When Your Child is Struggling
Episode Description
Are you concerned about your child's mental health but aren't sure what to do? Join Host Tim Unsinn and his guest, Therapist Jesse Lamm, as they discuss ways you can support your child through a difficult time.What to Expect
- Find out what to look for to determine if your child is struggling.
- Understand your child's reluctance to talk to you about their worries.
- Discover ways to open up the conversation.
Resources: Learn More
- Dakota Family Services therapists are available in person in Minot and Fargo, ND, and online throughout North Dakota.
- MentalHealth.gov
- Transforming the Difficult Child by Jennifer Easley and Howard Glasser.
Things to Think About
- Are you paying attention to what your child needs?
- Have you noticed any behavior changes in your child?
- If your child doesn't want to talk to you (which is very normal), would they be comfortable sharing with other adults in their life?
Transcript
When Your Child is Struggling
Featuring Jesse Lamm, LPCC, Therapist
Host Tim Unsinn (00:00):
Welcome to Mind Your Mind, a podcast presented by Dakota Family Services, an outpatient behavioral health clinic, located in Minot, Bismarck, and Fargo, North Dakota. In this podcast, I will talk with our experts about understanding and nurturing our mental health and wellness. I'm your host, Tim Unsinn. Join me each episode as we explore the intricacies of our minds, decrease the stigma of mental illness, learn practical tips for managing our mental health and wellbeing, and recognize when it's time to ask for help. Join me now to mind your mind.
TU (00:31):
Welcome to this episode of Mind Your Mind. Our guest is Jesse Lamm. Jesse is a therapist on our Fargo campus. Jesse, it's great to have you on Mind Your Mind. Our topic is how to support your child through a difficult time. However, before we get to the topic, there's a question I ask all of our guests, and that is why do you do what you do?
Jesse Lamm (00:53):
Yeah, thank you for having me. I'd say why I do what I do is just that overall understanding of how important mental health is in our life, our overall health, our daily functioning, and being able to take that knowledge and help people that are struggling, whatever they're struggling with. Just being able to talk about those things and give them healthy coping skills and just improve their overall health and functioning.
TU (01:18):
All right. Thanks Jesse. Our topic, how to support your child through a difficult time. So how can we tell that our child is going through a difficult time first off?
JL (01:27):
Yeah, I would say that just being able to tell that our child is going through a difficult time, probably look for any changes in behavior, you know, whether it's loss of interest in activities that they normally enjoy, changes in their eating or sleeping habits, whether they're becoming more isolated, hiding in their room a little bit more, not wanting to interact with you as a parent or their friends. Just overall, any noticeable change in behavior, I would say, would be one of the main things that you're looking for.
TU (01:57):
So how do we talk with our child about what's going on with them?
JL (02:00):
Right. And I think that's the big question, because so many parents, they see that their child is struggling and that sends them into like an anxious, like, "Oh my gosh, I need to fix this. What do I need to do? I need to do this and this and this and this and this." And I would say a lot of that's not necessary. Us just being able to stop and open the door for a conversation with our kiddo. So not asking them a ton of questions, not pressuring them to talk about it. As a parent, that's probably really, really hard because we're, again, anxious. We wanna ask the questions, we wanna know what's going on so we can fix it. But just being able to ask open questions like, "Hey, I've noticed this change in behavior. Can you tell me what's going on? Or if you're comfortable telling me what's going on." So just approaching it in a non-threatening, non placing blame way, you know, just being able to open up that conversation and just let them know that you're there to care, let them know that you would like to help them, and approaching it in that way.
TU (03:01):
Yeah. Not nosy, but caring.
JL (03:03):
Right. Not nosy, not pushy, not too investigative. Like just asking a question and seeing what your response is.
TU (03:10):
So after the response happens, if it's yes or no, and if it's a no I'm thinking then what do we do to support our child through that?
JL (03:19):
Like if they're not willing to talk about it?
TU (03:20):
Correct.
