Resources: Learn More

• "The Resilience Workbook for Kids," by Caren Baruch-Feldman, Ph.D.
• "Resilient: Restoring Your Weary Soul in These Turbulent Times," by John Eldredge.
• "Resilient: How to Grow an Unshakable Core of Calm, Strength, and Happiness," by Rick Hanson, Ph.D.

Things to Think About

• What are you doing to foster wellness in your body and mind?
• Do you try to ignore negative feelings, or acknowledge and accept them?
• What is one thing you can do today to build your resilience?

About the Hosts

Dr. Megan Spencer is a clinical psychologist at Dakota Family Services. She is passionate about working with individuals and their families and highly values the therapeutic relationship. Dr. Spencer enjoys helping people better understand themselves and their psychological functioning. She looks forward to working with anyone who is looking to better understand and/or improve themselves or their children and families. Her practice includes diagnostic and psychological evaluations and individual cognitive behavioral therapy.

Transcript
Building Resilience in Ten Steps

Featuring Dr. Megan Spencer, Psychologist, Dakota Family Services

Host Tim Unsinn: 

Welcome to Mind Your Mind, a podcast presented by Dakota Family Services, an outpatient behavioral health clinic located in Minot, Bismarck, and Fargo, North Dakota. In this podcast, I will talk with our experts about understanding and nurturing our mental health and wellness. I'm your host, Tim Unsinn. Join me each episode as we explore the intricacies of our minds, decrease the stigma of mental illness, learn practical tips for managing our mental health and wellbeing, and recognize when it's time to ask for help. Join me now to Mind Your Mind. 

TU: 

Welcome to this episode of Mind Your Mind. Our guest is Dr. Megan Spencer. Dr. Spencer is a clinical psychologist and provides diagnostic and psychological evaluations, and CBT. Dr. Spencer, great to have you on Mind Your Mind. Our topic is building resilience in 10 steps. However, before we get to the topic, let's talk about why you do what you do. Why is this work important to you? 

Dr. Megan Spencer: 

It's pretty simple for me. I love helping people. I love being a part of their journey and watching them grow and develop into truly the person they wanna be. 

TU: 

That's awesome. Well, today's topic: building resilience in 10 steps. And it seems like, okay, 10 steps is manageable. You know, if you'd have said 20, I'd have been alarmed, but we'll go with the 10 steps. That works out. So first, what is resilience? 

MS: 

So we definitely hear a lot of people talk about resilience, but really psychologists define resilience as the process of adapting in the face of adversity, tragedy, trauma, significant stressors. So really resilience is our ability to kind of bounce back. And then really through that process of bouncing back, we can have some personal growth. 

TU: 

Now on the opposite side of that, because you talked about things that we're able to bounce back from, and sometimes, you know, you hear those things and it seems like, oh, that should be pretty easy to bounce back from, but not everyone handles that stress in the same way. So what is not resilience? 

MS: 

So resilience is not a personality trait or characteristic. Resilience certainly does not mean an individual isn't gonna face adversity. It does not mean someone won't face stressors because to be honest, no matter who we are, we're gonna face 'em. But resilience is really our ability to bounce back, like I said. And what it isn't is, it most certainly isn't something that only some people possess and others do not. Resilience isn't also you know, ignoring or emotional numbing or pretending that a problem doesn't exist. Right. It's kind of about facing it. But then our ability to overcome. 

TU: 

All right. So with resilience and not resilience, what are some steps for building that resilience? Now there are 10 of them, so go slow. I'm taking notes! 

MS: 

Fair enough. I'll try to be as thorough but brief. Right. Okay. So 10 steps. First and foremost, we talk about this all the time, build connections, right? Prioritize relationships with the people in your life that are helpful and bring joy. Not that everything is rainbows and butterflies when it comes to relationships, but this is more about prioritizing and building those special relationships with people that we have in our lives that we, we truly cherish and know that support us and validate our feelings. And so how you prioritize that it, you know, it can look differently. Maybe that's date nights with your partner or spouse. Maybe that is, you know, prioritizing a family game night. Maybe that's prioritizing once a month, get together with your friends. Those things are important. And so cherish those relationships and prioritize. And that's that's number one. 

