Setting Healthy & Realistic Goals
Episode Description
Setting goals is easy. Working towards them is hard. In this episode of Mind Your Mind, host Tim Unsinn talks with Dakota Family Services therapist Christy Wilkie about how to set healthy, realistic goals, as well as the importance of managing your expectations and staying persistent. Whether you’re starting an exercise routine, writing a book, trying a new diet, or building your career, keep these tips in mind when setting your next big goal.What to Expect
- Guidelines for setting goals
- Common mistakes to avoid when setting goals
- How to handle setbacks
Resources: Learn More
- “Goal-Setting,” (ewu.edu)
- “Your Best Year Ever: A 5-Step Plan for Achieving Your Most Important Goals,” by Michael Hyatt
Things to Think About
- How can you break down a long-term goal into smaller, daily goals?
- Working towards a goal should be a positive experience. What are some ways you can reward yourself as you make progress?
About the Guest
Christy Wilkie provides therapy for children and adolescents, ages 5-25, who have complex behavioral health issues. She combines her extensive clinical expertise with a belief in kids, and has a unique ability to find and develop their strengths. She works hard to be an ideal therapist for her clients, doing what is best to fit their needs.
Transcript
Setting Healthy & Realistic Goals
Featuring Christy Wilkie, LCSW, Dakota Family Services
Tim Unsinn:
Welcome to Mind Your Mind, a podcast presented by Dakota Family Services, an outpatient behavioral health Clinic located in Minot, Bismarck, and Fargo, North Dakota. In this podcast, I will talk with our experts about understanding and nurturing our mental health and wellness. I'm your host, Tim Unsinn. Join me each episode as we explore the intricacies of our minds, decrease the stigma of mental illness, learn practical tips for managing our mental health and wellbeing, and recognize when it's time to ask for help. Join me now to Mind your mind. Welcome to this episode of Mind your Mind. Our guest is Christy Wilkie. Christy is a therapist in Fargo and provides outpatient therapy for children and adolescents, ages five to 25. Christy, it is great to have you on mind your mind. Our topic is setting healthy, realistic goals. However, before we get to today's topic, the question I ask all of our guests to start, and that is, why do you do what you do?
Christy Wilkie:
I do what I do to help people find the, the best way to live their life and to reach their full potential. And there's a lot of things that you learn by doing therapy with people about who they are and what they have the ability to be. And I am just always very thankful to be even just a small part of that journey.
Tim Unsinn:
Our topic is setting healthy, realistic goals. First question up, and don't look at me and laugh <laugh>, but what are some common mistakes people make when setting goals
Christy Wilkie:
<Laugh> Well, I think, you know, it's so easy to go to what you want the end goal to be like, what, what do you want to be doing in like two years? Instead of thinking, what is attainable for me in the next two or three days? Because it takes about 21 days to set a habit of any kind. Whether you're looking at eating or exercise, or you've got work goals, or you've got artistic goals, any sort of goal you have in order to work towards it, it takes about 21 days to make that a habit or to work it into your life. And so it's, it's figuring out how can you break down your big goal into smaller attainable goals and then celebrate that process on the way. So a lot of times people will be just really unrealistic in what they think they wanna do, where they'd be like, you know, I wanna, I wanna run a marathon in three months, <laugh>. And it's like, you've never really even set foot out the door. Like that's not a super realistic goal. And the problem that comes with that is that it gets, it's very easy to get down on yourself if you can't get out there and do what you wanna do right out the gate. And most people can't, like there's a learning curve with, with everything. So a lot of people are like, I'm gonna go big or go home and applaud the motivation, like way to go. But also it's unrealistic.
Tim Unsinn:
So what are some guidelines then? We're looking at setting those goals.
Christy Wilkie:
Yeah. figure out what's attainable. What can you do that's a little bit better than what you're doing today? And that could be, I always go back to running because I run, but it, instead of saying I wanna run five miles by the end of the week say, I wanna run for 30 seconds. Like, I just wanna see what it feels like to run like, and kind of get a feel of it. And that's the same with anything. You're not gonna, if you're an artist, you're not gonna be like, I'm gonna paint the Mona Lisa, you know, by Friday. It's like, no, you're maybe gonna learn brush strokes, you're gonna maybe sign up for a class. Like, those are all goals that you can put for yourself that are way more attainable. And then really celebrating progress I think is super important. A lot of times people feel like they can't celebrate until they get to where they wanna be.
