Becoming a Better You
Episode Description
In today's world, we are constantly bombarded by messages about who we should be, how we should look, what we should do or wear, and more. With the increased accessibility and prevalence of social media, kids and adolescents are hearing and seeing these messages at younger and younger ages. How do we help ourselves and our teens combat these messages and find our true selves? In this episode of "Mind Your Mind," Therapist Jenika Rufer helps us wade through the unimportant things to find what we truly value so we can become our best selves.What to Expect
- Learn the difference between "fitting in" and staying true to yourself.
- Identify the messages you consume that don't align with who you want to be.
Resources: Learn More
- The Happiness Trap by Russ Harris
- How to Stay True to Yourself by Brene Brown, Oprah Daily
- Social Media and Self-Doubt: How parents can help kids resist the pressure created by artfully curated social media feeds., Child Mind Institute
Things to Think About
- What do you value? Would therapy help you identify your core values?
- Do your actions align with who you are and who you want to be?
- Are you happy in your own skin?
Transcript
Becoming a Better You
Featuring Therapist Jenika Rufer, LAPC
Host Tim Unsinn:
Welcome to Mind Your Mind, a podcast presented by Dakota Family Services, an outpatient behavioral health clinic, located in Minot, Bismarck, and Fargo, North Dakota. In this podcast, I will talk with our experts about understanding and nurturing our mental health and wellness. I'm your host, Tim Unsinn. Join me each episode as we explore the intricacies of our minds, decrease the stigma of mental illness, learn practical tips for managing our mental health and well-being, and recognize when it's time to ask for help. Join me now to Mind Your Mind.
TU:
Welcome to this episode of Mind Your Mind. Our guest is Jenika Rufer. Jenika's, a therapist. Jenika, great to have you on Mind Your Mind. And this is, I think, your first podcast, which is very cool. And our topic is "how to fit in while staying true to yourself." However, before we get to the topic, there's a question I always ask our guests before we start, and that is, why do you do what you do?
Jenika Rufer:
Lovely. Yes. So it's actually a question I feel like people in this field get all the time, of like, why do you do this work? Which I get, it's a cool question. So I think, I never really growing up saw myself going into this field. Specifically, I didn't even know that therapy was really a thing. It's kind of, you know, a foreign thing for a lot of people. So I think I grew up surrounded by mental health and people's own struggles with mental health, my own,, and never knew that this was an option for people to kind of receive help. And, you know, as I grew up and learned more about it, I've just been kind of enamored by the human experience and kind of who we are and the struggles we go through, but also the great things we experience. And this job is just a way to sit with people through all of that, the good, the bad, and kind of walk along that journey with them. And it's a really cool experience and I think it's kind of why I went into it, is to have that connection with other humans and kind of see that experience and journey for them.
TU:
That's great to hear. Thank you. Our topic is how to fit in while staying true to yourself. So what does it mean to stay true to yourself?
JR:
I think it can mean a lot of different things in this day and age. And it can be a struggle, to say the least, to stay true to yourself nowadays with all of the things we have going on: technology, social media, everything that's out there. But I think staying true to yourself means knowing who you are at your core, kind of your values, and living intentionally through them, and knowing that the decisions you're making, the ways you're interacting with the world, kind of what you're doing, does that align with who you are and who you wanna be. And you know, I think therapy can be really helpful for that, and kind of exploring who you are and finding your core values because you know, we're fed so much information and societal pressures and values on how you should look and what you should believe and who you should be, but you know, who are you really, aside from all of those? So I think staying true to yourself means finding those and kind of living intentionally through them.
TU:
You know, I think of, you mentioned social media and I think that so many people put so much into social media, so staying true to ourselves looks a little different today and it seems harder.
JR:
Mm-Hmm. I mean, I'm not that old by any means, but I sit with clients nowadays and they have things going on for them that I didn't have to grow up with in terms of social media. And I would definitely say it's harder. Like the things they've grown up online and seeing these images of what's perfect and how you should be, since they were young. And like lucky for me, I grew up without a phone for quite a while, so I didn't have those messages. And now, you know, they're being ingrained at a younger age. So I think it's definitely gotten harder.
