Setting Healthy & Realistic Goals
Episode Description
Setting goals is easy. Working towards them is hard. In this episode of Mind Your Mind, host Tim Unsinn talks with Dakota Family Services therapist Christy Wilkie about how to set healthy, realistic goals, as well as the importance of managing your expectations and staying persistent. Whether you’re starting an exercise routine, writing a book, trying a new diet, or building your career, keep these tips in mind when setting your next big goal.What to Expect
- Guidelines for setting goals
- Common mistakes to avoid when setting goals
- How to handle setbacks
Resources: Learn More
- “Goal-Setting,” (ewu.edu)
- “Your Best Year Ever: A 5-Step Plan for Achieving Your Most Important Goals,” by Michael Hyatt
Things to Think About
- How can you break down a long-term goal into smaller, daily goals?
- Working towards a goal should be a positive experience. What are some ways you can reward yourself as you make progress?
About the Hosts
Christy Wilkie provides therapy for children and adolescents, ages 5-25, who have complex behavioral health issues. She combines her extensive clinical expertise with a belief in kids, and has a unique ability to find and develop their strengths. She works hard to be an ideal therapist for her clients, doing what is best to fit their needs.
Transcript
Setting Healthy & Realistic Goals
Featuring Christy Wilkie, LCSW, Dakota Family Services
Tim Unsinn:
Welcome to Mind Your Mind, a podcast presented by Dakota Family Services, an outpatient behavioral health Clinic located in Minot, Bismarck, and Fargo, North Dakota. In this podcast, I will talk with our experts about understanding and nurturing our mental health and wellness. I'm your host, Tim Unsinn. Join me each episode as we explore the intricacies of our minds, decrease the stigma of mental illness, learn practical tips for managing our mental health and wellbeing, and recognize when it's time to ask for help. Join me now to Mind your mind. Welcome to this episode of Mind your Mind. Our guest is Christy Wilkie. Christy is a therapist in Fargo and provides outpatient therapy for children and adolescents, ages five to 25. Christy, it is great to have you on mind your mind. Our topic is setting healthy, realistic goals. However, before we get to today's topic, the question I ask all of our guests to start, and that is, why do you do what you do?
Christy Wilkie:
I do what I do to help people find the, the best way to live their life and to reach their full potential. And there's a lot of things that you learn by doing therapy with people about who they are and what they have the ability to be. And I am just always very thankful to be even just a small part of that journey.
Tim Unsinn:
Our topic is setting healthy, realistic goals. First question up, and don't look at me and laugh <laugh>, but what are some common mistakes people make when setting goals
Christy Wilkie:
<Laugh> Well, I think, you know, it's so easy to go to what you want the end goal to be like, what, what do you want to be doing in like two years? Instead of thinking, what is attainable for me in the next two or three days? Because it takes about 21 days to set a habit of any kind. Whether you're looking at eating or exercise, or you've got work goals, or you've got artistic goals, any sort of goal you have in order to work towards it, it takes about 21 days to make that a habit or to work it into your life. And so it's, it's figuring out how can you break down your big goal into smaller attainable goals and then celebrate that process on the way. So a lot of times people will be just really unrealistic in what they think they wanna do, where they'd be like, you know, I wanna, I wanna run a marathon in three months, <laugh>. And it's like, you've never really even set foot out the door. Like that's not a super realistic goal. And the problem that comes with that is that it gets, it's very easy to get down on yourself if you can't get out there and do what you wanna do right out the gate. And most people can't, like there's a learning curve with, with everything. So a lot of people are like, I'm gonna go big or go home and applaud the motivation, like way to go. But also it's unrealistic.
Tim Unsinn:
So what are some guidelines then? We're looking at setting those goals.
Christy Wilkie:
Yeah. figure out what's attainable. What can you do that's a little bit better than what you're doing today? And that could be, I always go back to running because I run, but it, instead of saying I wanna run five miles by the end of the week say, I wanna run for 30 seconds. Like, I just wanna see what it feels like to run like, and kind of get a feel of it. And that's the same with anything. You're not gonna, if you're an artist, you're not gonna be like, I'm gonna paint the Mona Lisa, you know, by Friday. It's like, no, you're maybe gonna learn brush strokes, you're gonna maybe sign up for a class. Like, those are all goals that you can put for yourself that are way more attainable. And then really celebrating progress I think is super important. A lot of times people feel like they can't celebrate until they get to where they wanna be.
