How to Support a Friend with Cancer
Episode Description
When someone in our life has cancer, it's difficult to know what to say or how to help. In this episode of Mind Your Mind, Host Tim Unsinn talks to April Morris about how you can best support a friend or loved one who has cancer. Morris, an outpatient therapist at Dakota Family Services, shares tips for knowing what/what not to say, and actions that speak louder than words.What to Expect
- Learn what to say/not say to a friend or loved on with cancer.
- Understand that a friend’s cancer diagnosis is not about you.
- Think about things you can do to help.
Resources: Learn More
- “How to be Sick” by Toni Bernhard
- “You are Not Your Pain” by Vidyamala Burch and Danny Penman
- “You Don’t Look Sick” by Joy Selak, PhD and Steven Overman, MD
- “When Someone You Love Has a Chronic Illness” by Tamara McClintock Greenberg
- “Why does Mommy Hurt?” by Elizabeth M Christy
Things to Think About
- What can you say to support your friend during treatment?
- What can you do to support your friend during treatment?
- How can you help your friend keep some normalcy in their life?
About the Hosts
April Morris, LCSW, provides outpatient therapy for adolescents and adults age 16 and over. She uses a multi-faceted trauma-informed therapy approach including a variety of therapy techniques. She enjoys working with clients from all walks of life, and is honored to join them on their mental health journey and help them build skills to adapt to life challenges.
Transcript
How to Support a Friend with Cancer
Featuring April Morris, LCSW, Dakota Family Services
Host Tim Unsinn:
Welcome to Mind Your Mind, a podcast presented by Dakota Family Services, an outpatient behavioral health clinic located in Minot, Bismarck, and Fargo, North Dakota. In this podcast, I will talk with our experts about understanding and nurturing our mental health and wellness. I'm your host, Tim Unsinn. Join me each episode as we explore the intricacies of our minds, decrease the stigma of mental illness, learn practical tips for managing our mental health and wellbeing, and recognize when it's time to ask for help. Join me now to mind your mind. Welcome to this episode of Mind Your Mind. Our guest is April Morris. April is an outpatient therapist in Fargo and provides therapy for those over 16, primarily adults. April, it is great to have you on Mind Your Mind.
April Morris:
Thank you for having me.
Host Tim Unsinn:
Our topic is how to support someone diagnosed with cancer and their caregivers. However, before we get to the topic, there's a question I ask all guests on Mind your Mind. Why do you do what you do?
April Morris:
I think it's always hard to answer this question because there's a lot of reasons why I do what I do, but I do love to teach. I like to teach new skills and help people figure out how to overcome obstacles. And I'm always learning. I'm learning things from other people and it's really humbling and rewarding to be part of somebody else's story or their journey.
Host Tim Unsinn:
All right. Today's topic one that's near and dear to many people, I'm sure, because I don't know anyone that is not touched in some way by cancer. So talking about how to support someone diagnosed with cancer and their caregivers, what do we say and not say to a person with cancer?
April Morris:
Sure. And I think this is a good topic because I think we all have good intentions, right. But we just don't always know what to say. I think first you make sure that you take a step back before you talk to your friend and make sure that you're really processing your thoughts and feelings about it. Um, maybe look up a little information because then when you do talk to this person, um, you know, you want to make sure the focus is on them and not answering your questions or making you feel right, more comfortable. So some of the things to say would just be, you know, I'm thinking about you, I care about you. I'm sorry this has happened to you. I think what's hard, you know, I don't want to say it's something not to say, but I think it's hard, a lot of people just say, "let me know if I can do anything for you." And it's just really open-ended. So I think anytime we can just be really intentional with our words, just letting them know that we care, letting them know that we're available if they want to talk, and trying to help them keep some normalcy, right, in their life. If they have a lot of chaos going on, but you guys have always had coffee every Sunday, still offer to have coffee every Sunday. And that's going to be really important to them. Things maybe not to say, specifically, I think the biggest ones that I've heard from people that I've worked with is being overly positive. "I'm sure it'll be okay." "I'm sure you'll be fine." When they're waiting for maybe test results or finalizing their treatment plans, you know, you can still be positive and supportive, but just maybe not so far to the other side, right. You know, "I'm hoping for the best." "I'll be thinking of you." And this goes back to the things to say, not comparing their experience to somebody else's. My great-grandma had this type of cancer and this is what happened. Good or bad. Right? Good or bad stories. They just, it's not helpful to have a comparable experience. Cause unfortunately, nobody's cancer experience is the same. So I think those are the two biggest ones. I have also heard just comments about if they look different, commenting on, if they look different, just like when someone says, "Oh, you look tired," right? We know that maybe we don't look very well. Having somebody point it out isn't going to make us feel any more comfortable, in general. Or trying to compare feelings, "I know how you feel." Even something as simple as "You're so brave," or "You're so strong." That can actually have an adverse effect in that people then feel like they can't ask for help or they can't tell people that they're struggling, that they really have to put on this show. And so again, really just less is more and being just available and being there is super important. And actually actions speak a lot louder than words.
