep. Alright. Our topic is how to fit in while staying true to yourself. So how do you figure out where you fit in first?
Well, that's a good question because I think sometimes people try to fit in in places where they don't really even want to, but it's difficult to see a group of people doing something be like, man, I really wish I was part of that, but they don't really know why. So figuring out where you fit in is as important as figuring out where do you want to fit in. What are the things about you that you like? What are the things that you're good at? Instead of focusing on the things you don't have, what are the things that you do have that you think you can bring to a group of people? It's about instead of looking at all the things that you're not a part of, what can you be a part of? What is, what does that bigger picture look like for you?
And what are you going to enjoy? Because a lot of times people will find themselves in clubs or organizations or even sports where they realize maybe halfway through that they're really not even enjoying it. And part of wanting to fit in is wanting it to be a good experience. People in general are hardwired for connection, and so they want to be like, they want to be a part of something, but it's really important to figure out that being a part of something is going to make your life better rather than bring you more stress.
Host Tim Unsinn:
So if you're not fitting in, maybe it's time to look elsewhere. So how do I start to figure out who I am and what is important to me?
Yeah, that is a really good question because I think a lot of times people always look at what they're not instead of what they are. So a lot of this comes with doing some self-esteem building and identifying what are you good at? What are the things that you like to do? What are things that other people like about you? One of the exercises I have a lot of my kids do is to go around and pick five people in their life and have each one of those five people give them three words to describe them. And most people are really shocked at some of the things that people say back to them because in their heads they're thinking people are gonna say bad things or that they don't see these things about people. And they're like, oh my gosh, that's me. That's me.
And so sometimes when you can't figure out who you are yourself, you lean on your friends and your family and help them, and they can help you kind of figure out maybe who you are and what they see your strengths to be. And then based on those strengths, where is a place that you want to use those strengths, which is a huge self-esteem building thing. A lot of times people will be like, they're never gonna like me. They don't like me. I'm not as good as they are. I'm not as great of a basketball player. I'm not as great at baking or whatever it is that they wanna fit in doing. Instead of looking at it like, all of your deficits think, what can I learn from doing this? We go into a lot of things, not good at everything. That's why we go to school, because if we knew everything, we wouldn't have to go.
Host Tim Unsinn:
Well, and that's the way society is though for us. You think of going to school, you come home with your report card and you've got a couple of A's and you've got a C and what do our parents focus on? They focus on the C instead of the A's. Your strengths are the A's focus on the A's the C's gonna take care of itself at some level. But what you like to do is, what I'm hearing you say, is go for those things.
Absolutely. And I think a lot of people also, they think they have to fit in everywhere all of the time. So they adjust who they are to kind of fit the situation. And at that point, you're not really being true to yourself and who you are. You don't have to fit in everywhere. You don't have to be good at every subject in school. And that's okay. And accepting that we all have our strengths and our weaknesses and they're all part of who we are, that's okay.
Host Tim Unsinn:
So it's easy to say, go after your strengths. So if someone's listening saying, I'm going after my strengths, but I need to manage those emotions of feeling like I'm left out.
I think a big thing, especially with kids and even with adults is that with social media, people feel left out a lot of the time because it looks like there's all this really cool stuff that people are doing and all these parties that everybody's invited to and they're sitting at home and they feel like the world is like turning around them and they're just not doing anything. And it's always important. I think taking a social media break when that happens is always good. Reminding yourself that social media is a highlight reel. It is a snippet in time. It is a one second glimpse of what's going on, and that most of the time people aren't posting about the times when they're bored at home or that they're fighting with somebody or that they're just kind of bored or I mean, that's not Snapchat worthy when you're bored.
And so you're not seeing that. And so that is one way. Another way is to just find ways to distract yourself and do something that you really enjoy doing. I think most people have at least one or two things that really bring them joy and kind of distract your thoughts and taking it off of what, what everybody else is doing and where I'm not fitting in and saying, okay, how can I create this moment of peace for myself and, and do something that I'm feeling good about in this moment, which is really hard to do, but it is helpful to be able to do that.