Christy Wilkie:
It's like, you gotta enjoy the journey. If you don't enjoy the journey getting to where you wanna be, it's way more likely that you're just gonna kind of give up on it. And so if we wanna stick to it, you have to make the process enjoyable, which I think a lot of people don't really do. Instead, they tend to get down on themselves if they have a bad day or they, you know, they ate something they didn't want to eat or they didn't do something perfectly in a piano piece or something that they, that they wanted to do. And it's, it's be like, ah, well see, I, I'm terrible at it and I'm gonna give up on it. It's like, no, you gotta focus on the positives. What did you do? You tried today, that's more than what you were doing yesterday. And kind of trying to find ways to, to enjoy what you're doing instead of feeling like it's a burden. Goals shouldn't be a burden. They should be something that you're excited to look forward to and do.
Tim Unsinn:
So how important is it when setting those goals to keep in mind that, you know, we, we pace in front of the microwave. I mean, that's what we do. So when we set those goals and we don't reach them right away, we kind of feel like we're not making progress. So how do we, how do we handle that?
Christy Wilkie:
It's something I always call in in session. I call it deficit thinking, where we always look at what we don't have, what we're not doing, what's wrong with everything that we're doing, instead of looking at what are the positive things that we are doing. And that I think is a huge part of it. And it's this all or nothing thinking that often comes with goal setting that we really have to try to break. It's a thinking error that a lot of people have. Or if I, if I mess this up, then everything is gone, all my progress is gone. And it's, it's really just irrational thinking. There are cognitive distortions that you have, you can have a bad moment and that doesn't mean that your day is shot. That happens a lot with dieting. If people, you know, it's, it's a birthday and there are cupcakes and it's like, well I had a cupcakes and I'm just gonna throw the whole day away. And it's like, no, you had a cupcake and it's a birthday. Like, that's a pretty normal thing to do. Your whole progress isn't shot because you had a cupcake. You were celebrating life, good for you, move on and continue to make good choices.
Tim Unsinn:
You know, you might be on a sugar high for a little while, but <laugh> you might, but move on.
Christy Wilkie:
You might. Right? It's accepting that nobody's perfect. You're not perfect. I'm not perfect. We're gonna mess up. Like, progress is never linear. Progress is up and down and up and down and up and down, and eventually you get to where you wanna be, but you can't expect unrealistic things of yourself. That's not fair. And we also tell, I tell people frequently to talk to themselves, like they would talk to their best friend, be like, you know, if, if you told me that you messed something up, I'd be like, ah, Tim, dude, like, it's fine. Like, you're, you're just get back on it. You can do it tomorrow. And, and you'd be like, yeah, I can do it. But when it comes to talking to ourselves like that, we don't do that. We say, you are, you're bad, you're stupid, you're weak, you're whatever. And it's like that just isn't, it's not true. And it causes more anxiety and depression than it does for anything. Setting goals should be a very positive experience for people. And if you're finding that it isn't and it's more of a burden than it is fun, we gotta go back to the drawing board and figure out a different goal. <Laugh>.
Tim Unsinn:
We are our harshest critics.
Christy Wilkie:
We are always, yes.
Tim Unsinn:
So any, any final thoughts on setting healthy, realistic goals?
Christy Wilkie:
No, I think that about covers it.
Tim Unsinn:
Alright. Our guest on Mind your Mind has been Christy Wilkie. Before we wrap up, final question. What do you do personally, and I know some of these, what do you do personally to mind your mind?
Christy Wilkie:
Well, I mean, I run. I run and I cycle. I do a lot of exercise 'cause I find it's not just good to get out of bed and do something that always helps, but it's just, it's so good for your brain for any kind of movement. You don't have to run, you don't have to, you know, cycle 20 miles. You can just go take a walk or just do some yoga, anything like that. Really good.
Tim Unsinn:
Thank you Christy. Always appreciate you sharing your time and talent with us.
Christy Wilkie:
It's my pleasure.
Tim Unsinn:
Thank you for joining us for Mind Your Mind, a podcast presented by Dakota Family Services. You can't have health without behavioral health. Remember to mind your mind. For more information, links to additional resources, contact information, and much more, go to Dakotafamilyservices.org.