TU:
So how do we walk through that though? I mean it because it's always in front of us. What are some, maybe some tips or tools to navigate all those, those pressure points, if you will?
JR:
I say this about a lot of things, I think it starts with awareness. So being aware that the stuff you are consuming online and elsewhere is most likely, someone's profiting off of that. And so like knowing that what you're consuming is impacting you and it's probably not for your benefit. So kind of having that deeper look at it and knowing that it's not making you who you are. These are messages being pushed by bigger corporations, industries, societal norms that kind of are trying to steer you in that direction and that it doesn't have to mean what they're saying.
TU:
Well, so should fitting in be the end goal, or rather finding what makes you true to your, you know, self and being okay with that?
JR:
Yeah. So yeah, the idea of fitting in, I think when I had looked at these questions before, I was like, well, is that what we want? Like, I don't know, I think that's what a lot of people push is like, you know, "I just wanna fit in." But like, I think what we want is to be true to ourselves, not to fit in, like maybe you do fit in, but also if you're fitting in because you're not aligning with your values, then is that really the goal at the end of the day? I think the goal should be finding who you are, being intentional, aligning with your values and kind of what makes you, you and what makes you happy. And if that means you don't fit in, I think then you should be okay with that. Like, we all don't need to fit in. The world would be a pretty boring place if we were all the same. So I think being unique and being yourself and not conforming to all of the things society tells you you should, should be what matters at the end of the day. Not whether you, you know, are wearing all the same clothes and fitting in and doing all of the trends and all of that.
TU:
So being true to yourself is being who you are, being able to fit in your own skin, if you will.
JR:
Right? Yeah. At the end of the day, we are only, you know, we spend the most time with ourselves, in our own head. And so we should want to fit in with ourselves the most. We should want to be happy with ourselves. And so rather than fitting in with everyone else, like are you happy in your own head with who you are at the end of the day, sitting at home?
TU:
That is great, great stuff. You know, fitting in, while staying true to ourselves. Appreciate the information. It's a great topic. Jenika Rufer is a therapist on the Fargo campus of Dakota Family Services. And we've been talking about, again, staying true to yourself. Before we wrap up though, it's always that question, because we talk about all our great topics, what do we do? So what do you do personally to mind your mind?
JR:
Yes. So I think, I love that question too. And I think it changes over time. You know, we learn how to take care of ourselves differently. We try different things and as a therapist, we're thrown all these interventions and things. And I think what stuck with me over the years and the skills I have learned that helped me mind my mind the best are definitely living through my values. Like great topic that I'm so passionate about. So I like to make sure that my daily living and what I'm doing, like decisions I make, words I use, things I do, like, does that align with who I am and will that make me feel good at the end of the day? And so ways I do that, I do a lot of like journaling and like thinking out my thought processes so I like can understand myself better. And one of the more like on-brand things I do, I guess I'm really into like physical movement in terms of like helping your mental health. So I run a lot. I think that's a really great way to kind of meditate, in a way, and distract yourself from all of the chaos of the world. And so I think at the end of the day it's about finding what works for you, like staying true to yourself and your coping mechanisms also, because not everything's gonna work the same for the same person.
TU:
Thank you. Thank you for being on Mind Your Mind. We appreciate your time and talent and appreciate the insights you had.
JR:
Thank you.
TU:
Thank you for joining us for Mind Your Mind, a podcast presented by Dakota Family Services. For more information, links to additional resources, contact information, and much more, go to dakotafamilyservices.org.