Host Tim Unsinn:
Yeah. I get the action piece because that's something we can, I think you mentioned routine; stick to the routine until you're told you can't stick to the routine. Treat them normally, treat them like you would every day because they are the same person, just going through a tough situation, but you need to be there for them and actions. It's a note, it's a treat; it's something, but yeah, actions, great, great point. Our guest on Mind Your Mind is April Morris and we are talking about how to support someone diagnosed with cancer and their caregivers. So what are some common misconceptions when a person has finished their treatment?
April Morris:
So this is something that I often would see people in ongoing sessions about or in support groups, is they're still trying to adjust to, you know, what oncology calls a new normal. They're trying to just adjust to what is this like, because they may still have some physical side effects from their treatment. Um, they're always gonna have kind of some lingering fears and anxiety right, of recurrence. So for them, their life has ever-changed. It doesn't just go back to the way that it was. So for people sometimes might say, well, your treatment's done now, right? You're doing okay, right? For them, it's not ever going to be the way that it was. And I think it's just important to acknowledge that. Or if it's something that you're like, why are they still worried about this? Why are we still talking about this? You know, their treatment was five years ago and every year she celebrates her clear scan. She's probably going to do that for the rest of her life because this was life-changing for them. And I think it's easy to lose that perspective, the farther we get away from that person's treatment completion. So just remember that their journey doesn't end, just a part of it did.
Host Tim Unsinn:
Yeah. I can see that because, it may not be on your mind, but they're the one going through the cancer, even with the treatments being successful, it's always on the back of their mind. It's always something they're thinking about. Now some ways that we can show our care and support for that person.
April Morris:
Yeah. So when we were talking about actions, speak louder than words, this is, it can be a fine balance between trying to make sure you're not too pushy, but giving specific tasks, like, can I bring over a casserole? Can I make your family a lasagna? Instead of just saying, again, do you need anything? Can we be a little more specific or intentional with our offers? So it might be, you know, offer to run an errand, clean up the house, drive them to a doctor's appointment, go with to a doctor's appointment, take notes if another family member can't be there. It's definitely overwhelming to keep track of it all. And I think any of those things. Obviously care packages. Um, if you feel inclined to do more of a gift, um, things that are practical, like gift cards for gas, if they have to travel to their treatment, grocery cards, take out food, right? Things that are going to be really helpful if there's going to be a financial burden to their experience to consider.
Host Tim Unsinn:
Those are some amazing tips to help us, those of us that have friends or family going through the cancer battle. And again, it has touched and reached everybody. It's not just, I mean, I don't know anybody that's not been touched in some way by cancer. April, thank you. Those were some great tips on helping us show our love and care for those around us while being normal and staying in the routine and not treating them any differently. So that's very helpful information. Thank you. As we wrap up, I do have that one last question for you and you know the question, well, what do you do to personally mind your mind?
April Morris:
I try to make sure that my self-care includes a little bit of alone time at night. Um, but also during the day, spending time with my family and we love going to the lakes, having a lake place and just being really active outdoors.
Host Tim Unsinn:
Thank you. April, April Morris, our guest on Mind Your Mind. April's an outpatient therapist in Fargo, providing therapy for those over 16, primarily adults. Thank you for joining us for Mind Your Mind, a podcast presented by Dakota Family Services. You can't have health without behavioral health. Remember to mind your mind. For more information links, to additional resources, contact information, and much more go to dakotafamilyservices.org.