Host Tim Unsinn:
Well, you're listening to Mind Your Mind and our guest is Christy Wilkie. Christy is a therapist in Fargo and provides outpatient therapy for kids and adolescents ages 5 to 25. How might I know if I am not being true to myself?
I think one of the big things is if you find yourself doing things that you don't feel good about. We all kind of have that feeling in your gut when you're participating in something and you're like, I don't really feel good about doing this. That's probably a good indication that you need to kind of listen to your gut a little bit. I think the other thing is if you're doing things that are not fun anymore, if you're finding yourself in this group or whatever, and it's just not fun. I mean, maybe that's because you're not doing something that really you wanna do and you're maybe doing it for someone else, which is a trap that a lot of kids fall into. It's like, well, my parents would be upset if I don't play whatever, or I'll be letting my friends down if I don't do such and such and such. And when you start having those kinds of thoughts and they're not about, I want to do this, I feel good about it, that's maybe when you're not being true to yourself
Host Tim Unsinn:
And you'll feel so much better if you learn the two letter word. And that is no.
That is so true. That is so true. I think the other trap that people fall into is that they like things just 'cause other people like them, like bandwagon football fans. I mean, that's just one example, but like getting into something because it's just what everybody else is doing, rather than it really being what you wanna do and you're like, I don't really like playing Fortnite, but everybody else is doing it, so I'm gonna do it. That's maybe when you're not being true to yourself either.
Host Tim Unsinn:
Yeah. So I'm hearing you say, find things that are gonna make you better for yourself, not better for other people.
Absolutely. Very well said.
Host Tim Unsinn:
Alright, Mind Your Mind is what you're listening to, Christy has been our guest. We always appreciate your time and talent. And before you go, what do you do personally to mind your mind?
You know, this might be a little controversial, but I feel like people need permission to use their PTO, and I do. So, it's a benefit you're given for a reason, to take time off of work, and I take time to myself and on those days when I just kind of have some time to myself to use it really wisely and do things that are, that make me feel better, and I get a little break sometimes. There's no shame in that.
Host Tim Unsinn:
No. And there's probably therapy for some of us that PTO it feels guilty to take it. Okay. So I'll be in to see you soon.
Host Tim Unsinn:
Thank you so much. Always appreciate you and I appreciate you being on Mind Your Mind.
Thank you for having me.
Host Tim Unsinn:
Thank you for joining us for Mind Your Mind, a podcast presented by Dakota Family Services. For more information, links to additional resources, contact information, and much more, go to dakotafamilyservices.org.
People tend to perceive risk as being inherently negative. But for teenagers, risk-taking is a healthy, normal, and important part of growing up. In this episode of Mind Your Mind, Host Tim Unsinn talks to Vanessa Lien, Nurse Practitioner, about creating a safe environment for your teenager to take risks—and knowing when to step in when they start taking risks that could result in serious and long-term negative consequences.;
15-25% of American students have experienced bullying. And cyberbullying is on the rise. Children who experience bullying suffer from long-lasting effects including depression, anxiety, loneliness, low self-esteem, low academic achievement, and more. Children engaging in bullying behavior are impacted as well. In this episode of "Mind Your Mind," Dakota Family Services therapist, April Morris, LCSW, talks about the impact of bullying and what parents can do to help.;
2020 was the year for living with chaos. Everything—at home, at work, and at school—is out of sync and changing from day to day. In this episode of "Mind Your Mind," Dakota Family Services psychologist, Dr. Megan Spencer, shares simple tips for building routine and structure into your life. She also provides an excellent, yet simple, way to ground yourself when you start to feel overwhelmed or anxious.;
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In today's episode of Mind Your Mind, your host Tim Unsinn talks with Christy Wilkie about suicide warning signs and things you can do to make a difference. Christy, a therapist at Dakota Family Services, wants to normalize conversations about suicide so people don't feel like they are suffering alone. She says, "There is never a reason to not ask the question, 'Hey, are you OK?' Asking the question can save a life.";
