Christy Wilkie provides therapy for children and adolescents, ages 5-25, who have complex behavioral health issues. She combines her extensive clinical expertise with a belief in kids, and has a unique ability to find and develop their strengths. She works hard to be an ideal therapist for her clients, doing what is best to fit their needs.
Lucas Mitzel provides therapy for children, adolescents, and adults, ages 5 - 30. He believes building relationships with clients is the most important piece of successful therapy. He loves what he does because it allows him to walk next to people he would never have met had he chosen a different profession, as they work to make amazing life changes. He has the honor of meeting people at their worst, all while watching them grow into the people they’ve always wanted to be.
Featuring Christy Wilkie, LCSW, and Lucas Mitzel, LCSW, Dakota Family Services
Announcer:
This episode of, is It Just Me, is brought to you by Dakota Family Services, your trusted partner in mental and behavioral health, whether you need in-person or virtual care, the team of professionals at Dakota Family Services is dedicated to supporting children, adolescents, and adults in their journey to better mental health.
Christy:
Disrupting life patterns and life routines that aren't serving you.
Lucas:
It's how we feel that keeps us going.
Christy:
You can be a masterpiece in a work of art all at the same time.
Lucas:
Hey everyone, I'm Lucas.
Christy:
Ans I'm Christy.
Lucas:
And you're listening to the Is It Just Me podcast.
Christy:
Where we aim to provide education, decrease the stigma, and expel some myths around mental health.
Lucas:
Christy, is it just me or does everybody seem to be talking about ADHD lately?
Christy:
It is not just you, it is a hot topic.
Lucas:
Why do you think that is?
Christy:
Well, my experience currently is that TikTok has gotten a lot of people more aware of maybe some symptomology that they just didn't really think of as being a symptom. And they're like, I do that. I do that. Oh my gosh, I must have ADHD. And sometimes it's good and bad, right? Like sometimes you do, but sometimes you don't.
Lucas:
ADHD talk is huge right now. And I think it's one of the main subjects that often gets brought into my office of people. Like, I watched a TikTok, I think I have ADHD, what do you think? Yep. And then we explore that.
Christy:
It is something not at all that way.
Lucas:
Way. Well, so I, I think that there's a lot of misinformation when it comes to ADHD. There's a lot of really good information that people are really well aware of. One thing that I think deserves some clarification that I often see is the confusion between ADD and ADHD. Yes. because it used to be delineated between those two diagnoses, and now it's just kind of smashed into one big diagnosis with different specifiers. And that's clinical talk for things that really don't matter.
Christy:
Well, they, they matter. But,
Lucas:
So ADHD is what's considered a neurodevelopmental disorder. And that's where a person is essentially born with this because their brain just developed differently. And there's a bunch of different types of neurodevelopmental disorders such as autism. is another one. But, so this usually happens when you're born and you, you see it when they're really young. However, some people can go undiagnosed for quite a while. We'll talk about that a little bit later.
Christy:
It doesn't mean it wasn't always there. It just means you didn't know about it.
Lucas:
Exactly. And so sometimes it can seem like it just appeared outta nowhere, but that might be because they had skills to manage it. And so it was more hidden. And then once the stressors, environmental stressors supersede the skill level, you start to notice it a little bit more. Another thing about is that your ADHD can kind of like ebb and flow throughout the day. It's not just like this constant level of hyperactivity or inattentiveness. It's, it can, I will often say like my ADHD's on fire when it's like a bad, a rough day. And
Christy:
It is. I mean, you can, I can tell that.
Lucas:
Right? Like currently it, it is. I'm trying currently.
Christy:
Currently Lucas is having a day It is,
Lucas:
It's been a, it's something guys, but we're making it through.
Christy:
We are, we're gonna do it. What a, what a better day to do a podcast than when you're ADHD is just like
Lucas:
Talking about ADHD, a really big component of ADHD specifically is that the brain has a lack of dopamine. And what is dopamine? Christy?
Christy:
Dopamine is the stuff that makes you feel good. It's the stuff that makes you enjoy things. It's like, it's a feel good chemical. We talked about, I think in our last podcast we talked about dopamine chasing. Which is very much that, and I think that's something that people with ADHD who are unmedicated will frequently do. Not that you have any experience
Lucas:
With that. I know nothing about that
Christy:
, but they do. 'cause You're, you're, you're trying to make up for the, for the loss of that chemical in your brain by doing things that organically create that. But that often will cause you to do some behaviors sometimes that aren't super helpful. Or healthy.
Lucas:
Yes. , stop looking at me like that .
Christy:
I'm not looking at you like anything.
Lucas:
So a lot of times people with ADHD, we'll start going into the symptoms here. They'll do something called hyper fixation. And people with ADHD will often have these hobbies that they will super focus on, and they'll be all in 100% of the time. And they, that's like all they can talk about. And then all of a sudden out of nowhere, it just stops. And they're not interested in it. And maybe they dumped a ton of money in it, or they just collected a bunch of things and then all of a sudden it just sits there for months. Mm-Hmm And they're onto something new. There's always something new because they're chasing that dopamine.
Christy:
And I think that often comes across as, 'cause we hear this all the time Where it's like, well, I can't have a ADHD because I could, I can play video games for eight hours a day. Or I can go do a puzzle for hours at a time. And that has, I have no problem doing that. And so I think, and the hyper fixation, I think, falls into that too, where it, it can appear that you're just really focusing on something. So if you have the ability to focus on something, that, that must mean that you don't have ADHD. And that's just not the case.
Lucas:
No. Because if you put yourself in a non-preferred activity, I'm guessing it's a lot more difficult to pay attention. Perhaps you're doodling on a notepad or you're fidgeting with your hands, or you're tapping a pencil or making noises with your mouth or having to like get up constantly. That's what happens.
Christy:
So a lot of people, I mean kids in particular because most adults like aren't in school anymore. But reading tends to be really, really difficult for kids with ADHD because it does require a sustained effort. And so a lot of times kids will just think that they're bad readers and that they're terrible at English when really it's just, it takes a lot if they're not, 'cause we're often told to read books that we're not interested in too when we're in school. And so it's like getting through war and peace is probably a struggle. But like reading something like Harry Potter or whatever somebody's interested in, they can sit and read something for a long time that they're interested in. But you kind of get this false idea that you're bad at something just because it requires sustained intent, which just isn't true. Your brain just is lacking what it needs to do to do that thing that everybody else's brain just does.
Lucas:
And how this can look, speaking for myself specifically, is I can read a paragraph and not know anything that was in that paragraph. Then I have to keep rereading it, maybe like three or four times because I keep getting distracted or my brain starts thinking about something else. And it is one of the most frustrating things ever, especially when you're trying to like study or You really want to do well on this reading assignment and you just can't, or you really do just wanna read whatever this thing is because you need to for work or whatever, and you just, you can't get through it. And it takes so much longer to get it done.
Christy:
The same I think happens with people when they're binging shows. Like if you're on Netflix and you're watching and all of a sudden you're like, I have no idea what just happened in the last five minutes of this show. I mean, it was on, and you were probably looking at it and watching it, but it just was not going in. And you're like, oh, crap. I have to go back and rewind it over and over and over. Yep. That is typically is a sign that maybe there's a, there's a focus and attention issue.
Lucas:
So there's three types of ADHD presentations. The first one is inattentive type, second one is hyperactive. And then the third one is combined. Yes. Which is you have both of them and they're having a party. And so they just smashed it all together. Now it's just ADHD inattentive type or hyperactive type or combined type. I personally have more of the inattentive type. And people with ADHD can have symptoms of both and not fully fall into that. So you might have some mixture there, but I think it would be beneficial to go through some of the symptoms that we see quite often and how, what that might look like for people. So for both kids and adults Because they do look different.
Christy:
They look, they look very different. And for a long time they really thought that it was a, like a child and adolescent problem. And people weren't looking at adults. They're like, adults can figure it out. And it's like, no. And, and I think that our generation is doing a really great job of bringing some attention to the fact that attention to the fact that's funny.
Lucas:
Oh, that was good.
Christy:
Unintentional. That maybe that there were struggles this whole time and that life could have been a little bit easier if we just would've known what it was.
Lucas:
We don't have to do life on hard mode, guys.
Christy:
No, no. Easy mode, please.
Lucas:
Always.
Christy:
Or easier.
Lucas:
Easier mode. That'd be nice. So the first one we're gonna start with inattention is often fails to give close attention to details or makes careless mistakes. When I am typing something or writing down stuff, I will accidentally misspell words or I'm just going too fast and I like miss a whole letter, or miss a word, or I get things all mixed up maybe. Or I will, as I'm talking, I might like say the wrong thing or like jumble up my words and it feels really dumb. when you do it. And it's very easy to judge yourself. And I see kids doing this all the time where they're like, I know the answer. And if they just slow down, it would be really easy. Or even just playing a game. Like playing Jenga. They know what the right move was to do, but they were just too fast. And then they made a, a mistake. And they're like so frustrated that they did that because after they do it, they're like, oh, I could have, I knew what to do and I didn't do it.
Christy:
Well, and I think it's important to, to note how you feel when you make mistakes like that. Because I think especially in children, 'cause you're a grown adult-ish kind of sorta, I mean, age-wise,
Lucas:
I'm cosplaying as one.
Christy:
Exactly. Look at you. I'm so proud of you.