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Many of us know someone who has been diagnosed with a chronic illness, or have been diagnosed with one ourselves. In this episode of Mind Your Mind, host Tim Unsinn talks with therapist April Morris about how chronic illness can impact daily living and mental health, as well as how to seek support if you have been diagnosed with a chronic illness.;
Bipolar Disorder: Understanding the Highs and Lows
Although the term ‘bipolar’ is sometimes used as slang to describe someone who is moody or indecisive, true bipolar disorder is a complex and sometimes severe mental health disorder that affects the way a person thinks, feels, and behaves. In this episode of Mind Your Mind, host Tim Unsinn discusses bipolar disorder with nurse practitioner Amanda Daggett, touching on what the disorder is, what its symptoms look like, and how it can be treated.;
Social Media: Managing Emotions & Setting Boundaries
How much time do you spend each day looking at your phone? An hour or two? Multiple hours? In this episode of Mind Your Mind, host Tim Unsinn meets with therapist Christy Wilkie to discuss how social media use can impact our mental health, relationships, and behavior. Learn tips for monitoring your child’s internet use, as well as how to manage your own time spent on social media.;
Understanding OCD
While OCD is sometimes perceived as simply a desire to keep things neat and organized, it can actually have much more severe symptoms for those who experience it. In this episode of Mind Your Mind, host Tim Unsinn meets with psychologist Dr. Megan Spencer to talk about who Obsessive Compulsive Disorder affects, what its signs and symptoms are, and how to seek help if you or a loved one has been diagnosed with OCD.;
Breaking Bad Habits
Bad habits can be easy to start but sometimes very difficult to stop. In this episode of Mind Your Mind, host Tim Unsinn and therapist Falan Johnson talk about breaking bad habits, including where habits come from, how to know if a habit is bad, and steps you can take to stop it.;
Finding a Therapist
Are you looking for some help on your mental health journey? In this episode of Mind Your Mind, host Tim Unsinn and therapist Jessie Mertz talk about how to find a therapist, including what you should know when searching and what questions to ask when you meet a therapist for the first time. They also touch on what the letters after a therapist’s name mean, and how they apply to the type of services or treatment you might be looking for.;
Coping with Rejection
Whether it’s from asking someone on a date or applying for a job, we all experience rejection at some point in our lives. In this episode of Mind Your Mind, host Tim Unsinn talks with therapist April Morris about how to cope with rejection, including the common coping stages, the importance of acceptance, and how rejection can impact people differently.;
Borderline Personality Disorder
Like other personality disorders, borderline personality disorder is a commonly misunderstood and stigmatized mental illness. In this episode of Mind Your Mind, host Tim Unsinn talks with Lucas Mitzel, a therapist at Dakota Family Services, about what BPD is, how it affects someone’s behavior, and where to seek treatment if your child has been diagnosed with BPD.;
Psychological Assessments: What to Expect
Do you think you might be suffering from an undiagnosed mental disorder? If so, a psychological assessment might be able to help. In this episode of Mind Your Mind, psychologist Dr. Hannah Baczynski and host Tim Unsinn talk about what to expect from a psychological assessment, including what an assessment might include, what information you might receive from the psychologist, and what you should communicate with your psychologist before and after receiving an assessment.;
Supplements in Psychiatry
In this episode of Mind Your Mind, host Tim Unsinn and Amanda Daggett explore the topic of using supplements for mental health. In addition to talking about some of the most commonly used supplements like melatonin and St. John’s Wort, they also discuss the benefits, the risks, and the research surrounding various supplements.;
Seasonal Affective Disorder (Community Chat Series)
Feeling like you’ve got the winter blues? If you’re noticing symptoms of depression with the change of seasons, it may be a sign that you’re suffering from Seasonal Affective Disorder, or SAD. In this special Community Chat episode of Mind Your Mind, therapists Christy Wilkie and Lucas Mitzel discuss the common symptoms of Seasonal Affective Disorder, how it can affect other mental health disorders, and some useful tips, tricks, and resources for managing symptoms of SAD.;
Trying New Things With Confidence
Join Christy and Lucas, therapists at Dakota Family Services, as they share practical tips for building confidence when trying new things. From managing self-doubt to building resilience, this episode will empower you to approach new experiences with a positive mindset.;
Relationships are Hard
In this episode, Christy and Lucas explore why relationships can be so hard. Join them as they discuss the characteristics of both healthy and toxic relationships, talk about the difference between normal conflict and abuse, and help you discover your love languages so you and your partner can best express your love to each other.;
Is Everybody Anxious?