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How much time do you spend each day looking at your phone? An hour or two? Multiple hours? In this episode of Mind Your Mind, host Tim Unsinn meets with therapist Christy Wilkie to discuss how social media use can impact our mental health, relationships, and behavior. Learn tips for monitoring your child’s internet use, as well as how to manage your own time spent on social media.;
Understanding OCD
While OCD is sometimes perceived as simply a desire to keep things neat and organized, it can actually have much more severe symptoms for those who experience it. In this episode of Mind Your Mind, host Tim Unsinn meets with psychologist Dr. Megan Spencer to talk about who Obsessive Compulsive Disorder affects, what its signs and symptoms are, and how to seek help if you or a loved one has been diagnosed with OCD.;
Breaking Bad Habits
Bad habits can be easy to start but sometimes very difficult to stop. In this episode of Mind Your Mind, host Tim Unsinn and therapist Falan Johnson talk about breaking bad habits, including where habits come from, how to know if a habit is bad, and steps you can take to stop it.;
Finding a Therapist
Are you looking for some help on your mental health journey? In this episode of Mind Your Mind, host Tim Unsinn and therapist Jessie Mertz talk about how to find a therapist, including what you should know when searching and what questions to ask when you meet a therapist for the first time. They also touch on what the letters after a therapist’s name mean, and how they apply to the type of services or treatment you might be looking for.;
Coping with Rejection
Whether it’s from asking someone on a date or applying for a job, we all experience rejection at some point in our lives. In this episode of Mind Your Mind, host Tim Unsinn talks with therapist April Morris about how to cope with rejection, including the common coping stages, the importance of acceptance, and how rejection can impact people differently.;
Borderline Personality Disorder
Like other personality disorders, borderline personality disorder is a commonly misunderstood and stigmatized mental illness. In this episode of Mind Your Mind, host Tim Unsinn talks with Lucas Mitzel, a therapist at Dakota Family Services, about what BPD is, how it affects someone’s behavior, and where to seek treatment if your child has been diagnosed with BPD.;
Psychological Assessments: What to Expect
Do you think you might be suffering from an undiagnosed mental disorder? If so, a psychological assessment might be able to help. In this episode of Mind Your Mind, psychologist Dr. Hannah Baczynski and host Tim Unsinn talk about what to expect from a psychological assessment, including what an assessment might include, what information you might receive from the psychologist, and what you should communicate with your psychologist before and after receiving an assessment.;
Supplements in Psychiatry
In this episode of Mind Your Mind, host Tim Unsinn and Amanda Daggett explore the topic of using supplements for mental health. In addition to talking about some of the most commonly used supplements like melatonin and St. John’s Wort, they also discuss the benefits, the risks, and the research surrounding various supplements.;
Seasonal Affective Disorder (Community Chat Series)
Feeling like you’ve got the winter blues? If you’re noticing symptoms of depression with the change of seasons, it may be a sign that you’re suffering from Seasonal Affective Disorder, or SAD. In this special Community Chat episode of Mind Your Mind, therapists Christy Wilkie and Lucas Mitzel discuss the common symptoms of Seasonal Affective Disorder, how it can affect other mental health disorders, and some useful tips, tricks, and resources for managing symptoms of SAD.;
Trying New Things With Confidence
Join Christy and Lucas, therapists at Dakota Family Services, as they share practical tips for building confidence when trying new things. From managing self-doubt to building resilience, this episode will empower you to approach new experiences with a positive mindset.;
Relationships are Hard
In this episode, Christy and Lucas explore why relationships can be so hard. Join them as they discuss the characteristics of both healthy and toxic relationships, talk about the difference between normal conflict and abuse, and help you discover your love languages so you and your partner can best express your love to each other.;
Is Everybody Anxious?