MS: 

Number two, we talk about wellness, right? So foster wellness, what does that mean? Focus on your body, focus on giving your body what it needs to manage stress. And so really that's, you know, there's a legitimate reason why people talk about nutrition and exercise and meditation. It's really, in order to build resilience, we have to take care of our bodies through other ways too. And that comes from exercise, sleep; sleep is just as important. And so, yes, that's another piece how you can do that. Mindful journaling, meditation, yoga, or pray, right? That can be another way to foster wellness. 

MS: 

And so third find purpose. Find purpose and/or help others, because helping others really does give us a sense of fulfillment and it can give us really a sense of pride in ourselves. And so helping others is really a good way to foster self worth. But the other part of that is find purpose. So yeah, find purpose in helping others, but find purpose for yourself. Something that you truly find fulfillment in. 

MS: 

A fourth one can be, be proactive, right? What that basically means is acknowledge and accept. Whether that is your situation. Whether that is your current feelings, that's okay. Acknowledge 'em, accept 'em. And certainly be proactive in working to find a way to improve not only those feelings, but the situation that you might be in, which also then helps build resilience. 

New Speaker: 

Another one move towards your goals, right? We always hear people talk about goals, especially with it being towards the new year. But really not only is it important to move towards your goals and be thoughtful about what those goals are and choices that we make along that path. So that's important. Embrace healthy thoughts. 

TU: 

All right. I wanna say you're listening to Mind Your Mind. Our guest is Dr. Megan Spencer, and we are talking about building resilience in 10 steps, and I believe we're either five or six into those 10 steps, right? 

MS: 

You got it. So yes. Embrace healthy thoughts. That was number six. What that means is thinking traps, don't get stuck in those. Thinking traps are those black and white thinking, catastrophic thinking, right? Thinking about the worst possible outcomes. So really focus on your thoughts and what's happening. 

MS: 

Accept, change, right. We all know how important it is to accept change. And with that, focusing on the aspects of change that you can have some control over, letting go of some things that we have no control over. 

MS: 

Number eight, maintain a hopeful outlook. So again, that positive; again, it's not pretending everything is rainbows and butterflies, but truly finding the hope, finding meaning. Look past that initial stressor. 

MS: 

Two left! Number nine: learn from your past, right? We don't wanna focus on our past, but we certainly can take a look back and learn from things that we really did well and things that we maybe didn't do so well. 

MS: 

And last seek help. Always. If you're finding that you've taken some of these steps, you really feel like you're still struggling with that particular stressor or a chain of stressors that kind of keep coming back, get help. Whether that be a friend, a parent, a mental health professional, your primary care, a religious person, really truly reaching out is seeking help. 

TU: 

Right. Don't be so prideful. Ask for help. That's I think that of all the 10, I think that was for me, the biggest one is to ask for help. Don't don't think you can conquer it on your own You know, sometimes we bounce back pretty quickly on our own, but maybe it was something really traumatic in our life, so ask for help. 

MS: 

Absolutely. 

TU: 

Well, thank you so much for listening to Mind Your Mind. Our guest has been Dr. Megan Spencer, and before we wrap up, we always have that one last question. And what do you do, Dr. Spencer, personally, to mind your mind? 

MS: 

So for me, it's my family, honestly. It's watching my two little girls grow up and figure out the wonders of the world and be excited about things that I forgot to be excited about. So really right now, it's my family and watching my girls grow. 

TU: 

All right. Number 11 could be look at the world through our kids' eyes. 

MS: 

Oh, I love it. Absolutely. 

TU: 

Yes. Well, thank you so much. We appreciate you. Appreciate your time and your talents. 

MS: 

Thank you. 

TU: 

Thank you for joining us for Mind Your Mind, a podcast presented by Dakota Family Services. You can't have health without behavioral health. Remember to mind your mind. For more information, links to additional resources, contact information, and much more, go to dakotafamilyservices.org. 

Other Podcast Episodes