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Many of us know someone who has been diagnosed with a chronic illness, or have been diagnosed with one ourselves. In this episode of Mind Your Mind, host Tim Unsinn talks with therapist April Morris about how chronic illness can impact daily living and mental health, as well as how to seek support if you have been diagnosed with a chronic illness.;
Bipolar Disorder: Understanding the Highs and Lows
Although the term ‘bipolar’ is sometimes used as slang to describe someone who is moody or indecisive, true bipolar disorder is a complex and sometimes severe mental health disorder that affects the way a person thinks, feels, and behaves. In this episode of Mind Your Mind, host Tim Unsinn discusses bipolar disorder with nurse practitioner Amanda Daggett, touching on what the disorder is, what its symptoms look like, and how it can be treated.;
Social Media: Managing Emotions & Setting Boundaries
How much time do you spend each day looking at your phone? An hour or two? Multiple hours? In this episode of Mind Your Mind, host Tim Unsinn meets with therapist Christy Wilkie to discuss how social media use can impact our mental health, relationships, and behavior. Learn tips for monitoring your child’s internet use, as well as how to manage your own time spent on social media.;
Understanding OCD
While OCD is sometimes perceived as simply a desire to keep things neat and organized, it can actually have much more severe symptoms for those who experience it. In this episode of Mind Your Mind, host Tim Unsinn meets with psychologist Dr. Megan Spencer to talk about who Obsessive Compulsive Disorder affects, what its signs and symptoms are, and how to seek help if you or a loved one has been diagnosed with OCD.;
Breaking Bad Habits
Bad habits can be easy to start but sometimes very difficult to stop. In this episode of Mind Your Mind, host Tim Unsinn and therapist Falan Johnson talk about breaking bad habits, including where habits come from, how to know if a habit is bad, and steps you can take to stop it.;
Finding a Therapist
Are you looking for some help on your mental health journey? In this episode of Mind Your Mind, host Tim Unsinn and therapist Jessie Mertz talk about how to find a therapist, including what you should know when searching and what questions to ask when you meet a therapist for the first time. They also touch on what the letters after a therapist’s name mean, and how they apply to the type of services or treatment you might be looking for.;
Coping with Rejection
Whether it’s from asking someone on a date or applying for a job, we all experience rejection at some point in our lives. In this episode of Mind Your Mind, host Tim Unsinn talks with therapist April Morris about how to cope with rejection, including the common coping stages, the importance of acceptance, and how rejection can impact people differently.;
Borderline Personality Disorder
Like other personality disorders, borderline personality disorder is a commonly misunderstood and stigmatized mental illness. In this episode of Mind Your Mind, host Tim Unsinn talks with Lucas Mitzel, a therapist at Dakota Family Services, about what BPD is, how it affects someone’s behavior, and where to seek treatment if your child has been diagnosed with BPD.;
Psychological Assessments: What to Expect
Do you think you might be suffering from an undiagnosed mental disorder? If so, a psychological assessment might be able to help. In this episode of Mind Your Mind, psychologist Dr. Hannah Baczynski and host Tim Unsinn talk about what to expect from a psychological assessment, including what an assessment might include, what information you might receive from the psychologist, and what you should communicate with your psychologist before and after receiving an assessment.;
Supplements in Psychiatry
In this episode of Mind Your Mind, host Tim Unsinn and Amanda Daggett explore the topic of using supplements for mental health. In addition to talking about some of the most commonly used supplements like melatonin and St. John’s Wort, they also discuss the benefits, the risks, and the research surrounding various supplements.;
Seasonal Affective Disorder (Community Chat Series)
Feeling like you’ve got the winter blues? If you’re noticing symptoms of depression with the change of seasons, it may be a sign that you’re suffering from Seasonal Affective Disorder, or SAD. In this special Community Chat episode of Mind Your Mind, therapists Christy Wilkie and Lucas Mitzel discuss the common symptoms of Seasonal Affective Disorder, how it can affect other mental health disorders, and some useful tips, tricks, and resources for managing symptoms of SAD.;
Trying New Things With Confidence
Join Christy and Lucas, therapists at Dakota Family Services, as they share practical tips for building confidence when trying new things. From managing self-doubt to building resilience, this episode will empower you to approach new experiences with a positive mindset.;
Relationships are Hard
In this episode, Christy and Lucas explore why relationships can be so hard. Join them as they discuss the characteristics of both healthy and toxic relationships, talk about the difference between normal conflict and abuse, and help you discover your love languages so you and your partner can best express your love to each other.;
Is Everybody Anxious?