In today's episode of Mind Your Mind, your host Tim Unsinn talks with Dr. Wayne Martinsen. Dr. Martinsen, Medical Director and Psychiatrist at Dakota Family Services, defines wellness as more than just the absence of disease, but as a state of well-being. In this episode he will share current wellness research, questions to ask to determine your own well-being, and steps you can take to achieve and maintain wellness.;
When someone in our life has cancer, it's difficult to know what to say or how to help. In this episode of Mind Your Mind, Host Tim Unsinn talks to April Morris about how you can best support a friend or loved one who has cancer. Morris, an outpatient therapist at Dakota Family Services, shares tips for knowing what/what not to say, and actions that speak louder than words.;
Sleep is just as important for mental health as it is physical health. During sleep, our brains process our memories, emotions, and other information. In this episode of "Mind Your Mind," April Morris tells us why sleep is so important for overall well-being and encourages us to prioritize sleep. April, a therapist at Dakota Family Services, provides practical tips for improving sleep hygiene so you can live your best life.;
Stress does not discriminate, and it comes in many shapes and forms. In this episode of "Mind Your Mind," Dr. Megan Spencer talks about ways to identify and listen to the stress in our bodies. Learn relaxation techniques for managing stress over time, self-care routines that decrease negative stress, and things you can do to bring calm into your life.;
Physical activity has a huge potential to enhance our well-being. Exercise increases our mental alertness, energy, and positive mood. In this episode of "Mind Your Mind," Christy Wilkie, therapist at Dakota Family Services, talks about how movement, even for five minutes, can promote changes in the brain that lead to neural growth, reduced inflammation, and feelings of calm and well-being. Listen now to learn more about how moving your body can improve your mental health.;
Diagnosing children with a mental health-related condition can be controversial. Many worry this gives children a label that is set in stone and will follow them around their entire lives. In this episode of Mind Your Mind, Dr. Wayne Martinsen talks about the role of diagnosis in getting children the help they need. Martinsen encourages us to think about mental health diagnoses the same as we do any health diagnosis. If you go the doctor and they diagnose you with strep throat, that doesn’t mean you’ll have strep throat forever, or that you are a strep throat victim. It just means that you have a collection of symptoms that point to strep throat, and the doctor will use that diagnose to provide the appropriate treatment.;
ADHD is diagnosed and treated at a much higher rate than in the past, especially in the United States. Why? In this episode of Mind Your Mind, Dr. Wayne Martinsen, Psychiatrist/Medical Director at Dakota Family Services, explains how the changing world has made it harder for people with shorter attention spans to be successful. In the past, if school was hard for you, you could get a job, work your way up, and live a middle-class lifestyle. Not so in today’s world. Learn more about this fascinating take on ADHD.;
In today's episode of Mind Your Mind, your host Tim Unsinn talks with Christy Wilkie about the Feelings Wheel*. Christy, a therapist at Dakota Family Services, says humans experience 34,000 different feelings! She demonstrates how to use the Feelings Wheel to help you identify your emotions so you can control the behaviors associated with them. *Adapted by classtools.net from the Emotional Wheel. The Emotional Wheel was developed by American psychologist, Dr. Robert Plutchik.;
In today's episode of "Mind Your Mind," Vanessa Lien, Nurse Practitioner, talks about the many changes occurring in the teen brain. The teenage brain is highly susceptible to stress, but it is also very resilient. Learn coping strategies you can teach your teen to protect their brains and help them cope with stress and emotional struggles.;
Going back to school after summer vacation can be a stressful time for both kids and parents. The transition from the unstructured summer to a more regimented routine can lead to stress and anxiety. Worries about fitting in, bullying, homework, getting to school on time, and dealing with peer pressure are all additional stressors that may weigh on children when it's time to go back to school. In this episode of “Mind Your Mind,” Tim Unsinn speaks with Therapist Falan Johnson. Falan helps us understand why back to school anxiety is common, provides strategies for managing the added stress, and shares resources parents can use to prepare their children for the new school year.;