Lucas:
You can Google what cosplay is later, guys.
Christy:
That's a whole other issue that you probably do. Do you cosplay?
Lucas:
I don't.
Christy:
That was okay. That would've been a really good rabbit hole for an ADHD conversation. That would've been any who did. But, when you think about, and I mean Lucas is obviously aware that he has ADHD too, so he's an aware person that he has it and he knows that he is making mistakes and he still feels like an idiot every time he does something. That is a mistake. Now think about if you're a child or you're an adult who doesn't understand that that's what you have. And when people do something wrong, what do people do? They correct it. Or they think that there's a learning disability, or they think that you're just hustling or that you're, you're being careless or lazy or whatever. And it's like those people are so hard on themselves when they make a a mistake that to just be aware that coming down on somebody for making a careless mistake like that is just, that's, it's not helpful.
Lucas:
Another thing that can happen, and this kind of mixes with some of the other symptoms as well, but people with ADHD are very impulsive. And so they might impulsively say something that isn't true or a mistake, and then they get called a liar. And get in a lot of trouble for that, when really it was just an ADHD thing. It was just a mistake. And if we allow, we have to allow them to, to recover from those things. Yes. Without judgment,
Christy:
Without judgment is the key there. Impulsivity in general can look like it's something very different. And we often label it something different.
Lucas:
Another one that gets people really upset or at least annoyed, is that people with ADHD will often seem like they're not listening when they're being spoken directly to kids do this. I've done it to people and I am listening, but it definitely does not look like I am And it maybe that's because I'm fidgeting, or like if I'm watching a show, I might have something going on on my phone at the same time, but I'm totally paying attention. It's allowing me to pay attention.
Christy:
I've had full on conversations with you when your face has been in your phone. Absolutely. But I know that you're listening to me because every word I say is important to you.
Lucas:
Every single, I hang on to every word.
Christy:
But, but, but we know that, I know that about you and I know that about and you're always like, I'm listening. Just so you know. I'm like, I don't care what you do. The more busy you are, the more I know that you're trying to focus on what I have to say. So that's fine. But I think it, it is just a misconception that if they're, if they're doing something else, that they're not paying attention, or I get this a lot in my office where kids will come in and I've got, my office is an ADHD, either nightmare or dream. I don't really know.
Lucas:
It really depends, but there's
Christy:
A lot going on in there is what I'm saying. And so I'll have kids come in and they automatically start fidgeting with something and the parents will be like, no, you have to listen. You have to listen to, to what Christy's saying. And I was like, they're listening better when they're doing something than if you're gonna sit there and make them listen to me. Like, I don't have any problem with them doing that because that's what they're doing in order to engage with me, even though it doesn't look like it.
Lucas:
I'll often, like, I've a huge bucket of Legos in my office, and that's one of the things that a lot of times kids are drawn to. And I will just ask like, can you hear what I'm saying? And they're like, yep, we're good. I'm like, cool. So, I mean, I don't care what you're doing as long as you can hear what I'm saying. So just double checking that. Let's not just assume that they can't, but it is, it drives parents nuts.
Christy:
It does. But I mean, there's been studies conducted where they'll take like a group of kids and make them like sit and listen to what, in, in the way that we traditionally think that kids should sit and listen and then, then another group of kids that are just able to play and do whatever, and they're presented the same information. And the, and the kids that are able to play when they're, get the information have better recall. And they have, they do better on like the testing of the information that they're provided, trying to get a kid with ADHD to sit still, then they're, that's all they're focusing on is sitting still and they can't focus on anything else. But sitting still.
Lucas:
And it is really hard to sit still when you have ADHD So another thing people struggle with is that they struggle to follow through with instructions or finishing things.
Christy:
Oh my Gosh. This drives people nuts.
Lucas:
It drives me nuts. For myself. So I will, some people listening to this could probably relate, but I will start on, let's say, doing the laundry and five minutes into doing the laundry, I'm doing the dishes. What? I don't know how I got here, but here we are. Just something clicked in my brain and we had to, now we're doing dishes. Did the laundry get done? No. It's like half done. and the reason this happens is that when you are born, when your brain is developing and you have ADHD, you don't have enough white matter in your brain. And white matter is essentially the lubricant between all the neurons that allows for an electrical impulse to travel smoothly.
Christy:
Ah. there's, there's the nerdiness that I was looking for. It always comes. I know. I was just, was waiting for you to drop it.
Lucas:
So if we don't have enough white matter and we don't have that lubricant between the neurons, what can happen is that an impulse can get caught on another neuron and it'll get, it'll fire down something else. And you find yourself doing that thing. A really funny example that I love to share with my clients is pre medications and treatment for this, I would be doing a note for work. And all of a sudden, I, I don't even remember it happening. I find myself in the hallway. I don't know what I'm doing in the hallway. And I turn around to go to my note and I'm literally mid-sentence, and I don't know what happened. I don't know how I got here. It was like, I teleported, but I don't know what's going on. And so then I go back and I'm like, why did I get up? Like there's not even a period. It's like mid thought. And I'm walking down the hallway empty-handed nowhere to go. I just got up and I moved.
Christy:
I have seen you on a number of occasions be like, oh, I gotta go finish that note. Oh, I gotta go finish that note in the middle of a conversation that we're having. I'm like, okay. Okay. whatever. Whatever you gotta do, bro.
Lucas:
It just fired.
Christy:
And it just, it just, it just went. And then I'll see you and let you get your note done. You're like, oh my note. I gotta do that thing.
Lucas:
There's been many times where I've like been mid-conversation and I'll just leave because something fired in my brain. And then I'm like, walk halfway walking. I'm like, well, I can't turn around now. Because that's even more awkward.
Christy:
Well, and so that I, to that point, I talk to a lot of people because with ADHD, multi-tiered instructions are very, very difficult. Very difficult. So you can't be like, I'm gonna clean my go clean your room and put your clothes away and clean your bathroom. Like no. You have to be like, Hey, will you go get that one pair of shoes and bring them down here? Okay. Next thing. Like, because giving anybody a whole bunch of things to do at one time is nearly impossible. We talk about that with school too, with kids that have ADHD instead of giving them a whole worksheet full of things to do, and like a syllabus that has because their brain shuts off. It's like, that's too, that is too many things. Give them one thing at a time.
Lucas:
Yes.
Christy:
And let them experience mastery with the one thing and then move on to the next thing. Yep. Otherwise it's just,
Lucas:
And you have to, there's a balance here because you can't give them multiple steps, but then you also have to kind of break it down. Mm-Hmm. Because they're going to get distracted. Or what happens is, I feel like everybody who has ADHD has the exact same thought process. But if it seems or feels like it's going to take a long time, the brain's like, no, we're not doing this today. Yes. And or they say, I'll just do it later. And then they forget. And this is because we with people with ADHD will avoid or are or dislike activities that require anything that's sustained mental effort. do we know how long it is going to, like, what the threshold is? No. If it just feels like it's gonna take a while, I don't wanna do it.
Christy:
But You also don't have a really great concept of time. I say, I say you as I'm just talking to you, but people with ADHD don't have a great concept of time. I had a, I had a kid who needed to do end of the year stuff. And so that one week there seems like there's a lot of things going on. And so he's just, I was like, well, how long do you think it's gonna take you to do this? Like, literally write a paragraph. He goes, three hours. I'm like, why is it gonna write you? Because in his head he's like that. That's how hard it is to me. This is a three hour long problem. It's three hours long hard.
Lucas:
Three hours long, hard.
Christy:
So he was like, I'm like, oh buddy. No. Let's like, let's break that down. Like it's not gonna take you three hours. And in his head though, he was very committed to the bit.
Lucas:
I've just to prove a point to people who were maybe in a little bit of a denial that they had ADHD. I've asked them that question of like, how long do you think we've been in the office together? And they're like, like three minutes. I'm like, it's been 20.
Christy:
Time blindness.
Lucas:
Which leads to a lot of issues for people, like people are late to things with who have ADHD. They will often take on more tasks than they maybe should because, because they think they have enough time to do it. Kids will get really upset when they're told to get off of a preferred activity because you told them they have 20 minutes and to them that's a million years. So, and now that it's ending, that was too soon.
Christy:
And you lied to them.
Lucas:
And you lied to them, even though it's all accurate. So it's just, it's really hard when your brain is distracted by everything or hyper fixated or focused on something to manage time. It's just this abstract concept that doesn't make any sense.
Christy:
It will make people in your life feel like you're not a priority if you're late to showing up to something, or you, let's say you're going on a date and all of a sudden you weren't supposed to be there at seven and you can't get there till seven 20. I mean, already made a terrible first impression. And it makes you feel, it makes the other person feel like their time, like you don't care about their time. Do you not care that my life is impacted by how slow you go And it feels very personal and it's just not
Lucas:
Other things that they struggle with just briefly. We could talk about there's a lot of symptoms of ADHD Disorganization, forgetting things. Obviously easily distracted. We've talked about that a bunch. But losing things, I don't know if I said that. I might have just forgot that I said that.
Christy:
Well, forgetting things and losing things are a big one. because that's, that's also something that people will get mad at people for. It's like you are always forgetting your hockey bag. You are always, we are on your seventh baseball glove. Can you not keep your shoes in your bag? Like, what is wrong with you? That you cannot put everything together in one place and walk out of the locker room with all of your stuff? That is so common. Or their keys.