Christy Wilkie:
It's like, you gotta enjoy the journey. If you don't enjoy the journey getting to where you wanna be, it's way more likely that you're just gonna kind of give up on it. And so if we wanna stick to it, you have to make the process enjoyable, which I think a lot of people don't really do. Instead, they tend to get down on themselves if they have a bad day or they, you know, they ate something they didn't want to eat or they didn't do something perfectly in a piano piece or something that they, that they wanted to do. And it's, it's be like, ah, well see, I, I'm terrible at it and I'm gonna give up on it. It's like, no, you gotta focus on the positives. What did you do? You tried today, that's more than what you were doing yesterday. And kind of trying to find ways to, to enjoy what you're doing instead of feeling like it's a burden. Goals shouldn't be a burden. They should be something that you're excited to look forward to and do.
Tim Unsinn:
So how important is it when setting those goals to keep in mind that, you know, we, we pace in front of the microwave. I mean, that's what we do. So when we set those goals and we don't reach them right away, we kind of feel like we're not making progress. So how do we, how do we handle that?
Christy Wilkie:
It's something I always call in in session. I call it deficit thinking, where we always look at what we don't have, what we're not doing, what's wrong with everything that we're doing, instead of looking at what are the positive things that we are doing. And that I think is a huge part of it. And it's this all or nothing thinking that often comes with goal setting that we really have to try to break. It's a thinking error that a lot of people have. Or if I, if I mess this up, then everything is gone, all my progress is gone. And it's, it's really just irrational thinking. There are cognitive distortions that you have, you can have a bad moment and that doesn't mean that your day is shot. That happens a lot with dieting. If people, you know, it's, it's a birthday and there are cupcakes and it's like, well I had a cupcakes and I'm just gonna throw the whole day away. And it's like, no, you had a cupcake and it's a birthday. Like, that's a pretty normal thing to do. Your whole progress isn't shot because you had a cupcake. You were celebrating life, good for you, move on and continue to make good choices.
Tim Unsinn:
You know, you might be on a sugar high for a little while, but <laugh> you might, but move on.
Christy Wilkie:
You might. Right? It's accepting that nobody's perfect. You're not perfect. I'm not perfect. We're gonna mess up. Like, progress is never linear. Progress is up and down and up and down and up and down, and eventually you get to where you wanna be, but you can't expect unrealistic things of yourself. That's not fair. And we also tell, I tell people frequently to talk to themselves, like they would talk to their best friend, be like, you know, if, if you told me that you messed something up, I'd be like, ah, Tim, dude, like, it's fine. Like, you're, you're just get back on it. You can do it tomorrow. And, and you'd be like, yeah, I can do it. But when it comes to talking to ourselves like that, we don't do that. We say, you are, you're bad, you're stupid, you're weak, you're whatever. And it's like that just isn't, it's not true. And it causes more anxiety and depression than it does for anything. Setting goals should be a very positive experience for people. And if you're finding that it isn't and it's more of a burden than it is fun, we gotta go back to the drawing board and figure out a different goal. <Laugh>.
Tim Unsinn:
We are our harshest critics.
Christy Wilkie:
We are always, yes.
Tim Unsinn:
So any, any final thoughts on setting healthy, realistic goals?
Christy Wilkie:
No, I think that about covers it.
Tim Unsinn:
Alright. Our guest on Mind your Mind has been Christy Wilkie. Before we wrap up, final question. What do you do personally, and I know some of these, what do you do personally to mind your mind?
Christy Wilkie:
Well, I mean, I run. I run and I cycle. I do a lot of exercise 'cause I find it's not just good to get out of bed and do something that always helps, but it's just, it's so good for your brain for any kind of movement. You don't have to run, you don't have to, you know, cycle 20 miles. You can just go take a walk or just do some yoga, anything like that. Really good.
Tim Unsinn:
Thank you Christy. Always appreciate you sharing your time and talent with us.
Christy Wilkie:
It's my pleasure.
Tim Unsinn:
Thank you for joining us for Mind Your Mind, a podcast presented by Dakota Family Services. You can't have health without behavioral health. Remember to mind your mind. For more information, links to additional resources, contact information, and much more, go to Dakotafamilyservices.org.
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