The grief of losing a friend or loved one to suicide is complicated and can be especially difficult. In addition to the grief, sadness, and loneliness of any loss, people might experience guilt, confusion, rejection, anger, and shame. The stigma of suicide complicates it even more, often preventing survivors talking about their loss or getting the help they need. In this episode of Mind Your Mind, Tim Unsinn visits with Dakota Family Services' therapist, Christy Wilkie. Christy helps listeners understand the complicated nature of suicide grief and how to move through it with compassion and self-acceptance.;
You will be shocked at the seemingly safe places predators can connect with your children online. In this episode of Mind Your Mind, Lucas Mitzel, a therapist at Dakota Family Services, talks about the things you need to know to keep your children safe. Learn the many websites and platforms used to target children, how to monitor their internet usage, and how to talk to your children about the dangers.;
Pregnancy and the birth of a child can be a joyous and exciting time, but some women struggle with their mental health as they transition to motherhood. Depression, anxiety, and other pregnancy-related mental health conditions may surface during or after pregnancy. In this episode of "Mind Your Mind," Tim Unsinn speaks with Clinical Psychologist Dr. Megan Spencer. Dr. Spencer helps us understand the common symptoms and causes of postpartum depression, as well as what to do if you think you may be experiencing it.;
Did you know that in addition to calming and focusing our minds, meditation can improve our physical health? In this episode of Mind Your Mind, Host Tim Unsinn visits with Dr. Wayne Martinsen, Psychiatrist, Dakota Family Services, about the surprising health benefits of meditation. A regular meditation practice can increase longevity, reduce the risk of dementia, reduce inflammation, and play a significant role in the treatment of high blood pressure and immune disorders. Learn about the many forms of meditation and how you can start your own meditation practice today.;
Anxiety and depression are invisible illnesses—meaning they don't have outward symptoms visible to others. Because they are invisible, they are often hard for people to explain. In this episode of "Mind Your Mind," Host Tim Unsinn visits with April Morris, LCSW, Therapist, Dakota Family Services. April references the spoon theory of chronic illness created by Christine Miserandino, an award-winning writer, blogger, speaker, and lupus patient advocate. Listen now to learn more about spoons as a metaphor for energy and how you can use them to understand and explain anxiety and depression.;
While we hear a lot about autism in the news, many of us still have misconceptions about its causes and symptoms. In this episode of Mind Your Mind, therapist Falan Johnson dispels some of these misconceptions and explains the three levels of autism. Johnson then focuses on the least understood level—high functioning autism. Learn how to identify symptoms of high functioning autism in your child, the importance of early intervention, and ways you can support them.;
In this episode of Mind Your Mind, therapist April Morris talks about boundaries. April will define boundaries, explain their importance, and help you set boundaries that match your values and strengthen your relationships. Learn how healthy boundaries can improve your mental and physical health, and how you can say “no” respectfully.;
Going through infertility tests and treatments can be an extremely difficult and lonely time for couples. In this episode of Mind Your Mind, Lucas Mitzel talks about his own experience. He also shares tips for couples struggling with infertility, and for friends and family members who want to be supportive but don’t know what to say or do.;
In this episode of Mind Your Mind, Host Tim Unsinn talks to Therapist Falan Johnson about panic attacks. What do they feel like? What causes them? How can you prevent or manage them? Listen now to learn more and discover techniques that might work for you or your loved one.;
Are you concerned about your child's mental health but aren't sure what to do? Join Host Tim Unsinn and his guest, Therapist Jesse Lamm, as they discuss ways you can support your child through a difficult time.;