Lucas:
Oh my gosh, my keys.
Christy:
We have a colleague that loses their keys all of the time. Yes. Bless her heart. But man, and you know where she found them last time? In her desk.
Lucas:
Oh my gosh.
Christy:
She thought she'd lost them for a week.
Lucas:
They were gone for a week.
Christy:
Well, I think it was about that. That's impressive. Doug is shaking his head because he was a part of this because they had to let her into her office every day. That's amazing. And she was like, they're literally in her office. I love that. In her desk.
Lucas:
Oh my goodness. I have to put my keys in a very specific location or else I do not know where they went. And my three-year-old loves to play little tricks on me and take my keys. So I have to put them in a spot where he cannot reach them. And he's huge, by the way. So Yes. There's not very many places I can put it. Same thing though. If I don't put it in that exact same spot, I have no idea where went.
Christy:
And it's frustrating to people who don't understand that you aren't trying to be an idiot. You just, it, your brain literally does not work like that.
Lucas:
Moving on to the hyperactivity aspect, and this is probably the more well-known symptoms. It's just, it's more in your face.
Christy:
It's what you commonly think of when you think of ADHD.
Lucas:
This is where we have the hyperactivity part. So they're fidgeting or tapping their hands or squirming. They get up in situations. They're supposed to be seated. They might run around or climb on things where it's inappropriate and it just, it's almost humorous to watch if you're not, if you can make yourself not frustrated by it. Because they don't even know what they're doing.
Christy:
No. It's a, I I've always heard it say like, when they, when it looks like, when it feels like they're driven by a motor. Which that they're going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going up, down, up, down, left All the way. Oh my gosh. Like bouncing off the walls. I mean, and I think that those are the kids that are more commonly, it's easier to diagnose when they have the hyperactive symptoms because it's like, it's just so in your face. And, and those kids can also be aggressive verbally and physically. Those are huge things where, you know, they're, a lot of times people just be like, well, that's just a bad kid. Which I don't believe that there are any bad kids.
Lucas:
Nope.
Christy:
But I think that's a common thought is like, ugh, they're just trouble. That kid is just trouble. They're not No. His brain needs help. Help!
Lucas:
It's kind of dopamine deficiency.
Christy:
Give him what it needs.
Lucas:
They just, they often get in trouble more often in school. Right? And so with inattentive type, like it's more internal, and so you can't really see what's going on in the brain. Like They're distracted, but they, a lot of people can fake that. If I just stare off into space in the general direction of a teacher, they're not gonna know that I'm not paying attention. I'm not, I have no experience doing that, by the way, but somebody with more of the hyperactive aspect is going to blurt out answers, is going to insert themselves in conversations that they shouldn't be doing, is going to be getting up out of their seat when they're supposed to be sitting seating sitting down.
Christy:
Stop making stupid mistakes Lucas
Lucas:
So it's just, it's a lot easier to diagnose that part of it. And it often is the one that gets people in more trouble. Older kids or even adults might even accidentally get into legal trouble. because of the things they might do, they might impulsively put something in their pocket and then forget about it. And then now they shoplifted.
Christy:
For example,
Lucas:
For example, or might find themselves speeding when they didn't mean to speed or saying something inappropriate in a conversation that just impulsively came to their head 'cause they don't have a filter. It's just, it's more in your face. It's a lot easier to see.
Christy:
Which is why the, the, the inattentive type can go a very long time without being noticed. Because we didn't even talk about procrastination, I don't think. But procrastination is huge in the inattentive type. And, but they'll, they'll get it done. And I think females more often have the inattentive type. And they also are, they tend to be more, they color in the lines more like they know that they have to be good. They can't be loud, they can't, I mean, just societally speaking, those messages are given to girls very differently than they're given to boys. And so they can keep it together. Like they can hold it together all through school. They can perform well in school, but it is taking them so much work and effort and they can procrastinate something to the last minute and put it off and they can, and then they hyperfocus on it. And they get it done and they hand it in and it's perfect. It's great. It's super well done. So nobody ever notices that there's ever a learning problem because they're getting everything done and they're not, they're not a behavior problem in class. And so it's like, oh, if there's no behavior, then it's fine. They're fine, everything's fine. But it's not fine.
Lucas:
It's not. And like you said, nobody knows that this is going on because in school things are just getting turned in on time. Parents might know about it because they're staying up until 3:00 AM helping them do their homework. Or if they're a teenager, maybe they're not getting enough sleep that way. But It is really hard to diagnose the inattentive aspect until you are talking about things, and especially when it's ADHD and anxiety. That can be really difficult too, because they mirror very similarly. There's a concentration issue when it comes to anxiety. Yep. And when you're, a lot of times, especially the girls that I see who are anxious perfectionists with the ADHD, it goes super unnoticed because they're, like you said, they're coloring in the lines, they're getting everything done. But, and then they have that concentration problem that people just explain away with anxiety, except the anxiety medication and the treatment for anxiety not helping.
Christy:
I think it, the other thing that I've seen quite a bit is with really smart people, and not even really smart, but like decently smart people, kids can go through high school and it's not ever really challenging enough for all of these symptoms to kind of flourish where you can see them. You know, there's, I mean, if you know that that's what it is, you can pick apart, like going back retrospectively, you're like, oh, I did that. That was probably, that was probably an attention thing. Or that was, I wasn't supposed to be losing stuff all the time. But then they get into college and it's, there's more demand on their brain, there's more stress, there's more whatever. And then they figure out, it's like, why can I not do this work that always came easily to me. It's like, well, you were able to cope and figure out skills to do that when you were, when there wasn't like a huge stressor. You put a stressor on it or you put more demand on your brain and it's like, ah. It's just like haywire. It's haywire.
Lucas:
And for people who are really high performing, a lot of times they can develop coping skills to kind of mask their symptoms. And I have a lot of parents that might come in whose who they experience a lot of the same symptoms their kids did, but they just figured it out in air quotes. And so why do they need, why can't they just figure it out? Well, number one, everybody's different. So just because you had similar symptoms doesn't mean it's the same. But number two, like what if you didn't have to figure it out? What if we could have just made it better with some medicine? Or figuring out just a little bit of different skills to make it just a little bit easier.
Christy:
Well and people don't realize sometimes either the, the impact that, that having untreated ADHD has on a child specifically because their brain is still developing. You have kids with ADHD they're told, stop, don't quit it. You're bad. All I mean, all of those messages. And so that if you don't treat the ADHD, they start getting these messages that they're, that they're bad. That they, because most of the time kids want adults to like them. They don't want to not be liked. And so when they're doing all these things and they're really wanting to please a teacher or please a parent, or please a who, whatever. And they literally can't do it, they start to feel like, why can't I do this thing that everybody else is doing? And that sends so many negative messages about who they are as a person, because they're like, I why am I so bad? And then that can lead to anxiety and depression because it's like, I'm gonna go to school and I'm gonna mess up today. I know it, I know I'm gonna, I know I'm gonna make somebody mad today. I know I'm gonna, I know I'm gonna make my mom mad 'cause I I'm not gonna be able to do the thing that she wants me to do. And that has such a huge impact on self-esteem on mental health. So you have to be really careful about that too.
Lucas:
And eventually they just stop trying. Because it's, they just feel like they, there's no other choice. And when you, it's frustrating for a lot of providers and parents, teachers, whatever, when they talk to kids like, who are struggling with ADHD that's unmedicated or untreated that, 'cause they'll ask, well, why did you do that? And their answer is always, I don't know. And it's true. They don't know why they did that.
Christy:
It seems so defiant.
Lucas:
It's not, I don't know why I got off my computer and walked down the hallway. I just did. So it's just impulsive and there's no reason behind it. I think when we talk about impulsivity, I often like to think of a, that we're all born with like these filters, right? So we all have these thoughts, ideas, these things that we maybe wanna say these urges. And a normal brain has a pretty good filter that stops some of those things from going out or like checks it before it leaves the brain And comes out of your mouth. Or is like your hands or feet or whatever. People with ADHD don't have that. It's, in some cases it seems like it's just gone. And in other places it's just a bigger strainer. So like more things can kind of just like come out. I know that when I am unmedicated, like if I forgot my meds one day which nobody wants that by the way. No. I, I can get myself in trouble sometimes. Or I'll say things and Christy's like, you need nope, stop talking, stop talking right now.
Christy:
This is a no-mad day in this.
Lucas:
Yeah, no, you just need to be quiet.
Christy:
We gotta use your skills today, boy,
Lucas:
Christy:
Or keep your mouth shut
Lucas:
And it's, I'll say something, I'll be like, I can see it leave my mouth. And I'm like trying to take it back immediately as it as it leaves. But I don't have necessarily a reason that I said it, it just kind of came out. And I think that we need to be really patient with, especially kids, but ourselves and other adults who we know maybe are struggling with this because it's not their fault. If they could choose to just not have these issues. they would've done it. 'cause Nobody wants to get in trouble. Nobody wants to do bad. No.
Christy:
But it, like you said, it's sometimes it's just easier to, to give up. And I say this a million times to people where it's like, sometimes it's easier to not try and fail than it's to try really hard and still fail. And so people just be like, I, I keep trying. I keep trying, I keep trying, but then I keep failing doing all these things. So then it's like I'm gonna convince myself that I don't care because it's embarrassing.