JL (03:21):
I would say one, just leave that door open, you know, like, "Hey, I understand that. That's totally fair. I can respect that. Just let me know if there's anything that you need. If you wanna talk to somebody else about it, let me know." And whether it's like a therapist that you want to talk to about it or a family friend, we can arrange that and not being again, not being pushy with it. Because I think a lot of parents, if they do get an answer of no, it's like, "Oh no, my kid doesn't wanna talk to me about it. They must really be struggling. I'm uncomfortable. I'm anxious. I'm trying to reduce my anxiety by getting the answers." But really just taking that step back and letting your child process it. First of all, maybe they're just not ready to talk about it. Or two, maybe that's just not something that they're comfortable talking to a parent about. Because there's some things, especially as a teenager or things like that, it's like, "Uh, I don't wanna talk to my parent about that." So is there somebody that I can get you in connected with who you are comfortable talking with about this?
TU (04:15):
Yeah. And how important is it for us as a parent to be in tune with what our kids are going on, so we know the difference between a real difficult time and just something that's changed in their life.
JL (04:25):
Right, right. And flipping it and asking them like, "Okay, what, what do you feel like you need?" Because I think as a parent, a lot of times people just jump to, okay, I'm gonna do this and this and this and this and this and hope that it helps when really, maybe that stuff is totally unnecessary and isn't gonna help at all. So being able to take that step back and be like, okay, what do you need? What do you want me to do? Is there anything you want me to do? Just letting them have their input on it.
TU (04:52):
Okay. Okay. That's great. Because it's like, as a parent you would just wanna fix it now. And you wanna just move on, but that's not always the process with the kids because we were all kids, but we can't remember when we were kids. That's that's part of the problem.
JL (05:04):
Yeah. For some reason there's just this big disconnect and you know, parents thinking back, it's like, yeah, if I was a teenager, I probably didn't wanna talk to my parents about some of those things, which is totally normal. That's kind of that normal progression, normal stage of life. So just being able to remember that too.
TU (05:20):
So now for us as parents, what can we do if our child doesn't want to talk about what's going on?
JL (05:27):
Again, I think that goes back to expressing your support in a way that isn't pushy. Like, you know what? I get it. I understand. Maybe you don't wanna talk to your parent about this, but if you ever feel like you change your mind, you do wanna talk about it, let me know. Is there someone else I can get you connected to? Do you wanna see a therapist? Is there a family friend that you wanna see or a different adult that you're comfortable talking to? Not badgering them into talking to you about it, not shaming them into talking to you about it, not consequencing them. I think a lot of parents, their anxiety goes into that hyperdrive, right? And it's like, okay, well I want the answer. And if you're not gonna give me the answer, then you don't get to go out and hang out with your friends or you don't get to do this until we talk about this... Okay, well that approach doesn't generally work super well. You know, if anything, giving those consequences causes your child to one, feel more guilty and shameful about the fact that they're going through something traumatic or they're going through something difficult and it's just gonna cause them to shut down even more. So not super helpful to consequence. So avoiding that and just approaching it with more of that, like open, empathetic I'm here if you wanna talk about it, if not, is there someone else you wanna talk to?
TU (06:30):
That is great information. Thank you, Jesse. Jesse Lamm, our guest on Mind Your Mind. And before we wrap up any final thoughts on how to support your child through a difficult time?
JL (06:39):
I think just again, just the overall, if you notice different changes in your child, just being able to approach that conversation like, "Hey, I've noticed that there's kinda these changes going on," not doing like an interrogative way or like blaming way. Like I've just noticed these; is everything okay? Is there something you want to talk about? Anything going on that I can help you with? How would you like me to help you with that? If you don't wanna talk about it, that's fine. I get it. Just approaching with that open mind, parents being able to mind their own anxieties about it, and just really making it focused about your child and expressing care in a good way.