Are the stresses of college (constant worry, fitting in, lack of sleep, etc.) affecting your ability to function? Join Host Tim Unsinn and his guest, April Morris, LCSW, as they discuss ways to manage or eliminate the stressors that are impacting your well-being.;
Are you struggling to get enough sleep each night? Maybe you have difficulty falling and staying asleep. You can't get comfortable. You feel anxious and your brain just won't shut off. According to the Sleep Foundation, over one-third of adults in the U.S. sleep for less than seven hours a night. Join Host Tim Unsinn and his guest, April Morris, LCSW, in this episode of "Mind Your Mind," as they discuss how insomnia can affect many other areas of your life, as well as practical tips to improve your sleep hygiene.;
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Resilience is not a personality trait or characteristic. Resilience isn't ignoring or emotional numbing or pretending that a problem doesn't exist. And being resilient doesn’t mean we won’t face adversity. Rather, resilience is our ability to bounce back from adversity. In this episode of Mind Your Mind, Dr. Megan Spencer, psychologist at Dakota Family Services, shares ten ways to build resilience so you are ready when adversity strikes.;
You can probably think of a dozen things that make you feel sad. Sadness is a normal human emotion that helps us process the events in our lives. But what is "normal" sadness? When does sadness move from "normal" to something you may need help processing? In this episode of "Mind Your Mind," Falan Johnson, a therapist at Dakota Family Services, will answer these questions and more. Learn the importance of allowing yourself to feel sad so you can move past it, and, when it might be time to seek professional help.;
In today's world, we are constantly bombarded by messages about who we should be, how we should look, what we should do or wear, and more. With the increased accessibility and prevalence of social media, kids and adolescents are hearing and seeing these messages at younger and younger ages. How do we help ourselves and our teens combat these messages and find our true selves? In this episode of "Mind Your Mind," Therapist Jenika Rufer helps us wade through the unimportant things to find what we truly value so we can become our best selves.;
Unsure of whether your therapy is working for you? In this episode of “Mind Your Mind,” our host Tim Unsinn talks with Dakota Family Services therapist Lucas Mitzel about how to make your therapy sessions more productive. Making progress in therapy can often come down to simply having an open mind and a plan for discussion. Although each session can evoke a wide range of emotions, you should always leave feeling that some sort of movement has happened.;
In this episode of Mind Your Mind, host Tim Unsinn and Dakota Family Services therapist Christy Wilkie talk about Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and its effectiveness in battling unhelpful thoughts and beliefs. Utilizing cognitive restructuring, CBT helps change inaccurate and damaging self-perceptions and perceptions of others, leading to healthier day-to-day thought patterns. Christy also touches on multiple CBT exercises to try at home, as well as some of her own tactics for promoting helpful thoughts.;
Are your worries and fears about the future getting in the way of daily life? If so, you may be one of the many people who suffer from anxiety. In this special Community Chat episode of Mind Your Mind, Christy Wilkie and Lucas Mitzel talk about the many types of anxiety and what they can look like in both children and adults. They also touch on ways to combat anxiety attacks, including using grounding techniques, mindfulness, muscle relaxation, and more.;
In this episode of Mind Your Mind, host Tim Unsinn and psychiatrist Dr. Wayne Martinson discuss autism and signs of it in children, touching on the different levels of the autism spectrum and where people fall. Learn about how autism often affects children's social skills, communication, and behavior, as well as its connections to other disorders and how to handle it.;
Many people find themselves dealing with high levels of stress and anxiety in their daily lives. However, there are plenty of simple strategies to help regulate these emotions. In this episode of Mind Your Mind, host Tim Unsinn talks with therapist Sandy Richter about various coping exercises to help you regulate and calm yourself, including breathing and movement exercises for both children and adults.;
Medication can affect people in many different ways. In this episode of Mind Your Mind, host Tim Unsinn and psychiatric nurse practitioner Amanda Daggett talk about genetic testing and its use in discerning how different individuals might react to various medications. Tim and Amanda also touch on some of the facts and myths surrounding genetic testing, including what testing can and can’t indicate and where the science is currently at.;