Lucas:
It can be super embarrassing. Especially when you don't understand what's going on. Even when I do understand what's going on and I can tell that my ADHD like impacted something or made I get embarrassed. By that. Like if I said something that I wouldn't have liked to say or said it in a way I didn't want say like, I feel really bad about that. Even though I know I understand it and I know that what happened or whatever. So to not understand it and have those experiences is really, really hard. Especially when you're getting in trouble for it from teachers or from other family members or it's harming relationships, that sort of a thing.
Christy:
So we talk about like ADHD and anxiety kind of mirroring each other. We kind of put a foot in there. What does that mean to you? Because for a long time, I'm, this is just the Lucas show today, but like for a long time you just thought you were really, really anxious. And I'm not saying that you're not anxious, but
Lucas:
I definitely am.
Christy:
That is the thing. But, but, but ADHD figuring out that that was in that was maybe contributing to the anxiety was kind of a game changer for you.
Lucas:
It was huge. I realized that my thoughts were running really, really fast and I was having, they were just really fast thoughts with an anxious theme. And I noticed that as I was learning more and more about ADHD and diagnosing people with it. And talking to a bunch of people who have ADHD, I'm like you're describing me. This is why therapists also need therapistsBecause we're not, we not as necessarily insightful towards our own stuff.
Christy:
Not at all.
Lucas:
Actually, it's way easier to help other people than it is to help ourselves. But yeah, when I started noticing that, like I was getting up and walking out randomly or I was like, man, I go, I have to like go and get a drink of water. Really? Like a lot. Or one thing I noticed is that when I drink coffee or I have caffeine, I don't get hyper. I get tired. And for people who don't know, one of the primary treatments for ADHD is a stimulant, which seems very backwards because we're taking somebody who's hyperactive and giving them something that's gonna make them hyperactive. But in very, like, in layman's terms, what it kind of does is it makes the brain go too hyper. And then, like I call it an emergency break gets pulled and then it calms 'em down. I'm sure if our psychiatrist is reading is listening to this, he's gonna be like, oh my gosh, that was not how it actually works. But I'm sorry Dr. Martinsen.
Christy:
But I talk a lot about, you know, I wish you could see my hands, but a normal brain functions at like a normal, like a normal stimulate rate. And people with ADHD are below that. And so what they're doing is they're trying to get their brain up to where everybody else is functioning. And when their brain doesn't do that, naturally, they're using everything around them to get to this point. So they're like, the movement in the stimulation that you're, that they're creating is what's helping them get to the point where they're able to focus. And so that's when like all the movement and the hyperactivity and all the stuff that they do, it looks like they're being distracted, but that's what they're doing to stimulate their brain to get to the point where it can engage in anything.
Lucas:
Yes. And a lot of people will they present that differently? So I have, I have no like, research to back up this observation that I have so take it with a grain of salt here. But I've noticed that there's really like two different kinds of people who have ADHD when it comes to stimulation. There's people who seek it and there's people who avoid it. I'm an avoider. And so the way that that looks is that in a, in an environment where there's a bunch of stimulation, my brain explodes and I cannot do it. So like in a meeting, if I'm listening to somebody talk or in a classroom and there's a side conversation going on right next to me, my brain tries to listen to both at the exact same time. And I cannot do that. And so I just, I get very uncomfortable. Like physically. And I like have to, I wanna like get up and leave.
Christy:
Well, because I, I think it also makes you angry.
Lucas:
It does
Christy:
Irrationally. So like irrationally annoyed and angry where it's like, I need you to shut up I just need to focus on this one thing. But you're decently put together as a human.
Lucas:
That was the nicest thing you've ever said
Christy:
You know, don't get used to it. But like, if you don't have those skills, like how hard is it to not get angry? So you look at these kids that get super angry at school, or even if you're a person at work that just gets annoyed with people all of the time, it maybe isn't a stimulation thing.
Lucas:
You know? Absolutely. I know that when I'm like watching a TV show and my fiance talks to me while I'm watching this show, I can't, do I have to turn the show off? Or she has to stop talking 'cause I can't do both. And I will often like tune out 'cause the TV is typically on first. And then she starts talking about the show. And I am not able to do that so that my brain just shuts that part off. Or I'll try to listen and then I find myself getting very distracted by the TV. This is why I don't do well in like sports bars or something like that where there are TVs all over the place. 'cause I'm in the middle of a conversation. All of a sudden I'm watching like tennis, which I don't watch, but now I'm like really invested in tennis.
Christy:
But being for just always listen to the fiance. I mean, I would choose that first.
Lucas:
Oh absolutely.
Christy:
That's a good choice.
Lucas:
I try my best.
Christy:
I know you do. Yeah, I know
Lucas:
The other way though is where people are stimulation seeking. So they need all of that. They thrive in that environment. Because they're getting that. They need that stimulation to function. And so sometimes going back to my fiance, she also has ADHD, but the other type. So then I, my
Christy:
They're a delight together.
Lucas:
It’s great. And so I like, I've come home and it's been, there's like music blasting a TV going and she's like singing and there's all sorts of stuff going on. And maybe there's like a mess that she, 'cause she started doing something and is doing something else now. And I, I walk in and I'm just like, I'm, I can't do this But it helps her get stuff done that way. So you just gotta know what's best for, you know, what's best for your kid or your partner or whatever. And, and just help them and just be understanding that this isn't this, this isn't their fault. They're trying to function because their brain just can't handle it any other way.
Christy:
I think a very common thing that people experience is with, if you are a person who, and you're driving in your car and you have the music on, and then you have to do something else, like you have to follow the directions or you have to like make a turn and they're like, I have to turn the music down. It's like, why? Why?
Lucas:
That’s me.
Christy:
Why do you have to? But so many people do that and it's like, I can't, I can't drive and listen to music at the same time.
Lucas:
I need my hands.
Christy:
That's because your hands are attached to your ears. I don't know. But that, I think that is a, maybe a telltale sign that there is also an attention issue.
Lucas:
Absolutely. There very well could be. So there's a lot of different diagnoses that can kind of simulate or look like ADHD or ADHD can look like something else, which is why it's important to come and get assessed. And that could just be talking to a therapist. But also psych testing can rule out whether or not you have ADHD. And I think there's a lot, a lot of doctors will recommend psych testing because it is a, it is a stimulant. It's a controlled substance that they would use to medicate that or treat that. You don't have to go a medication route, by the way, if you don't want to. Although that is definitely easier. and you're gonna see fast results with that. But a lot of people don't want to and that's totally fine. You can, there are skills that you can do to manage, manage this as well. One really good one is reminders because we forget. And so setting alarms on your phone or for your kids and making sure that they're aware as to like what time, like in the morning, I have an alarm at seven just to tell me that it's seven .
Lucas:
That's not a joke. I wake up at six, I have an alarm at seven. It's just let me know, Hey, it's seven o'clock and then I have another alarm to tell me it's time to take medicine. And then I go on with my day. But if I don't have that, I am a disaster.
Christy:
I do think it's important too to either audio, like audio reminders or visual reminders. I mean, the reminders kind of gotta slap you in the face.
Lucas:
They do. They have to be loud.
Christy:
I mean, they have to be loud and you have to be able to see them, especially with, with kids. Otherwise that's just because like we talk about timers is another one. Like, because time blindness is a real thing. I was talking to another colleague and he was like, I could play video games for 13 hours and have no idea that that 13 hours have passed. And so, and like we talked about before, 30 minutes to somebody with ADHD does not feel the same as 30 minutes to somebody without ADHD. And so you need a visual timer to like show like, so they can see the countdown to, to where it is. And audio reminders say, okay, you got five minutes. Oh you got 10 minutes. And it might feel like you are being overbearing, but that is usually not the case. Like they need the reminders.
Lucas:
They really do. And giving people those progressive reminders are super helpful, especially kids. But if you're an adult listening to this and you're like, oh my gosh, you're describing me to a T. Do it for yourself too.
Lucas:
Absolutely. I do, as I just described, it's great. But if you tell a kid like, they only have 20 minutes for a video game or an hour or something like that, they need reminders that it's almost ending. And if you suddenly tell somebody to get off of a video game who maybe struggles with some dysregulation, you're just asking for a fight. So allow them some time to transition out of that. And the best way to do that is with some of those reminders. Just checking in. We also do this thing where we will just respond to people because that's the socially appropriate thing. So make sure that if we're working with like parent child right now that they look at you quick, make sure that we understand, ask them what you just said. Yep. Make sure that they, it clicked. I can't tell you how many times I've agreed to something and I have no idea what I agreed with because that's a socially acceptable response.
Christy:
So yeah, I would say that the, the hardest times that I've heard, especially with kids, but also with adults that I work with, with ADHD mornings and evenings, a morning routine to get out the door is always really difficult. And then the nighttime routine to get themselves to bed is also very difficult. They're just very difficult times. 'cause It's like when you wake up, there's a lot of things you have to do in the morning. You have to get up, you have to take a shower, you have to brush your teeth. You have to remember to put shampoo in your hair because sometimes people forget to do that. You have to, you know, there you have to put your shoes on. You have to pick an outfit. Oh my gosh. Picking an outfit alone sometimes for people with ADHD is like, so we always say let's pick out our clothes the night before. Because that's just, it's just better so you know what you're wearing the next day because there's so many options. Or if you're a parent to say, do you want this one or this one? Yes. And let's give them two options instead of a whole closet. Because that's way easier.