TU (07:16):
Great information. As you're listening to this and maybe you can't relate to what Jesse's been talking about, but maybe you've got a friend or family member that is, these podcasts are so shareable and easy to share. Also you can always pause and rewind and listen again, there are just so many nuggets that have been shared that I'm thinking, I was thinking about one thing and then Jesse shared 10 other things and it's like, there's just a lot of great information. So thank you for that.
TU (07:39):
Well, before we wrap up, I have a final question for you and that is what do you do personally, to mind your mind?
JL (07:45):
All of the self care. Like whether it is going to the gym and exercising, making sure I get a good night's sleep. Sleep is super, super, super important for mental health, and overall physical health. Hanging out with friends, just for like that social disconnect from other things, having a good well-maintained diet. I think diet also contributes to a lot of mental health, mood stability, all of those things. Finding different hobbies that I can do just to disconnect from different things. So just yes, a lot of self-care, lot of ways so I can focus on myself and take care of myself.
TU (08:18):
Thanks, Jesse. Appreciate you. Appreciate your time and talent and thank you for sharing that with us today on Mind Your Mind.
JL (08:23):
Yeah. Thank you for having me.
Speaker 1 (08:25):
Thank you for joining us for Mind Your Mind, a podcast presented by Dakota Family Services. You can't have health without behavioral health. Remember to mind your mind. For more information, links to additional resources, contact information, and much more, go to dakotafamilyservices.org.
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Schizophrenia is a chronic, complex mental health disorder that affects around 1% of people in the United States. In this episode of Mind Your Mind, host Tim Unsinn and psychiatrist Dr. Wayne Martinsen discuss the symptoms and implications of schizophrenia, touching on its many effects on individual and family life. Learn about how schizophrenia is treated, how it affects physical health, when it tends to develop, and how it is perceived between cultures.;
How to Have a Conversation About Mental Health
Although the stigma surrounding mental health is gradually disappearing, it can still be tricky knowing how to talk about it. In this episode of Mind Your Mind, host Tim Unsinn and psychologist Megan Spencer explore how to have a conversation with someone about their mental health, including signs that you should talk to them, how to start the conversation, and some possible reactions to expect from the other person.;
The Benefits of Being Outside
Are you feeling cooped up indoors? Join host Tim Unsinn and therapist Lucas Mitzel in this episode of Mind Your Mind as they discuss the importance of getting outside on your mental health. Learn about the benefits of green and blue spaces, activities you can do while outside, and how being outside can help improve symptoms of different mental health diagnoses.;
Dealing With Burnout
In this episode of Mind Your Mind, Tim Unsinn talks with psychologist Dr. Hannah Baczynski about the signs of burnout, how to prevent it, and how to know if your burnout is related to general life stressors or a mental health disorder. They also talk about the difference between fatigue and burnout, as well as how to support yourself and alleviate burnout when you’re experiencing it.;
Living with Chronic Illness
Many of us know someone who has been diagnosed with a chronic illness, or have been diagnosed with one ourselves. In this episode of Mind Your Mind, host Tim Unsinn talks with therapist April Morris about how chronic illness can impact daily living and mental health, as well as how to seek support if you have been diagnosed with a chronic illness.;
Bipolar Disorder: Understanding the Highs and Lows
Although the term ‘bipolar’ is sometimes used as slang to describe someone who is moody or indecisive, true bipolar disorder is a complex and sometimes severe mental health disorder that affects the way a person thinks, feels, and behaves. In this episode of Mind Your Mind, host Tim Unsinn discusses bipolar disorder with nurse practitioner Amanda Daggett, touching on what the disorder is, what its symptoms look like, and how it can be treated.;
Social Media: Managing Emotions & Setting Boundaries