In this episode, Christy and Lucas explore anxiety. Join them as they discuss the signs and symptoms of an anxiety disorder, what you can do to decrease your anxiety, and how to best help loved ones struggling with anxiety.;
Is Everyone Feeling Sad
In this episode, Christy and Lucas explore depression. Join them as they discuss the signs and symptoms of Major Depressive Disorder, what you can do to help yourself feel better, and what you can do to help your loved ones. They will talk about coping strategies, therapy interventions, and ways to help you identify when your child might need extra help.;
Change is Hard
Change is inevitable. Join Christy and Lucas as they explore big and small changes and how they impact you. Learn why change can be so hard, even good change, and discover ways to manage it effectively.;
We Need to Talk About Suicide
In this episode of "Is It Just Me," Christy and Lucas discuss the very important topic of suicide. Listen to learn about risk factors, warning signs, and what you can do to help a loved one who is struggling. Remember, you are not alone. If you need immediate assistance, call 911. If you need to talk to someone, call the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline at 988.;
Do We Need to Get Outside?
Join Lucas and Christy as they explore the power of spending time outdoors on mental and emotional well-being. Discover practical tips, personal anecdotes, and expert insights on the benefits of getting outside and reconnecting with nature.;
Exploring ADHD
In this episode of "Is It Just Me?" Lucas and Christy discuss ADHD, shedding light on its prevalence and impact on daily life. Learn practical strategies for managing symptoms and understand why your friend or loved one with ADHD does the things they do.;
Internet Safety and Mental Health
In this episode of "Is It Just Me?", join our hosts Christy and Lucas as they delve into the complex relationship between the internet and mental health. With the digital age bringing information and social connections to our fingertips, it also presents unique challenges and opportunities for our safety and psychological well-being.;
Boosting Self-Esteem: From Marathons to Daily Triumphs
In this episode of "Is It Just Me?", Christy and Lucas discuss how common it is for people to see themselves differently from others. Using their own personal triumphs and challenges as examples, they outline the things that shape our self-esteem. Additionally, they share simple daily practices to help listeners recognize and celebrate their own personal victories. This episode is filled with tips and engaging stories aimed at encouraging listeners to undertake challenges that foster self-growth and personal confidence.;
Therapy Unveiled: What to Know Before You Go
In this episode of "Is It Just Me," Lucas and Christy talk about what it's like to begin therapy. Feeling apprehensive about starting therapy is normal, but surmountable. Together, Lucas and Christy unravel common myths about therapy and emphasize the role of therapy in disrupting negative life patterns and routines that are no longer serving you.;
Coping with the Back-to-School Blues
In the latest episode of “Is It Just Me?” Christy and Lucas tackle the transition from leisurely summer days to structured school schedules with warmth and wisdom. This episode is a must-listen for parents seeking guidance and strategies to help navigate the shift with confidence. Learn how to handle changes in routine, the importance of communication, and strategies to help the entire family adjust to and embrace the new normal. Listening to this episode can be your first step toward making back-to-school a season of growth and positive change for all.;
The Art of Overcoming Trauma
In this month’s episode of the "Is It Just Me?" podcast, Lucas Mitzel and Christy Wilkie, Dakota Family Services, dive into the complexities of trauma and its therapy. The episode sheds light on Trauma-Focused Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (TF-CBT) and the importance of creating a trauma narrative as a cornerstone of healing. The thoughtful discussions aim to educate listeners on the intricacies of trauma, the innovative methods used in therapy, and the role of caregivers in the recovery process. Through expert insights and compassionate storytelling, Lucas and Christy provide practical advice and real-world examples for individuals who have experienced trauma.;
Navigating Life Through Mindfulness
In this episode of “Is It Just Me?”, Lucas and Christy delve into the world of mindfulness and relaxation techniques. From body scans to mindfulness exercises, they provide a soothing experience to help you unwind and distress. Discover practical tips and advice on incorporating mindfulness into your daily routine and learn how to prioritize mental well-being in today's fast-paced world.;
Mindfulness: Body Scan
In this special additional episode of “Is It Just Me” join therapist Lucas Mitzel as he gives listeners a transformative journey within their own body and mind. In this episode, Lucas guides listeners through a soothing body scan to promote calm, mindfulness, and inner peace. This episode offers a unique mixdown of gentle narration, and relaxation techniques, leaving you feeling refreshed, rejuvenated, and more connected to yourself.;
Beyond the Labels: Dismantling Myths About Mental Health
In this podcast episode of “Is It Just Me?” Lucas Mitzel and Christy Wilkie delve deep into the prevalent stigma and myths surrounding mental health. Through personal stories and insightful discussions, they aim to challenge misconceptions, break down barriers, and promote greater understanding and empathy towards people dealing with mental health challenges.;