Lucas:
Make sure the options are ones that you are winning no matter what they pick.
Christy:
And then you have to get in the car and then you have to go to school. Which maybe is or isn't a preferred place for them to be. So I mean, if you're looking at, at an ADHD pain, just the stuff that I just said that is overwhelming, that is a lot of things to get done in a day. Getting their shoes on. I mean, I have had so many conversations with people getting shoes on or getting into the shower. Like, how can I get my kid into the shower because
Lucas:
The shower's gonna take too long and I have fun things that I wanna do. I know.
Christy:
And then, and then, and then once they get in the shower, they won't get out of the shower.
Lucas:
'Cause it feels good.
Christy:
Because it feels good. Oh my goodness. And they don't have a whole lot of control over that. And the same as with a nighttime routine. Because you have to, you have to get ready for bed and brush your teeth again and you know, whatever it is that you do. And then wind down and, and usually at night, typically speaking, is when people do the, the brunt of their preferred activities. You're winding down, you're watching tv, you're maybe have some screen time, you're doing a puzzle, you're doing, you're playing with your sibling, you're playing with your dog. Like all things that are technically stimulating. And then you're moving from a, from a preferred activity to going to sleep. Which sounds lame and boring. Nobody wants to do that. No. And so it's, and it's just, it's so hard. And so we, we talk about having a good sleep hygiene routine to go to bed and like I always say land your plane. Because it's like people in general. We all start and we gotta take off and our planes gotta go. And most people's planes kind of descend on their own. And it's just a, it's just, it's tougher with people with ADHD, like you have to help them co-regulate to get their plane to land safely. Yep. Instead of just like, keep going around the world, you gotta land.
Lucas:
And if, if you're medicated for your ADHD, this, you can even notice this even more because in the morning you're unmedicated. And it typically takes about an hour for the meds to kick in once you take them and then the school gets them if you’re a child or work gets you medicated. And then you come home and like maybe like seven or eight, it starts to go back down and now it's not in your system anymore because it only stays in there for less than a day. And depending on what type of med you take, so then the difference that you're going to see in your kid or your partner or yourself is much more drastic than maybe somebody who isn't medicated. Because that would just be all day then. But be patient with that as somebody who has ADHD and is medicated, I will tell you that sometimes that the coming off of the med at night can be uncomfortable especially if you are just starting out and you're getting used to that, there's something called a stimulant crash that occurs and it's where you get really tired. You might even have a little bit of a headache or just you just don't feel like you and you just, if as an adult it can be dysregulating. I can't imagine what it's like for like a little kid. That goes away as you get used to the medication just like a lot of side effects do with medications, but it's a new experience and so just be aware of that. Something else to be aware too is that people with ADHD struggle with insomnia, much higher rates than other people. And that might have something to do with our brains don't shut off.
Lucas:
So there's always something that we feel like we need to get done and we need to do it now and we just get distracted and we're thinking about a million things all at once. It's hard to sleep. We might wake up a bunch, be patient with yourself, talk to somebody and get some new ideas as to maybe how to fix that 'cause it can get better.
Christy:
But we do, I mean, as far as skills go, we, I mean, I think I say the word stop, think and choose a lot. 'cause It's quick. Kids can remember it and it's like, we just don't want them to, we need to give them just like, just even a three second buffer to just stop for the thing comes out of your mouth. Stop. Think, think about what you're doing and how it's gonna impact other people. And then make your choice based off of those two things. And I think the other thing too is like when you're working with somebody who is impulsive and they, this happens all the time and even like with lying, kids have ADHD and, and they tend to lie because someone says something to them and they just respond back without thinking. And so they're just trying to get out of trouble.
Or if they just, their response is curt or it's mean or it's in inappropriate, instead of saying that's inappropriate, just be like, do you wanna take a second and just think about that and then, and then answer it again. Give them a little grace. Because in order for them to learn impulse control, someone has to allow them to make the mistake and be like, okay, we gotta work on that. That was a time when maybe we gotta, you know, but to not always go straight to getting somebody in trouble when they do or say something that we don't, don't think they should do or say.
Lucas:
And a nice activity that I like to do with, with kids in my office, and you can do this at home too, if you have any kids that are struggling with ADHD, is to play a game where going fast is going to lead to more mistakes. Jenga for example, is a really is. But you could, with some kids, it's any game. But what you can do is you can have them slow down and explain why they're doing each step and they will, you're gonna see that they're improving in their game. And then really connect that improvement to the fact that they slowed down. And then if you want to be, have fun, put a timer on every turn. So like, you only get a second to make your turn or else you lose your turn. And watch how many mistakes are made and then connect those things.
Christy:
And I think the thing with, with games we use, we, we use a lot of games in therapy and there's, they're meant to generalize the skill into a different setting. So like, if you can learn how to do that with Jenga, you can learn how to do that with math. So like, if you slow down and you don't make, you learn to not make so many careless mistakes and then you get this positive reinforcement that you're, that the same thing that you get in Jenga. It's kind of, you can just take those and generalize them to whatever it is that, that you're struggling with or whatever area you're struggling with.
Lucas:
And positive reinforcement is huge for kids with ADHD, remember it's a dopamine deficiency. And so a positive reinforcement is like candy to them. And it doesn't have to be a toy, it doesn't have to be anything that costs money. Telling my kids that I see that have ADHD, if I just tell them I'm so proud of them and I give them a high five, they are over the moon. And they just respond so well to those things. Because typically what they hear is the no don't stop. Those things. So if we can really focus on that positive reinforcement when they are doing something well that's really helpful. we can also manufacture positive experiences. An example of this is if we're walking through a door and they open the door
Christy:
I was gonna say the, is the door open or are we like literally walking through the door?
Lucas:
We're gonna open the door Christy.
Christy:
Okay. Got it.
Lucas:
That was blurting. So the kid opens the door and had no intention of letting you through first, but you bolt through and then you turn around and say, thank you so much for holding that door for me. That shows a lot of responsibility and respect. you just created a success for them. And if we can do that in other situations, like, Hey, I need you to get ready for bed. And then they start moving, oh my gosh, thank you for listening right away. They may not have had any intention of doing that, but you just made that happen. And so now they're way more likely to actually go do it. There's a chance that it's not actually gonna work and they're impulsively gonna say no. And then we can deal with that. But this sort of style works really well with kids who have ADHD because it's feeding that dopamine deficiency that they have.
Christy:
And like you said, it depends, I mean, everything in mental health is on a spectrum. So there's, there are some ADHD that is very severe and then there's some that isn't as severe. So when we're talking about coping skills, I mean for most mental health stuff, the combination of medication with therapy is like chef's kiss. Yes. Like that's, that's just proven to be the most beneficial. Like we said, we know that some people are weary of putting their, their kids on medication or they don't wanna take them themselves because they either don't believe in it or they're worried about the side effects. And I would really encourage people to talk to their providers or talk to a therapist and kind of go through what that really looks like. Because there are also a, I mean the internet is a very big place like we talked about in our last podcast, right?
Christy:
And you can find information that supports, or that says that if you take medication for ADHD, that you're gonna grow seven ears. You know, like you can find, you can find that information on the internet and a lot of it is just not true. Yep. So to not get worried about reading one bad article, but go to an actual provider. There's a book that I've had parents recommend to me that's called ADHD 2.0. That apparently has a lot of great information in it and I've recommended it to other parents. And they have also, they've, they've felt that they've maybe understood the process and their child a little bit better by reading it. So I mean, just to kind of get all the information before you, like make knee jerk reaction. One article that is like, medication is evil.
Lucas:
You know, and there's nonstimulant options as well. There are,
Christy:
There's,
Lucas:
It just depends on what's best for you and your family. And just go ask questions. It doesn't hurt to ask the question. They can't force you to be on a medication. No.
Christy:
So I always tell people, medication is not a prison sentence. You can always talk. You are, you are responsible for what you put in your body. You have, you have control over that.
Lucas:
I think we would be mistaken if we did not talk about the importance of exercise with ADHD.
Christy:
Oh
Lucas:
And what I always think about when it comes to exercise is this concept called an afterschool restraint collapse with kids who, especially who have ADHD. 'cause They're putting, they're holding everything together and they become like a stretch rubber band. And then they come home and we ask 'em, okay, time to do homework and they just explode. Or it's time to do a chore and they just lose it. And that's because they were holding it together all day, being their best little selves that they can be. We come home, they feel safe and comfortable. Mom and dad will love me no matter what. And so they just let it rip.
Lucas:
One thing that's really been helpful for a lot of families is to let them have some space after school where they're allowed to go run around, go play, you know, decompress that, that rubber band so that they can just feel better. And then after dinner maybe they are more compliant with wanting to do some homework or more willing to do that for adults. We can do the exact same thing. I know that after work, I just need a minute. Like, just give me 10 minutes to just decompress for a second and then we can go do whatever. Exercise is one of those things that's super helpful for me. I like to work out at night because of that, because I just feel like a stretched-out rubber band and at night I can decompress with the exercise and then allows me to actually sleep. So it's, we all gotta figure out our own ways to handle that and for our kids and stuff, but exercise is one of the best ways to manage ADHD. And we do it naturally when we have ADHD by fidgeting and moving around and getting up. So if we can, if we can exercise, put that in a, as like a routine, it's gonna start feeling a lot better.