How much time do you spend each day looking at your phone? An hour or two? Multiple hours? In this episode of Mind Your Mind, host Tim Unsinn meets with therapist Christy Wilkie to discuss how social media use can impact our mental health, relationships, and behavior. Learn tips for monitoring your child’s internet use, as well as how to manage your own time spent on social media.;
Understanding OCD
While OCD is sometimes perceived as simply a desire to keep things neat and organized, it can actually have much more severe symptoms for those who experience it. In this episode of Mind Your Mind, host Tim Unsinn meets with psychologist Dr. Megan Spencer to talk about who Obsessive Compulsive Disorder affects, what its signs and symptoms are, and how to seek help if you or a loved one has been diagnosed with OCD.;
Breaking Bad Habits
Bad habits can be easy to start but sometimes very difficult to stop. In this episode of Mind Your Mind, host Tim Unsinn and therapist Falan Johnson talk about breaking bad habits, including where habits come from, how to know if a habit is bad, and steps you can take to stop it.;
Finding a Therapist
Are you looking for some help on your mental health journey? In this episode of Mind Your Mind, host Tim Unsinn and therapist Jessie Mertz talk about how to find a therapist, including what you should know when searching and what questions to ask when you meet a therapist for the first time. They also touch on what the letters after a therapist’s name mean, and how they apply to the type of services or treatment you might be looking for.;
Coping with Rejection
Whether it’s from asking someone on a date or applying for a job, we all experience rejection at some point in our lives. In this episode of Mind Your Mind, host Tim Unsinn talks with therapist April Morris about how to cope with rejection, including the common coping stages, the importance of acceptance, and how rejection can impact people differently.;
Borderline Personality Disorder
Like other personality disorders, borderline personality disorder is a commonly misunderstood and stigmatized mental illness. In this episode of Mind Your Mind, host Tim Unsinn talks with Lucas Mitzel, a therapist at Dakota Family Services, about what BPD is, how it affects someone’s behavior, and where to seek treatment if your child has been diagnosed with BPD.;
Psychological Assessments: What to Expect
Do you think you might be suffering from an undiagnosed mental disorder? If so, a psychological assessment might be able to help. In this episode of Mind Your Mind, psychologist Dr. Hannah Baczynski and host Tim Unsinn talk about what to expect from a psychological assessment, including what an assessment might include, what information you might receive from the psychologist, and what you should communicate with your psychologist before and after receiving an assessment.;
Supplements in Psychiatry
In this episode of Mind Your Mind, host Tim Unsinn and Amanda Daggett explore the topic of using supplements for mental health. In addition to talking about some of the most commonly used supplements like melatonin and St. John’s Wort, they also discuss the benefits, the risks, and the research surrounding various supplements.;
Seasonal Affective Disorder (Community Chat Series)
Feeling like you’ve got the winter blues? If you’re noticing symptoms of depression with the change of seasons, it may be a sign that you’re suffering from Seasonal Affective Disorder, or SAD. In this special Community Chat episode of Mind Your Mind, therapists Christy Wilkie and Lucas Mitzel discuss the common symptoms of Seasonal Affective Disorder, how it can affect other mental health disorders, and some useful tips, tricks, and resources for managing symptoms of SAD.;
Trying New Things With Confidence
Join Christy and Lucas, therapists at Dakota Family Services, as they share practical tips for building confidence when trying new things. From managing self-doubt to building resilience, this episode will empower you to approach new experiences with a positive mindset.;
Relationships are Hard
In this episode, Christy and Lucas explore why relationships can be so hard. Join them as they discuss the characteristics of both healthy and toxic relationships, talk about the difference between normal conflict and abuse, and help you discover your love languages so you and your partner can best express your love to each other.;
Is Everybody Anxious?