In this episode, Christy and Lucas explore anxiety. Join them as they discuss the signs and symptoms of an anxiety disorder, what you can do to decrease your anxiety, and how to best help loved ones struggling with anxiety.;
Is Everyone Feeling Sad
In this episode, Christy and Lucas explore depression. Join them as they discuss the signs and symptoms of Major Depressive Disorder, what you can do to help yourself feel better, and what you can do to help your loved ones. They will talk about coping strategies, therapy interventions, and ways to help you identify when your child might need extra help.;
Change is Hard
Change is inevitable. Join Christy and Lucas as they explore big and small changes and how they impact you. Learn why change can be so hard, even good change, and discover ways to manage it effectively.;
We Need to Talk About Suicide
In this episode of "Is It Just Me," Christy and Lucas discuss the very important topic of suicide. Listen to learn about risk factors, warning signs, and what you can do to help a loved one who is struggling. Remember, you are not alone. If you need immediate assistance, call 911. If you need to talk to someone, call the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline at 988.;
Do We Need to Get Outside?
Join Lucas and Christy as they explore the power of spending time outdoors on mental and emotional well-being. Discover practical tips, personal anecdotes, and expert insights on the benefits of getting outside and reconnecting with nature.;
Exploring ADHD
In this episode of "Is It Just Me?" Lucas and Christy discuss ADHD, shedding light on its prevalence and impact on daily life. Learn practical strategies for managing symptoms and understand why your friend or loved one with ADHD does the things they do.;
Internet Safety and Mental Health
In this episode of "Is It Just Me?", join our hosts Christy and Lucas as they delve into the complex relationship between the internet and mental health. With the digital age bringing information and social connections to our fingertips, it also presents unique challenges and opportunities for our safety and psychological well-being.;
Boosting Self-Esteem: From Marathons to Daily Triumphs
In this episode of "Is It Just Me?", Christy and Lucas discuss how common it is for people to see themselves differently from others. Using their own personal triumphs and challenges as examples, they outline the things that shape our self-esteem. Additionally, they share simple daily practices to help listeners recognize and celebrate their own personal victories. This episode is filled with tips and engaging stories aimed at encouraging listeners to undertake challenges that foster self-growth and personal confidence.;
Therapy Unveiled: What to Know Before You Go
In this episode of "Is It Just Me," Lucas and Christy talk about what it's like to begin therapy. Feeling apprehensive about starting therapy is normal, but surmountable. Together, Lucas and Christy unravel common myths about therapy and emphasize the role of therapy in disrupting negative life patterns and routines that are no longer serving you.;
Coping with the Back-to-School Blues
In the latest episode of “Is It Just Me?” Christy and Lucas tackle the transition from leisurely summer days to structured school schedules with warmth and wisdom. This episode is a must-listen for parents seeking guidance and strategies to help navigate the shift with confidence. Learn how to handle changes in routine, the importance of communication, and strategies to help the entire family adjust to and embrace the new normal. Listening to this episode can be your first step toward making back-to-school a season of growth and positive change for all.;
The Art of Overcoming Trauma
In this month’s episode of the "Is It Just Me?" podcast, Lucas Mitzel and Christy Wilkie, Dakota Family Services, dive into the complexities of trauma and its therapy. The episode sheds light on Trauma-Focused Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (TF-CBT) and the importance of creating a trauma narrative as a cornerstone of healing. The thoughtful discussions aim to educate listeners on the intricacies of trauma, the innovative methods used in therapy, and the role of caregivers in the recovery process. Through expert insights and compassionate storytelling, Lucas and Christy provide practical advice and real-world examples for individuals who have experienced trauma.;
Navigating Life Through Mindfulness
In this episode of “Is It Just Me?”, Lucas and Christy delve into the world of mindfulness and relaxation techniques. From body scans to mindfulness exercises, they provide a soothing experience to help you unwind and distress. Discover practical tips and advice on incorporating mindfulness into your daily routine and learn how to prioritize mental well-being in today's fast-paced world.;
Mindfulness: Body Scan
In this special additional episode of “Is It Just Me” join therapist Lucas Mitzel as he gives listeners a transformative journey within their own body and mind. In this episode, Lucas guides listeners through a soothing body scan to promote calm, mindfulness, and inner peace. This episode offers a unique mixdown of gentle narration, and relaxation techniques, leaving you feeling refreshed, rejuvenated, and more connected to yourself.;