Christy:
You know, when you were, when you were saying that, 'cause I, I always think I, I have this thought frequently that we always expect more out of children than we do of adults. And I don't always know why that's the case. But like, if I had a day of work and it is five o'clock and I went home and someone said that I had to do more work, that I would not like that. That would not, I would not appreciate, I wouldn't appreciate that sentiment. But that's what we're asking kids to do all the time. Like they're gonna keep it together and not just kids with ADHD, but just like in general, they come home and then we're asking them to do more homework right after they got done working all day. And then we're gonna ask them to do more and then also help with the dishes and then get your stuff cleaned up and get ready for tomorrow. It's like, it's just, or go to go to a sport or do what I mean, there's just, there's just a lot of nonstop action with kids that I think we expect a lot out of that we don't necessarily expect a lot out of adults. You know what I'm saying?
Lucas:
It's a Yeah, absolutely.
Christy:
Because I don't wanna go home and do more therapy. Nope. No I'm done. I love it. I love it.
Lucas:
Absolutely wouldn't trade it for the world, but, but
Christy:
When five o'clock rolls around, it's like my brain just knows. It's just like, okay, you've done, you've, you have done your duty. It's time. Oh my goodness. Time to log off.
Lucas:
Oh man. So we always want to encourage you to ask the question, is it just me? You're likely not alone. And there's always a way to help. If anything we have talked about today resonates with you, please reach out.
Christy:
Do you have a topic you'd like us to talk about? Message us. We'd love to hear from you. Our email address is, is it just me@dakotaranch.org? Or if you know me personally, shoot me a dm. Yeah, same. I've gotten great suggestions from people about topics and so we're hoping to get to some of those and they're just like, wow, those were really good ideas.
Lucas:
Super good. Way better than I could ever think of.
Christy:
Same.
Lucas:
And don't forget to share us with your friends and family.
Announcer:
Thanks for listening to today's episode of Is It Just Me? To learn more or make an appointment for psychiatric or mental health services at Dakota Family Services, go to Dakota Family Services.org or call 1 800 201 6495.
People tend to perceive risk as being inherently negative. But for teenagers, risk-taking is a healthy, normal, and important part of growing up. In this episode of Mind Your Mind, Host Tim Unsinn talks to Vanessa Lien, Nurse Practitioner, about creating a safe environment for your teenager to take risks—and knowing when to step in when they start taking risks that could result in serious and long-term negative consequences.;
15-25% of American students have experienced bullying. And cyberbullying is on the rise. Children who experience bullying suffer from long-lasting effects including depression, anxiety, loneliness, low self-esteem, low academic achievement, and more. Children engaging in bullying behavior are impacted as well. In this episode of "Mind Your Mind," Dakota Family Services therapist, April Morris, LCSW, talks about the impact of bullying and what parents can do to help.;
2020 was the year for living with chaos. Everything—at home, at work, and at school—is out of sync and changing from day to day. In this episode of "Mind Your Mind," Dakota Family Services psychologist, Dr. Megan Spencer, shares simple tips for building routine and structure into your life. She also provides an excellent, yet simple, way to ground yourself when you start to feel overwhelmed or anxious.;
Children experience grief over many things—the loss of a loved one, moving away from their friends, the death of a pet. In this episode of "Mind Your Mind," Lucas Mitzel, a therapist at Dakota Family Services, talks about the stages of grief, and how to walk your child through the grieving process. He will also talk about ways to determine if your child needs to see a professional who can help them untangle the many emotions of grief.;
In today's episode of Mind Your Mind, your host Tim Unsinn talks with Christy Wilkie about suicide warning signs and things you can do to make a difference. Christy, a therapist at Dakota Family Services, wants to normalize conversations about suicide so people don't feel like they are suffering alone. She says, "There is never a reason to not ask the question, 'Hey, are you OK?' Asking the question can save a life.";
In today's episode of Mind Your Mind, your host Tim Unsinn talks with Dr. Wayne Martinsen. Dr. Martinsen, Medical Director and Psychiatrist at Dakota Family Services, defines wellness as more than just the absence of disease, but as a state of well-being. In this episode he will share current wellness research, questions to ask to determine your own well-being, and steps you can take to achieve and maintain wellness.;
When someone in our life has cancer, it's difficult to know what to say or how to help. In this episode of Mind Your Mind, Host Tim Unsinn talks to April Morris about how you can best support a friend or loved one who has cancer. Morris, an outpatient therapist at Dakota Family Services, shares tips for knowing what/what not to say, and actions that speak louder than words.;
Sleep is just as important for mental health as it is physical health. During sleep, our brains process our memories, emotions, and other information. In this episode of "Mind Your Mind," April Morris tells us why sleep is so important for overall well-being and encourages us to prioritize sleep. April, a therapist at Dakota Family Services, provides practical tips for improving sleep hygiene so you can live your best life.;
Stress does not discriminate, and it comes in many shapes and forms. In this episode of "Mind Your Mind," Dr. Megan Spencer talks about ways to identify and listen to the stress in our bodies. Learn relaxation techniques for managing stress over time, self-care routines that decrease negative stress, and things you can do to bring calm into your life.;
Physical activity has a huge potential to enhance our well-being. Exercise increases our mental alertness, energy, and positive mood. In this episode of "Mind Your Mind," Christy Wilkie, therapist at Dakota Family Services, talks about how movement, even for five minutes, can promote changes in the brain that lead to neural growth, reduced inflammation, and feelings of calm and well-being. Listen now to learn more about how moving your body can improve your mental health.;
Diagnosing children with a mental health-related condition can be controversial. Many worry this gives children a label that is set in stone and will follow them around their entire lives. In this episode of Mind Your Mind, Dr. Wayne Martinsen talks about the role of diagnosis in getting children the help they need. Martinsen encourages us to think about mental health diagnoses the same as we do any health diagnosis. If you go the doctor and they diagnose you with strep throat, that doesn’t mean you’ll have strep throat forever, or that you are a strep throat victim. It just means that you have a collection of symptoms that point to strep throat, and the doctor will use that diagnose to provide the appropriate treatment.;
ADHD is diagnosed and treated at a much higher rate than in the past, especially in the United States. Why? In this episode of Mind Your Mind, Dr. Wayne Martinsen, Psychiatrist/Medical Director at Dakota Family Services, explains how the changing world has made it harder for people with shorter attention spans to be successful. In the past, if school was hard for you, you could get a job, work your way up, and live a middle-class lifestyle. Not so in today’s world. Learn more about this fascinating take on ADHD.;
In today's episode of Mind Your Mind, your host Tim Unsinn talks with Christy Wilkie about the Feelings Wheel*. Christy, a therapist at Dakota Family Services, says humans experience 34,000 different feelings! She demonstrates how to use the Feelings Wheel to help you identify your emotions so you can control the behaviors associated with them. *Adapted by classtools.net from the Emotional Wheel. The Emotional Wheel was developed by American psychologist, Dr. Robert Plutchik.;
In today's episode of "Mind Your Mind," Vanessa Lien, Nurse Practitioner, talks about the many changes occurring in the teen brain. The teenage brain is highly susceptible to stress, but it is also very resilient. Learn coping strategies you can teach your teen to protect their brains and help them cope with stress and emotional struggles.;
Going back to school after summer vacation can be a stressful time for both kids and parents. The transition from the unstructured summer to a more regimented routine can lead to stress and anxiety. Worries about fitting in, bullying, homework, getting to school on time, and dealing with peer pressure are all additional stressors that may weigh on children when it's time to go back to school. In this episode of “Mind Your Mind,” Tim Unsinn speaks with Therapist Falan Johnson. Falan helps us understand why back to school anxiety is common, provides strategies for managing the added stress, and shares resources parents can use to prepare their children for the new school year.;
The grief of losing a friend or loved one to suicide is complicated and can be especially difficult. In addition to the grief, sadness, and loneliness of any loss, people might experience guilt, confusion, rejection, anger, and shame. The stigma of suicide complicates it even more, often preventing survivors talking about their loss or getting the help they need. In this episode of Mind Your Mind, Tim Unsinn visits with Dakota Family Services' therapist, Christy Wilkie. Christy helps listeners understand the complicated nature of suicide grief and how to move through it with compassion and self-acceptance.;
You will be shocked at the seemingly safe places predators can connect with your children online. In this episode of Mind Your Mind, Lucas Mitzel, a therapist at Dakota Family Services, talks about the things you need to know to keep your children safe. Learn the many websites and platforms used to target children, how to monitor their internet usage, and how to talk to your children about the dangers.;
Pregnancy and the birth of a child can be a joyous and exciting time, but some women struggle with their mental health as they transition to motherhood. Depression, anxiety, and other pregnancy-related mental health conditions may surface during or after pregnancy. In this episode of "Mind Your Mind," Tim Unsinn speaks with Clinical Psychologist Dr. Megan Spencer. Dr. Spencer helps us understand the common symptoms and causes of postpartum depression, as well as what to do if you think you may be experiencing it.;
Did you know that in addition to calming and focusing our minds, meditation can improve our physical health? In this episode of Mind Your Mind, Host Tim Unsinn visits with Dr. Wayne Martinsen, Psychiatrist, Dakota Family Services, about the surprising health benefits of meditation. A regular meditation practice can increase longevity, reduce the risk of dementia, reduce inflammation, and play a significant role in the treatment of high blood pressure and immune disorders. Learn about the many forms of meditation and how you can start your own meditation practice today.;