In this episode, Christy and Lucas explore anxiety. Join them as they discuss the signs and symptoms of an anxiety disorder, what you can do to decrease your anxiety, and how to best help loved ones struggling with anxiety.;
Is Everyone Feeling Sad
In this episode, Christy and Lucas explore depression. Join them as they discuss the signs and symptoms of Major Depressive Disorder, what you can do to help yourself feel better, and what you can do to help your loved ones. They will talk about coping strategies, therapy interventions, and ways to help you identify when your child might need extra help.;
Change is Hard
Change is inevitable. Join Christy and Lucas as they explore big and small changes and how they impact you. Learn why change can be so hard, even good change, and discover ways to manage it effectively.;
We Need to Talk About Suicide
In this episode of "Is It Just Me," Christy and Lucas discuss the very important topic of suicide. Listen to learn about risk factors, warning signs, and what you can do to help a loved one who is struggling. Remember, you are not alone. If you need immediate assistance, call 911. If you need to talk to someone, call the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline at 988.;
Do We Need to Get Outside?
Join Lucas and Christy as they explore the power of spending time outdoors on mental and emotional well-being. Discover practical tips, personal anecdotes, and expert insights on the benefits of getting outside and reconnecting with nature.;
Exploring ADHD
In this episode of "Is It Just Me?" Lucas and Christy discuss ADHD, shedding light on its prevalence and impact on daily life. Learn practical strategies for managing symptoms and understand why your friend or loved one with ADHD does the things they do.;
Internet Safety and Mental Health
In this episode of "Is It Just Me?", join our hosts Christy and Lucas as they delve into the complex relationship between the internet and mental health. With the digital age bringing information and social connections to our fingertips, it also presents unique challenges and opportunities for our safety and psychological well-being.;
Boosting Self-Esteem: From Marathons to Daily Triumphs
In this episode of "Is It Just Me?", Christy and Lucas discuss how common it is for people to see themselves differently from others. Using their own personal triumphs and challenges as examples, they outline the things that shape our self-esteem. Additionally, they share simple daily practices to help listeners recognize and celebrate their own personal victories. This episode is filled with tips and engaging stories aimed at encouraging listeners to undertake challenges that foster self-growth and personal confidence.;
Therapy Unveiled: What to Know Before You Go
In this episode of "Is It Just Me," Lucas and Christy talk about what it's like to begin therapy. Feeling apprehensive about starting therapy is normal, but surmountable. Together, Lucas and Christy unravel common myths about therapy and emphasize the role of therapy in disrupting negative life patterns and routines that are no longer serving you.;
Coping with the Back-to-School Blues
In the latest episode of “Is It Just Me?” Christy and Lucas tackle the transition from leisurely summer days to structured school schedules with warmth and wisdom. This episode is a must-listen for parents seeking guidance and strategies to help navigate the shift with confidence. Learn how to handle changes in routine, the importance of communication, and strategies to help the entire family adjust to and embrace the new normal. Listening to this episode can be your first step toward making back-to-school a season of growth and positive change for all.;
The Art of Overcoming Trauma
In this month’s episode of the "Is It Just Me?" podcast, Lucas Mitzel and Christy Wilkie, Dakota Family Services, dive into the complexities of trauma and its therapy. The episode sheds light on Trauma-Focused Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (TF-CBT) and the importance of creating a trauma narrative as a cornerstone of healing. The thoughtful discussions aim to educate listeners on the intricacies of trauma, the innovative methods used in therapy, and the role of caregivers in the recovery process. Through expert insights and compassionate storytelling, Lucas and Christy provide practical advice and real-world examples for individuals who have experienced trauma.;
Navigating Life Through Mindfulness
In this episode of “Is It Just Me?”, Lucas and Christy delve into the world of mindfulness and relaxation techniques. From body scans to mindfulness exercises, they provide a soothing experience to help you unwind and distress. Discover practical tips and advice on incorporating mindfulness into your daily routine and learn how to prioritize mental well-being in today's fast-paced world.;
Mindfulness: Body Scan
In this special additional episode of “Is It Just Me” join therapist Lucas Mitzel as he gives listeners a transformative journey within their own body and mind. In this episode, Lucas guides listeners through a soothing body scan to promote calm, mindfulness, and inner peace. This episode offers a unique mixdown of gentle narration, and relaxation techniques, leaving you feeling refreshed, rejuvenated, and more connected to yourself.;