In this episode, Christy and Lucas explore anxiety. Join them as they discuss the signs and symptoms of an anxiety disorder, what you can do to decrease your anxiety, and how to best help loved ones struggling with anxiety.;
Is Everyone Feeling Sad
In this episode, Christy and Lucas explore depression. Join them as they discuss the signs and symptoms of Major Depressive Disorder, what you can do to help yourself feel better, and what you can do to help your loved ones. They will talk about coping strategies, therapy interventions, and ways to help you identify when your child might need extra help.;
Change is Hard
Change is inevitable. Join Christy and Lucas as they explore big and small changes and how they impact you. Learn why change can be so hard, even good change, and discover ways to manage it effectively.;
We Need to Talk About Suicide
In this episode of "Is It Just Me," Christy and Lucas discuss the very important topic of suicide. Listen to learn about risk factors, warning signs, and what you can do to help a loved one who is struggling. Remember, you are not alone. If you need immediate assistance, call 911. If you need to talk to someone, call the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline at 988.;
Do We Need to Get Outside?
Join Lucas and Christy as they explore the power of spending time outdoors on mental and emotional well-being. Discover practical tips, personal anecdotes, and expert insights on the benefits of getting outside and reconnecting with nature.;
Exploring ADHD
In this episode of "Is It Just Me?" Lucas and Christy discuss ADHD, shedding light on its prevalence and impact on daily life. Learn practical strategies for managing symptoms and understand why your friend or loved one with ADHD does the things they do.;
Internet Safety and Mental Health
In this episode of "Is It Just Me?", join our hosts Christy and Lucas as they delve into the complex relationship between the internet and mental health. With the digital age bringing information and social connections to our fingertips, it also presents unique challenges and opportunities for our safety and psychological well-being.;
Boosting Self-Esteem: From Marathons to Daily Triumphs
In this episode of "Is It Just Me?", Christy and Lucas discuss how common it is for people to see themselves differently from others. Using their own personal triumphs and challenges as examples, they outline the things that shape our self-esteem. Additionally, they share simple daily practices to help listeners recognize and celebrate their own personal victories. This episode is filled with tips and engaging stories aimed at encouraging listeners to undertake challenges that foster self-growth and personal confidence.;
Therapy Unveiled: What to Know Before You Go
In this episode of "Is It Just Me," Lucas and Christy talk about what it's like to begin therapy. Feeling apprehensive about starting therapy is normal, but surmountable. Together, Lucas and Christy unravel common myths about therapy and emphasize the role of therapy in disrupting negative life patterns and routines that are no longer serving you.;
Coping with the Back-to-School Blues
In the latest episode of “Is It Just Me?” Christy and Lucas tackle the transition from leisurely summer days to structured school schedules with warmth and wisdom. This episode is a must-listen for parents seeking guidance and strategies to help navigate the shift with confidence. Learn how to handle changes in routine, the importance of communication, and strategies to help the entire family adjust to and embrace the new normal. Listening to this episode can be your first step toward making back-to-school a season of growth and positive change for all.;
The Art of Overcoming Trauma
In this month’s episode of the "Is It Just Me?" podcast, Lucas Mitzel and Christy Wilkie, Dakota Family Services, dive into the complexities of trauma and its therapy. The episode sheds light on Trauma-Focused Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (TF-CBT) and the importance of creating a trauma narrative as a cornerstone of healing. The thoughtful discussions aim to educate listeners on the intricacies of trauma, the innovative methods used in therapy, and the role of caregivers in the recovery process. Through expert insights and compassionate storytelling, Lucas and Christy provide practical advice and real-world examples for individuals who have experienced trauma.;
Navigating Life Through Mindfulness
In this episode of “Is It Just Me?”, Lucas and Christy delve into the world of mindfulness and relaxation techniques. From body scans to mindfulness exercises, they provide a soothing experience to help you unwind and distress. Discover practical tips and advice on incorporating mindfulness into your daily routine and learn how to prioritize mental well-being in today's fast-paced world.;
Mindfulness: Body Scan
In this special additional episode of “Is It Just Me” join therapist Lucas Mitzel as he gives listeners a transformative journey within their own body and mind. In this episode, Lucas guides listeners through a soothing body scan to promote calm, mindfulness, and inner peace. This episode offers a unique mixdown of gentle narration, and relaxation techniques, leaving you feeling refreshed, rejuvenated, and more connected to yourself.;