Anxiety and depression are invisible illnesses—meaning they don't have outward symptoms visible to others. Because they are invisible, they are often hard for people to explain. In this episode of "Mind Your Mind," Host Tim Unsinn visits with April Morris, LCSW, Therapist, Dakota Family Services. April references the spoon theory of chronic illness created by Christine Miserandino, an award-winning writer, blogger, speaker, and lupus patient advocate. Listen now to learn more about spoons as a metaphor for energy and how you can use them to understand and explain anxiety and depression.;
While we hear a lot about autism in the news, many of us still have misconceptions about its causes and symptoms. In this episode of Mind Your Mind, therapist Falan Johnson dispels some of these misconceptions and explains the three levels of autism. Johnson then focuses on the least understood level—high functioning autism. Learn how to identify symptoms of high functioning autism in your child, the importance of early intervention, and ways you can support them.;
In this episode of Mind Your Mind, therapist April Morris talks about boundaries. April will define boundaries, explain their importance, and help you set boundaries that match your values and strengthen your relationships. Learn how healthy boundaries can improve your mental and physical health, and how you can say “no” respectfully.;
Going through infertility tests and treatments can be an extremely difficult and lonely time for couples. In this episode of Mind Your Mind, Lucas Mitzel talks about his own experience. He also shares tips for couples struggling with infertility, and for friends and family members who want to be supportive but don’t know what to say or do.;
In this episode of Mind Your Mind, Host Tim Unsinn talks to Therapist Falan Johnson about panic attacks. What do they feel like? What causes them? How can you prevent or manage them? Listen now to learn more and discover techniques that might work for you or your loved one.;
Are you concerned about your child's mental health but aren't sure what to do? Join Host Tim Unsinn and his guest, Therapist Jesse Lamm, as they discuss ways you can support your child through a difficult time.;
Are the stresses of college (constant worry, fitting in, lack of sleep, etc.) affecting your ability to function? Join Host Tim Unsinn and his guest, April Morris, LCSW, as they discuss ways to manage or eliminate the stressors that are impacting your well-being.;
Are you struggling to get enough sleep each night? Maybe you have difficulty falling and staying asleep. You can't get comfortable. You feel anxious and your brain just won't shut off. According to the Sleep Foundation, over one-third of adults in the U.S. sleep for less than seven hours a night. Join Host Tim Unsinn and his guest, April Morris, LCSW, in this episode of "Mind Your Mind," as they discuss how insomnia can affect many other areas of your life, as well as practical tips to improve your sleep hygiene.;
It's not unusual for children to have temper tantrums or for adolescents to be angry. But when they become out of proportion to the situation in intensity and duration, your child might be suffering from a mood disorder. In this episode of Mind Your Mind, Host Tim Unsinn visits with Dr. Megan Spencer, a psychologist at Dakota Family Services. Listen now to learn how to distinguish between normal mood changes and mood disorders, and some steps you can take to help your child.;
Resilience is not a personality trait or characteristic. Resilience isn't ignoring or emotional numbing or pretending that a problem doesn't exist. And being resilient doesn’t mean we won’t face adversity. Rather, resilience is our ability to bounce back from adversity. In this episode of Mind Your Mind, Dr. Megan Spencer, psychologist at Dakota Family Services, shares ten ways to build resilience so you are ready when adversity strikes.;
You can probably think of a dozen things that make you feel sad. Sadness is a normal human emotion that helps us process the events in our lives. But what is "normal" sadness? When does sadness move from "normal" to something you may need help processing? In this episode of "Mind Your Mind," Falan Johnson, a therapist at Dakota Family Services, will answer these questions and more. Learn the importance of allowing yourself to feel sad so you can move past it, and, when it might be time to seek professional help.;
In today's world, we are constantly bombarded by messages about who we should be, how we should look, what we should do or wear, and more. With the increased accessibility and prevalence of social media, kids and adolescents are hearing and seeing these messages at younger and younger ages. How do we help ourselves and our teens combat these messages and find our true selves? In this episode of "Mind Your Mind," Therapist Jenika Rufer helps us wade through the unimportant things to find what we truly value so we can become our best selves.;
Unsure of whether your therapy is working for you? In this episode of “Mind Your Mind,” our host Tim Unsinn talks with Dakota Family Services therapist Lucas Mitzel about how to make your therapy sessions more productive. Making progress in therapy can often come down to simply having an open mind and a plan for discussion. Although each session can evoke a wide range of emotions, you should always leave feeling that some sort of movement has happened.;
In this episode of Mind Your Mind, host Tim Unsinn and Dakota Family Services therapist Christy Wilkie talk about Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and its effectiveness in battling unhelpful thoughts and beliefs. Utilizing cognitive restructuring, CBT helps change inaccurate and damaging self-perceptions and perceptions of others, leading to healthier day-to-day thought patterns. Christy also touches on multiple CBT exercises to try at home, as well as some of her own tactics for promoting helpful thoughts.;
Are your worries and fears about the future getting in the way of daily life? If so, you may be one of the many people who suffer from anxiety. In this special Community Chat episode of Mind Your Mind, Christy Wilkie and Lucas Mitzel talk about the many types of anxiety and what they can look like in both children and adults. They also touch on ways to combat anxiety attacks, including using grounding techniques, mindfulness, muscle relaxation, and more.;
In this episode of Mind Your Mind, host Tim Unsinn and psychiatrist Dr. Wayne Martinson discuss autism and signs of it in children, touching on the different levels of the autism spectrum and where people fall. Learn about how autism often affects children's social skills, communication, and behavior, as well as its connections to other disorders and how to handle it.;
Many people find themselves dealing with high levels of stress and anxiety in their daily lives. However, there are plenty of simple strategies to help regulate these emotions. In this episode of Mind Your Mind, host Tim Unsinn talks with therapist Sandy Richter about various coping exercises to help you regulate and calm yourself, including breathing and movement exercises for both children and adults.;
Medication can affect people in many different ways. In this episode of Mind Your Mind, host Tim Unsinn and psychiatric nurse practitioner Amanda Daggett talk about genetic testing and its use in discerning how different individuals might react to various medications. Tim and Amanda also touch on some of the facts and myths surrounding genetic testing, including what testing can and can’t indicate and where the science is currently at.;
Anxiety is one of the most common mental health problems people face. However, there are many ways to manage and understand it. On this episode of Mind Your Mind, host Tim Unsinn and therapist Lucas Mitzel discuss what causes anxiety and how it can affect people’s day-to-day lives, as well as the difference between anxiety and fear and how to combat chronic anxiety with grounding techniques.;
In this special Community Chat episode of Mind Your Mind, Psychologist Megan Spencer and Psychiatrist Wayne Martinsen discuss how loneliness and social isolation are increasing in our country, as well as what that means for individuals’ health in the long term. They also give advice on how to get yourself or your loved ones more connected with others, including how to connect both in-person and online.;
Does it seem like your child is “stuck” in therapy, or engaging in dangerous behaviors like self-harm and suicidality? In this special Community Chat episode of Mind Your Mind, Psychologist Hannah Baczynski and therapist April Morris discuss Dialectical Behavior Therapy and its effectiveness in treating patients who have found traditional therapy unsuccessful. Learn about the 4 core skills of DBT and what makes DBT unique from other forms of therapeutic treatment.;
When our children are struggling with their mental health, it can be hard knowing how to help them. However, in addition to therapy, medication can be a viable and effective option for improving your child’s mental health. In this episode of Mind Your Mind, our host Tim Unsinn talks with psychiatric mental health nurse Amanda Daggett about how to know if your child needs medication, what the process is for a prescription, and how to tell if their medication is right for them.;
Did you know that depression occurs in about 15% of children? In this episode of Mind Your Mind, our host Tim Unsinn talks with Psychiatrist Dr. Wayne Martinsen about depression in kids and adolescents, including signs of depression to look out for and how to know when to reach out to a care provider. They also touch on how to know whether your child’s sadness is caused by depression or other external factors and what you can do to try and prevent depression in your child.;
It can be difficult knowing how to recognize and treat depression in children and adolescents. In this special community chat episode of Mind Your Mind, Psychologist Megan Spencer and Therapist April Morris discuss signs of depression to look out for, including both behavioral and physical signs that your child may be depressed. They also touch on the influence of environment, physical illnesses or diagnoses, and genetics on children’s mental health.;
Humans are hardwired for social connection, but it can be difficult knowing where to fit in as unique individuals. In this episode of Mind Your Mind, host Tim Unsinn and therapist Christy Wilkie talk about the importance of using your strengths, interests, and relationships to figure out where you belong. They also touch on signs that you might not be staying true to yourself, as well as how to handle feelings of being left out.;
While often perceived as only relating to those who’ve experienced warfare, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) can affect anyone. In this special Community Chat episode of Mind Your Mind, Psychologist Dr. Hannah Baczynski and therapist Lucas Mitzel explain what trauma is, how it affects each person differently, and when to seek treatment for trauma-related symptoms. They also discuss different treatment options for PTSD, touching on the pros and cons of each.;
Though autism is one of the most commonly discussed mental health diagnoses in the community, it is often one of the most misunderstood. In this special Community Chat episode of Mind Your Mind, therapists Lucas Mitzel and Falan Johnson discuss what autism is, how it appears in children and adolescents, and how it may look different between individuals. They also touch on how autism can show up differently in boys than in girls and offer intervention tips for parents and caregivers.;