Anxiety is one of the most common mental health problems people face. However, there are many ways to manage and understand it. On this episode of Mind Your Mind, host Tim Unsinn and therapist Lucas Mitzel discuss what causes anxiety and how it can affect people’s day-to-day lives, as well as the difference between anxiety and fear and how to combat chronic anxiety with grounding techniques.;
In this special Community Chat episode of Mind Your Mind, Psychologist Megan Spencer and Psychiatrist Wayne Martinsen discuss how loneliness and social isolation are increasing in our country, as well as what that means for individuals’ health in the long term. They also give advice on how to get yourself or your loved ones more connected with others, including how to connect both in-person and online.;
Does it seem like your child is “stuck” in therapy, or engaging in dangerous behaviors like self-harm and suicidality? In this special Community Chat episode of Mind Your Mind, Psychologist Hannah Baczynski and therapist April Morris discuss Dialectical Behavior Therapy and its effectiveness in treating patients who have found traditional therapy unsuccessful. Learn about the 4 core skills of DBT and what makes DBT unique from other forms of therapeutic treatment.;
When our children are struggling with their mental health, it can be hard knowing how to help them. However, in addition to therapy, medication can be a viable and effective option for improving your child’s mental health. In this episode of Mind Your Mind, our host Tim Unsinn talks with psychiatric mental health nurse Amanda Daggett about how to know if your child needs medication, what the process is for a prescription, and how to tell if their medication is right for them.;
Did you know that depression occurs in about 15% of children? In this episode of Mind Your Mind, our host Tim Unsinn talks with Psychiatrist Dr. Wayne Martinsen about depression in kids and adolescents, including signs of depression to look out for and how to know when to reach out to a care provider. They also touch on how to know whether your child’s sadness is caused by depression or other external factors and what you can do to try and prevent depression in your child.;
It can be difficult knowing how to recognize and treat depression in children and adolescents. In this special community chat episode of Mind Your Mind, Psychologist Megan Spencer and Therapist April Morris discuss signs of depression to look out for, including both behavioral and physical signs that your child may be depressed. They also touch on the influence of environment, physical illnesses or diagnoses, and genetics on children’s mental health.;
While often perceived as only relating to those who’ve experienced warfare, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) can affect anyone. In this special Community Chat episode of Mind Your Mind, Psychologist Dr. Hannah Baczynski and therapist Lucas Mitzel explain what trauma is, how it affects each person differently, and when to seek treatment for trauma-related symptoms. They also discuss different treatment options for PTSD, touching on the pros and cons of each.;
Though autism is one of the most commonly discussed mental health diagnoses in the community, it is often one of the most misunderstood. In this special Community Chat episode of Mind Your Mind, therapists Lucas Mitzel and Falan Johnson discuss what autism is, how it appears in children and adolescents, and how it may look different between individuals. They also touch on how autism can show up differently in boys than in girls and offer intervention tips for parents and caregivers.;
Autism is sometimes perceived as a disorder that only affects children and adolescents, but it is actually a lifelong diagnosis. In this special Community Chat episode of Mind Your Mind, psychologists Dr. Hannah Baczynski and Dr. Megan Spencer explore the symptoms and nuances of autism in adults, touching on the history of autism spectrum disorder, the research surrounding it, how autism commonly presents in adults, and more.;
Though spirituality is often associated with religion, it can mean much more than simply attending religious services or praying. In this episode of Mind Your Mind, host Tim Unsinn and psychiatrist Dr. Wayne Martinsen define spirituality and discuss its relevance in daily life, touching on ways people experience, express, and cultivate spirituality. They also talk about the link between spirituality, religion and meaning in life.;