Autism is sometimes perceived as a disorder that only affects children and adolescents, but it is actually a lifelong diagnosis. In this special Community Chat episode of Mind Your Mind, psychologists Dr. Hannah Baczynski and Dr. Megan Spencer explore the symptoms and nuances of autism in adults, touching on the history of autism spectrum disorder, the research surrounding it, how autism commonly presents in adults, and more.;
Though spirituality is often associated with religion, it can mean much more than simply attending religious services or praying. In this episode of Mind Your Mind, host Tim Unsinn and psychiatrist Dr. Wayne Martinsen define spirituality and discuss its relevance in daily life, touching on ways people experience, express, and cultivate spirituality. They also talk about the link between spirituality, religion and meaning in life.;
Setting goals is easy. Working towards them is hard. In this episode of Mind Your Mind, host Tim Unsinn talks with Dakota Family Services therapist Christy Wilkie about how to set healthy, realistic goals, as well as the importance of managing your expectations and staying persistent. Whether you’re starting an exercise routine, writing a book, trying a new diet, or building your career, keep these tips in mind when setting your next big goal.;
Fear is powerful. It can cause us to avoid problems, people, and even opportunities in our life. But it can also be overcome. In this episode of Mind Your Mind, host Tim Unsinn speaks with Falan Johnson, a therapist at Dakota Family Services, about the function of fear and how to face it. Learn where fear comes from, how to identify it, and how to calm down and build confidence when you’re feeling afraid.;
In this episode of Mind Your Mind, our host Tim Unsinn talks with Dakota Family Services therapist Jessie Mertz about the “3 R’s”—Regulate, Relate, and Reason. They discuss what each term means, how they build upon each other, and how this approach can help you calm others who are experiencing distress.;
Schizophrenia is a chronic, complex mental health disorder that affects around 1% of people in the United States. In this episode of Mind Your Mind, host Tim Unsinn and psychiatrist Dr. Wayne Martinsen discuss the symptoms and implications of schizophrenia, touching on its many effects on individual and family life. Learn about how schizophrenia is treated, how it affects physical health, when it tends to develop, and how it is perceived between cultures.;
Although the stigma surrounding mental health is gradually disappearing, it can still be tricky knowing how to talk about it. In this episode of Mind Your Mind, host Tim Unsinn and psychologist Megan Spencer explore how to have a conversation with someone about their mental health, including signs that you should talk to them, how to start the conversation, and some possible reactions to expect from the other person.;
Are you feeling cooped up indoors? Join host Tim Unsinn and therapist Lucas Mitzel in this episode of Mind Your Mind as they discuss the importance of getting outside on your mental health. Learn about the benefits of green and blue spaces, activities you can do while outside, and how being outside can help improve symptoms of different mental health diagnoses.;
In this episode of Mind Your Mind, Tim Unsinn talks with psychologist Dr. Hannah Baczynski about the signs of burnout, how to prevent it, and how to know if your burnout is related to general life stressors or a mental health disorder. They also talk about the difference between fatigue and burnout, as well as how to support yourself and alleviate burnout when you’re experiencing it.;
Many of us know someone who has been diagnosed with a chronic illness, or have been diagnosed with one ourselves. In this episode of Mind Your Mind, host Tim Unsinn talks with therapist April Morris about how chronic illness can impact daily living and mental health, as well as how to seek support if you have been diagnosed with a chronic illness.;
Although the term ‘bipolar’ is sometimes used as slang to describe someone who is moody or indecisive, true bipolar disorder is a complex and sometimes severe mental health disorder that affects the way a person thinks, feels, and behaves. In this episode of Mind Your Mind, host Tim Unsinn discusses bipolar disorder with nurse practitioner Amanda Daggett, touching on what the disorder is, what its symptoms look like, and how it can be treated.;
How much time do you spend each day looking at your phone? An hour or two? Multiple hours? In this episode of Mind Your Mind, host Tim Unsinn meets with therapist Christy Wilkie to discuss how social media use can impact our mental health, relationships, and behavior. Learn tips for monitoring your child’s internet use, as well as how to manage your own time spent on social media.;
While OCD is sometimes perceived as simply a desire to keep things neat and organized, it can actually have much more severe symptoms for those who experience it. In this episode of Mind Your Mind, host Tim Unsinn meets with psychologist Dr. Megan Spencer to talk about who Obsessive Compulsive Disorder affects, what its signs and symptoms are, and how to seek help if you or a loved one has been diagnosed with OCD.;
Bad habits can be easy to start but sometimes very difficult to stop. In this episode of Mind Your Mind, host Tim Unsinn and therapist Falan Johnson talk about breaking bad habits, including where habits come from, how to know if a habit is bad, and steps you can take to stop it.;
Are you looking for some help on your mental health journey? In this episode of Mind Your Mind, host Tim Unsinn and therapist Jessie Mertz talk about how to find a therapist, including what you should know when searching and what questions to ask when you meet a therapist for the first time. They also touch on what the letters after a therapist’s name mean, and how they apply to the type of services or treatment you might be looking for.;
Whether it’s from asking someone on a date or applying for a job, we all experience rejection at some point in our lives. In this episode of Mind Your Mind, host Tim Unsinn talks with therapist April Morris about how to cope with rejection, including the common coping stages, the importance of acceptance, and how rejection can impact people differently.;
Like other personality disorders, borderline personality disorder is a commonly misunderstood and stigmatized mental illness. In this episode of Mind Your Mind, host Tim Unsinn talks with Lucas Mitzel, a therapist at Dakota Family Services, about what BPD is, how it affects someone’s behavior, and where to seek treatment if your child has been diagnosed with BPD.;
Do you think you might be suffering from an undiagnosed mental disorder? If so, a psychological assessment might be able to help. In this episode of Mind Your Mind, psychologist Dr. Hannah Baczynski and host Tim Unsinn talk about what to expect from a psychological assessment, including what an assessment might include, what information you might receive from the psychologist, and what you should communicate with your psychologist before and after receiving an assessment.;
In this episode of Mind Your Mind, host Tim Unsinn and Amanda Daggett explore the topic of using supplements for mental health. In addition to talking about some of the most commonly used supplements like melatonin and St. John’s Wort, they also discuss the benefits, the risks, and the research surrounding various supplements.;
Feeling like you’ve got the winter blues? If you’re noticing symptoms of depression with the change of seasons, it may be a sign that you’re suffering from Seasonal Affective Disorder, or SAD. In this special Community Chat episode of Mind Your Mind, therapists Christy Wilkie and Lucas Mitzel discuss the common symptoms of Seasonal Affective Disorder, how it can affect other mental health disorders, and some useful tips, tricks, and resources for managing symptoms of SAD.;
Join Christy and Lucas, therapists at Dakota Family Services, as they share practical tips for building confidence when trying new things. From managing self-doubt to building resilience, this episode will empower you to approach new experiences with a positive mindset.;
In this episode, Christy and Lucas explore why relationships can be so hard. Join them as they discuss the characteristics of both healthy and toxic relationships, talk about the difference between normal conflict and abuse, and help you discover your love languages so you and your partner can best express your love to each other.;
In this episode, Christy and Lucas explore anxiety. Join them as they discuss the signs and symptoms of an anxiety disorder, what you can do to decrease your anxiety, and how to best help loved ones struggling with anxiety.;
In this episode, Christy and Lucas explore depression. Join them as they discuss the signs and symptoms of Major Depressive Disorder, what you can do to help yourself feel better, and what you can do to help your loved ones. They will talk about coping strategies, therapy interventions, and ways to help you identify when your child might need extra help.;
Change is inevitable. Join Christy and Lucas as they explore big and small changes and how they impact you. Learn why change can be so hard, even good change, and discover ways to manage it effectively.;
In this episode of "Is It Just Me," Christy and Lucas discuss the very important topic of suicide. Listen to learn about risk factors, warning signs, and what you can do to help a loved one who is struggling. Remember, you are not alone. If you need immediate assistance, call 911. If you need to talk to someone, call the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline at 988.;
Join Lucas and Christy as they explore the power of spending time outdoors on mental and emotional well-being. Discover practical tips, personal anecdotes, and expert insights on the benefits of getting outside and reconnecting with nature.;
In this episode of "Is It Just Me?", join our hosts Christy and Lucas as they delve into the complex relationship between the internet and mental health. With the digital age bringing information and social connections to our fingertips, it also presents unique challenges and opportunities for our safety and psychological well-being.;
In this episode of "Is It Just Me?", Christy and Lucas discuss how common it is for people to see themselves differently from others. Using their own personal triumphs and challenges as examples, they outline the things that shape our self-esteem. Additionally, they share simple daily practices to help listeners recognize and celebrate their own personal victories. This episode is filled with tips and engaging stories aimed at encouraging listeners to undertake challenges that foster self-growth and personal confidence.;
In the latest episode of “Is It Just Me?” Christy and Lucas tackle the transition from leisurely summer days to structured school schedules with warmth and wisdom. This episode is a must-listen for parents seeking guidance and strategies to help navigate the shift with confidence. Learn how to handle changes in routine, the importance of communication, and strategies to help the entire family adjust to and embrace the new normal. Listening to this episode can be your first step toward making back-to-school a season of growth and positive change for all.;